Read Online How to Live Forever by Colin Thompson - Free Book Online

Third Wise Man. ‘Father Christmas and Foreclaw aren’t real people.’
    â€˜Yes they are,’ said Festival.
    â€˜Darkwood,’ said the Third Wise Man. ‘We don’t know him.’
    â€˜Well, of course we don’t,’ said the Second Wise Man. ‘No one does.’
    â€˜Except Darkwood himself,’ said the Third Wise Man. ‘He knows Darkwood. You really do need to learn to be more precise.’
    â€˜Oh, go and eat your trousers,’ snapped the Second Wise Man.
    â€˜See, that’s exactly, or rather precisely, what I mean,’ said the Third Wise Man. ‘I am Chinese. I am a Chinese Wise Man. I wear robes of hand-spun silk. I do not wear trousers, so how can I eat them?’
    â€˜I was being very precise,’ said the Second Wise Man. ‘I did not say eat the trousers you are wearing. I said, “Go and eat your trousers.” I was referring to the chocolate trousers you keep in a small box by your bed that you nibble in the middle of the night when you think we are asleep, so you don’t have to share them with us.’
    â€˜Have you been eating my trousers?’ said the Third Wise Man.
    â€˜No, it was him,’ said the Second Wise Man, pointing up the stairs.
    Peter realised that talking to the old men was like trying to untangle an enormous ball of very knotted string. It was the kind of thing that could send you crazy, as it obviously had done to the three of them. They may have been wise at some time in the distant past but now they were as mad as hatters. Still, if the Three Wise Men really did have a book that could tell them what to do, they might as well wait.
    The Third Wise Man poured some tea from an iron pot on the windowsill and handed it to thechildren. It was stone cold, but as the old man was watching them intently, Peter and Festival had to drink it.
    â€˜Can you feel it improving your brain?’ he said.
    The Second Wise Man sat at the table trying to build a pyramid from playing cards. The Third Wise Man went and stood very close to the wall and began whispering to himself.
    After half an hour of this Festival said, ‘If you know exactly where the book is, why is he taking so long to find it?’
    â€˜He can’t read,’ said the Second Wise Man.
    Normally, Peter would never question anything an adult said to him, even if it seemed ridiculous or completely untrue, but now he could keep quiet no longer.
    â€˜Well, couldn’t he just count …’ Peter began, realising before he finished that the First Wise Man probably couldn’t count either.
    â€˜Don’t say it,’ he added. ‘I’ll go and get it,’ and he ran up the stairs.
    â€˜Why did you say Father Christmas wasn’t real?’ Festival said when he had gone. ‘ I know he isn’t, but Peter might still believe in him.’
    â€˜Well, so do I,’ said the Third Wise Man. ‘I was just pretending I didn’t.’
    Peter came downstairs carrying a large book.
    â€˜You’re both wrong,’ he said to the two old men. ‘It’s called “I Bet You Wished You Knew What To Do When Someone Arrives Without The Book” . It’s useless.’
    â€˜Are you sure it’s not called “The Idiot’s Guide To I Bet You Wished You Knew What To Do When Someone Arrives Without The Book”?’ said the Second Wise Man.
    â€˜What’s it say?’ said Festival, and to Peter she whispered, ‘What’s the old man doing up there?’
    â€˜Lying on the floor sucking his thumb,’ said Peter. ‘The book is useless because there’s nothing written in it. Look.’
    Apart from the title page, the book was completely blank.
    â€˜It’s a work in progress,’ said the Third Wise Man. ‘I’m still doing the research.’
    â€˜They were right,’ said Peter. ‘You are idiots. How on earth did you ever get called wise