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Authors: Corey Mintz
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I’ve got my oven at 250°F (120°C). Beets are roasting and pork belly is braising. I know I’m not going to forget them because it’s making my apartment uncomfortably hot. But every time I brine chicken overnight, I leave a note on my bathroom mirror that says, “Rinse that chicken off, dummy.”
At the very latest, you should plan your prep to be completed thirty minutes before showtime. That leaves time for emergencies — for making something again because you burned it or there wasn’t enough.
THE CLEANING AND THE SETTING
Y our house does not need to be professionally cleaned just because you’re having guests over. Everyone owns sneakers, children’s toys, and umbrellas. Your friends do, too. We understand this. And unless you live in an ultra-modern showroom for Danish furniture, a science lab, or a recreated set from Stanley Kubrick’s 2001 , some of that humanity is going to show. Don’t worry about concealing every last trace of your possessions. But that doesn’t mean you have to be a slob. A dirty toilet or sink is embarrassing.
Any room that guests will be in should be neat. Not spotless, but neat. That means the living room, dining room, and kitchen, and especially the bathroom. That is the room that guests will be in alone, with the time to notice that your mirror is covered in whatever ejects from your teeth as you floss. Make sure that the sink, toilet, and mirror are scrubbed.
I had an uncle who kept his porn stash in the guest bathroom, probably so his wife wouldn’t find it. Instead, I found it, every year on Passover. In case there are any technophobes out there who still own non-digital pornography, do not store it in the guest bathroom, where a guest might uncover it while searching for spare toilet paper.
And do have spare toilet paper. Leave not even the slightest chance of subjecting a guest to the humiliation of that shortage.
Depending on what type of table and chairs you have, give them a once-over to make sure guests aren’t sitting in gum or other residues. No one cares if your bedroom is messy, even if you are using it to store coats. Rather than preoccupy yourself with steam cleaning the sofa and dusting every shelf, just try to keep surfaces free of clutter.
Many people have books or magazines on their coffee table. But if you expect guests to put drinks on it, your collection of New Yorker s and vintage Life magazines are in the way. We get it — you read this week’s review of the biography of Lincoln. But if guests sit on a sofa, they will want a place to put their drinks down. The coffee table or side tables must be free of your belongings.
Your kitchen should be spotless, not just for appearances or hygiene, but for your ease of use. Some space, not needed for cooking, should be cleared and dedicated for the wine or flowers that your guests will bring. Left to their own devices, they will put these things exactly in the middle of your workspace. You could be doing your last-minute chiffonade of basil and guests will drop a bouquet of lilies right on the cutting board.
If you are one of those people who insist on having every conceivable accoutrement of Victorian refinement, then knock yourself out. Lay down three forks, two spoons, and two knives. Wedge napkins into silver napkin holders. Assemble a diorama in the table’s centre that depicts the history of table setting.
But I’m a minimalist. I believe the only things that belong on the table are the tools we need for eating dinner. For me, that usually means wineglasses, water glasses, napkins, cutlery, and candles. But it can depend on the evening and the meal. If you’ve made pizza — and congratulations on making dough from scratch — you don’t need any cutlery. If you’ve made some Asian noodle dish, put out chopsticks. The word “utensil” stems from utensilia , Latin for “things for use.” They are tools, not decoration. Don’t put out tools you don’t need.
To start, the table will
At the very latest, you should plan your prep to be completed thirty minutes before showtime. That leaves time for emergencies — for making something again because you burned it or there wasn’t enough.
THE CLEANING AND THE SETTING
Y our house does not need to be professionally cleaned just because you’re having guests over. Everyone owns sneakers, children’s toys, and umbrellas. Your friends do, too. We understand this. And unless you live in an ultra-modern showroom for Danish furniture, a science lab, or a recreated set from Stanley Kubrick’s 2001 , some of that humanity is going to show. Don’t worry about concealing every last trace of your possessions. But that doesn’t mean you have to be a slob. A dirty toilet or sink is embarrassing.
Any room that guests will be in should be neat. Not spotless, but neat. That means the living room, dining room, and kitchen, and especially the bathroom. That is the room that guests will be in alone, with the time to notice that your mirror is covered in whatever ejects from your teeth as you floss. Make sure that the sink, toilet, and mirror are scrubbed.
I had an uncle who kept his porn stash in the guest bathroom, probably so his wife wouldn’t find it. Instead, I found it, every year on Passover. In case there are any technophobes out there who still own non-digital pornography, do not store it in the guest bathroom, where a guest might uncover it while searching for spare toilet paper.
And do have spare toilet paper. Leave not even the slightest chance of subjecting a guest to the humiliation of that shortage.
Depending on what type of table and chairs you have, give them a once-over to make sure guests aren’t sitting in gum or other residues. No one cares if your bedroom is messy, even if you are using it to store coats. Rather than preoccupy yourself with steam cleaning the sofa and dusting every shelf, just try to keep surfaces free of clutter.
Many people have books or magazines on their coffee table. But if you expect guests to put drinks on it, your collection of New Yorker s and vintage Life magazines are in the way. We get it — you read this week’s review of the biography of Lincoln. But if guests sit on a sofa, they will want a place to put their drinks down. The coffee table or side tables must be free of your belongings.
Your kitchen should be spotless, not just for appearances or hygiene, but for your ease of use. Some space, not needed for cooking, should be cleared and dedicated for the wine or flowers that your guests will bring. Left to their own devices, they will put these things exactly in the middle of your workspace. You could be doing your last-minute chiffonade of basil and guests will drop a bouquet of lilies right on the cutting board.
If you are one of those people who insist on having every conceivable accoutrement of Victorian refinement, then knock yourself out. Lay down three forks, two spoons, and two knives. Wedge napkins into silver napkin holders. Assemble a diorama in the table’s centre that depicts the history of table setting.
But I’m a minimalist. I believe the only things that belong on the table are the tools we need for eating dinner. For me, that usually means wineglasses, water glasses, napkins, cutlery, and candles. But it can depend on the evening and the meal. If you’ve made pizza — and congratulations on making dough from scratch — you don’t need any cutlery. If you’ve made some Asian noodle dish, put out chopsticks. The word “utensil” stems from utensilia , Latin for “things for use.” They are tools, not decoration. Don’t put out tools you don’t need.
To start, the table will
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