Read Online How To Be Brave by Louise Beech - Free Book Online Page A

conjured him up to come and rescue us, and now find we must save ourselves?
    You’ve found the book .
    I awaited the night, when my fingers continued to work at the ribbons.
    Another day passed. Another prick, pain, blood, prick, pain, blood; another meal or snack eaten quietly while I forced cheery chitchat; another injection in a resistant too-thin thigh or tummy; bleak silence after silence after silence.
    Only the dark was kind to me. At night, because she was half asleep, I managed to sneak in and do Rose’s two nightly blood tests, before she realised and scratched me and cursed.
    In between it all, there was a call from Jake: he mostly talked to Rose about going back to school. He was the only person she would open up to. Though envious that she found words for her dad, I loved hearing her description of why school was rubbish and she shouldn’t have to go. If I closed my eyes and ignored the lancets on the kitchen worktop and the logbook on the table, it could almost be that we had gone back in time.
    When I got five minutes with Jake, he said, ‘She’s quiet, isn’t she?’
    ‘Quiet? That was chatty compared with usual these days.’
    Jake paused. ‘You sound different too,’ he said.
    ‘I am different,’ I said. ‘It’s all different, isn’t it?’
    ‘I wish I was home,’ he said.
    ‘So do I,’ I admitted.
    ‘Why don’t you ask my mum to come and stay a while,’ he suggested. ‘You know she wouldn’t mind.’
    ‘I don’t need anyone.’ Jake’s mum Krista was sweet, a little bossy but well meaning. I didn’t want her taking over. ‘If someone helps me it’s only delaying the inevitable – that there’s just me. Just me and Rose. I’d rather face it straight away. Rip off the plaster fast.’
    ‘Time will fly,’ said Jake. ‘I’ll be back before you know it.’
    When I hung up I felt sure for a moment that someone stood behind me. I spun about, expecting Rose. No one. Just a room full of things I had to do and emptiness I had to face.
    You’ve found the book . The thought that later I would continue trying to unravel the knots to get inside it kept me going.

    Rose returned to school and I had no idea how she felt about it. Shelley educated the staff on Rose’s needs and, having arranged to take three months off work, I went into school at lunchtime to do the necessary finger prick and injection.
    We sat in the school office amongst grey files and boxes of footballs and lost PE kits. If a teacher entered, Rose gave me her hand, but never her gaze. Small heads bobbed past the sliding window, some jumping up to peer in and see what we were up to. I realised how different Rose must feel, having to think always about what she should or shouldn’t eat, worrying about not-yet-experienced hypos and bruises and the new pink medical alert bracelet we’d bought.
    One lunchtime I looked for her friends Jade and Hannah in the cloakroom. I wanted to ask how she seemed but Rose saw me first and found the voice she never gave me anymore. ‘Mum, what are you doing here?’
    ‘I was only going to ask your friends if you’re okay,’ I said, wearily. ‘You never tell me anything and I’m just worried.’
    ‘Mum, you can’t,’ she said, distressed. ‘I don’t tell them about diabetes.’ She whispered the D word like something terrible would happen if it reached ears beyond ours. ‘I don’t want them to know.’
    ‘They’ll know,’ I said softly, relishing our conversation, however fraught. ‘Their mums probably told them.’
    The potent smell of socks and plimsolls and floor polish made me feel as though I too were nine again. I recalled how important it was to fit in. How hard I’d tried to laugh at the jokes everyone else did and to do well at games.
    ‘We don’t talk about it.’ Rose closed her eyes as though to make me disappear. ‘We talk about stuff that I want to talk about. Stay away from my friends!’
    ‘They need to know,’ I said. ‘They might have to help you