and then opened her mouth. Her voice this time was very high and sharp, but clear as a choirboy’s.
I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin problem
And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin problem
I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin problem
And yeah I like to fuck I got a fuckin problem
If finding somebody real is your fuckin problem
Bring your girls to the crib maybe we can solve iiiiiiiiit
I didn’t recognise the lyrics, but there was a strange hypnotic rhythm to them.
I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin problem
And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin problem
As she repeated the song, the trolls joined in. A few at first, then the whole lot of them, including Raviva. They weren’t complicated lyrics, just the same few lines over and over, but the crowd sang along like they were the most meaningful words ever spoken.
I don’t know how many verses she went through, but eventually her voice started to crack and she stopped.
The trolls went crazy. They cheered and roared and clapped and stomped. Bits of the roof fell around us. Flossie jumped off the stage and ran into Dudley’s arms, mostly to avoid falling debris.
Kaceyton took to the stage as the noise subsided and in a shaky voice said, “That, that was so beautiful… I can’t… I just can’t…” and then ran off the stage.
“It seems we have a winner,” said Raviva. “Victory to the humans!”
There was a round of applause. Fortunately, a little more restrained than the last time.
“And as promised you will be rewarded. With death!”
I was stunned. He’d lied. I’d got so caught up in the contest I hadn’t even considered that as a possibility.
“I’m just trolling!” Raviva laughed. “You are free to go. Congratulations!”
My legs turned to jelly. I sank down to the ground and put my face in my hands. Fucking trolls.
10. Gutted
Raviva offered to guide us out of the caves. Which was great, seeing as how we had no idea of the real layout of the place, but it was hard not to be suspicious of his motives. With trolls, you could never tell what was for real and what was the next hilarious prank. When Jespert had warned us about trolls having terrible sense of humour, he hadn’t been kidding.
We set off with Raviva at the front and a couple of trolls bringing up the rear. Kaceyton also accompanied us, chatting with Flossie about favourite songs and swapping dance moves. They had become quite good friends, which could prove to be useful later. Or it could be our downfall. Paranoid? You betcha. Not until we were back in the outside world did I intend to let my guard down.
“It’s been some time since we had such an intense match,” said Raviva as he led us through a maze of tunnels. “Shame we couldn’t keep going,” he leaned towards me, which made me flinch, and whispered loud enough to give my hair a new parting, “but Kaceyton’s always been an emotional girl.”
Kaceyton was female. You’d be hard pressed to tell her apart from the males (assuming the others were male), but I didn’t say that out loud. I doubted troll women were any less sensitive than human ones when it came to being told they looked like men.
“It’s so hard finding decent competitors these days,” mused Raviva. “That’s why I was so pleased you were sent to us. Fresh meat is the best meat!”
Did he meant the figuratively or literally? Probably both.
“Are you saying the zombers sent us into the tunnels knowing this would happen?” I asked him.
“Who? Oh, you mean the zombies.” Trolls weren’t too bothered about political correctness, it seemed. “Of course. Normally they send two of their own, but you were sent in their stead. To be honest with you, they rarely pose much of a challenge. Oh they try their best, I mean they have to or everyone they know and love will be killed, but they aren’t the most athletic of people.”
Yes, I
I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin problem
And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin problem
I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin problem
And yeah I like to fuck I got a fuckin problem
If finding somebody real is your fuckin problem
Bring your girls to the crib maybe we can solve iiiiiiiiit
I didn’t recognise the lyrics, but there was a strange hypnotic rhythm to them.
I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin problem
And yeah I like to fuck, I got a fuckin problem
As she repeated the song, the trolls joined in. A few at first, then the whole lot of them, including Raviva. They weren’t complicated lyrics, just the same few lines over and over, but the crowd sang along like they were the most meaningful words ever spoken.
I don’t know how many verses she went through, but eventually her voice started to crack and she stopped.
The trolls went crazy. They cheered and roared and clapped and stomped. Bits of the roof fell around us. Flossie jumped off the stage and ran into Dudley’s arms, mostly to avoid falling debris.
Kaceyton took to the stage as the noise subsided and in a shaky voice said, “That, that was so beautiful… I can’t… I just can’t…” and then ran off the stage.
“It seems we have a winner,” said Raviva. “Victory to the humans!”
There was a round of applause. Fortunately, a little more restrained than the last time.
“And as promised you will be rewarded. With death!”
I was stunned. He’d lied. I’d got so caught up in the contest I hadn’t even considered that as a possibility.
“I’m just trolling!” Raviva laughed. “You are free to go. Congratulations!”
My legs turned to jelly. I sank down to the ground and put my face in my hands. Fucking trolls.
10. Gutted
Raviva offered to guide us out of the caves. Which was great, seeing as how we had no idea of the real layout of the place, but it was hard not to be suspicious of his motives. With trolls, you could never tell what was for real and what was the next hilarious prank. When Jespert had warned us about trolls having terrible sense of humour, he hadn’t been kidding.
We set off with Raviva at the front and a couple of trolls bringing up the rear. Kaceyton also accompanied us, chatting with Flossie about favourite songs and swapping dance moves. They had become quite good friends, which could prove to be useful later. Or it could be our downfall. Paranoid? You betcha. Not until we were back in the outside world did I intend to let my guard down.
“It’s been some time since we had such an intense match,” said Raviva as he led us through a maze of tunnels. “Shame we couldn’t keep going,” he leaned towards me, which made me flinch, and whispered loud enough to give my hair a new parting, “but Kaceyton’s always been an emotional girl.”
Kaceyton was female. You’d be hard pressed to tell her apart from the males (assuming the others were male), but I didn’t say that out loud. I doubted troll women were any less sensitive than human ones when it came to being told they looked like men.
“It’s so hard finding decent competitors these days,” mused Raviva. “That’s why I was so pleased you were sent to us. Fresh meat is the best meat!”
Did he meant the figuratively or literally? Probably both.
“Are you saying the zombers sent us into the tunnels knowing this would happen?” I asked him.
“Who? Oh, you mean the zombies.” Trolls weren’t too bothered about political correctness, it seemed. “Of course. Normally they send two of their own, but you were sent in their stead. To be honest with you, they rarely pose much of a challenge. Oh they try their best, I mean they have to or everyone they know and love will be killed, but they aren’t the most athletic of people.”
Yes, I
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