Read Online How to Ruin My Teenage Life by Simone Elkeles - Free Book Online Page A

her, another woman who could pass for strawberry blonde walks up to the counter. I suck in my breath. This woman is really large. And I’m being nice. Maybe the picture she posted was pre-weight gain. My dad is a workout and health nut, and this woman looks like she’s snacked on a few too many Kit Kats if you know what I mean. She has a friendly face, though. Hey, maybe Dad can put her on a boot camp diet plan and she’d lose those extra pounds in no time at all.
    Ignoring the wishy-washy lady, I ask the overweight one, “Are you Kelly?”
    â€œNo. But I’d like a large caramel latte with whipped cream.”
    I keep up the Perk Me Up! smile, although I’m tempted to suggest the skim latte instead of the caramel one. While I’m ringing her up, the wishy-washy lady signals to me she’s ready. Can’t she see I’m ringing up someone else?
    Marla is in the office and I don’t want her to think I can’t take care of the customers. I turn to the wishy-washer. “Did you decide?”
    â€œWhat’s the calorie count of the medium vanilla coffee? Is it the same as the regular?”
    Is she kidding me? I look under the counter to see if there’s a calorie listing for the drinks, but there isn’t. Now I don’t know what to do. Should I make the other lady’s drink or call Marla to help?
    I look at my watch. It’s seven on the dot. Kelly will be here any second. My dad will be here any second.
    And Miss Wishy-Washy is worried about a calorie count.
    I knock on the door to the office and call Marla out to the register. I hurry to make the large caramel latte while Marla takes care of the frizzy-haired, high-maintenance customer. The chime rings on the door and a woman walks into the café who definitely looks like Kelly’s PJSN profile pic.
    She scans the café, then sits down at a vacant table to wait for my unsuspecting dad.
    Sure enough, my dad walks in the door next. My heart is palpitating a hundred beats a second right now. My dad waves to me and walks up to the register. Kelly must recognize him from the picture I posted on his profile. She moves up behind him and is about to tap him on the shoulder.
    â€œI have to tell you something,” I say at the same time Kelly taps him and says, “Ron?”
    He turns to her. “Can I help you?”
    â€œDad, it’s important.”
    He puts his fingertips together on one hand and moves it up and down, the unique Israeli sign for wait a second . The problem is, I can’t wait a second. I need to tell him that, even though he’s unaware of it, he’s on his first PJSN date.
    â€œI’m Kelly. Are you Ron?” Kelly asks.
    â€œYes.”
    â€œFrom the Professional Jewish Singles Network?”
    Pause.
    â€œUm … could you hold that thought for one second,” my dad says to Kelly. Then he turns to me. “Tell me what this is all about, Amy. Right. Now. I’m assuming Marla doesn’t want to talk to me about adjusting your work schedule.”
    â€œ Aba , you’re going to laugh when I tell you this.”
    â€œI doubt it.”
    Kelly looks upset and embarrassed. “Am I missing something here?”
    Okay, it’s time to fess up. I thought it’d be easier than it is. I have the urge to hide in a dark corner. “I set up the date. I’m his daughter,” I tell her.
    Getting it, Kelly steps back. “Oh.” She adjusts the Coach bag hanging on her shoulder. “Well, that makes me look stupid.”
    â€œActually, it makes me look stupid,” I tell her.
    â€œAnd me,” my dad chimes in. “I’ll tell you what, Kelly. Why don’t we sit down and have my daughter serve us the most expensive drinks in the place. It’ll be her treat.”
    Kelly shrugs and nods her head in agreement. “Sounds good to me.”
    It doesn’t sound good to me at all!
    â€œI’m hungry, actually. How about