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Was it me or were these lyrics somewhat suggestive?
You wanna stick it in my face
I’ll break it off
One left, one right
I bust you in half
‘Cause my fists so fast they go
The trolls responded: BADA BOOM BOOM
And my hips so fast they go
Again the trolls joined in: ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM
When shit is getting heavy
Like it weighs a ton
I will split you open
Just for fun
Cast you out
Like a class A magician
Hammer your hopes
On my anvil of submission
And when you get tired and want a rest
I will pull out your spine
AND FUCK YOU IN THE NECK
The crowd joining in on the last line devolved into roars of approval. I thought there was going to be a cave in.
Oooookay, then. Kind of aggressive lyrics for a singing competition, but for all I knew that passed for a love ballad around here.
Once the riot had quelled to a minor commotion, Flossie meekly took to the stage. She looked tiny and alone. In short, petrified.
Dudley started clapping. “You can do it!”
We joined in, shouting words of encouragement.
Flossie’s first words were lost in a cough. She cleared her throat and started again. Her voice was very quiet and a bit wobbly. And not in English.
Najin tasaro inga jogin yoja
She was singing in Korean. Did I know Korean? No. I couldn’t really tell one Far Eastern language from another, but in this case I recognised the song. I’d told her to sing something catchy, and there are few songs catchier than the one she’d chosen. I thought she might go with something by Beyoncé or Rhianna, but no, she had decided to sing ‘Gangnam Style’.
Gradually her voice steadied, and after a few lines in, she was belting it out.
To her credit, she knew all the words, in the original Korean. At least, that’s what it sounded like—I guess she could have been making it up as she went, but it didn’t matter. She had the dance moves down pat. The horse riding, the side-step shimmy, she did all of it, her eyes locked onto Dudley the entire time.
By the time she got to:
Hey, sexy lady
Op, op, op, op
she was in full swing. The original featured a short, plump Korean, this version with a short, plump Brummie wasn’t so different. In fact it was quite a performance. She was completely lost in the song and drenched in sweat as she bounced around the small stage.
Oppa Gangnam Style.
She stopped, out of breath and looking a bit dazed. Dudley sprang to his feet and started clapping.
“Marvellous, marvellous, bravo!”
We all joined in of course, but the real surprise was when the trolls also got to their feet and began cheering and clapping. Clearly they had never seen anything like it. No one had. The question, though, was had we won? The response was definitely bigger than Kaceyton’s.
Raviva got on stage and motioned for everyone to quiet down.
“Well, that was certainly an amazing performance. So unique. So different. The victory clearly goes to... the humans.”
Flossie had done it. We were free. Free! Could it really be so easy? No.
“Now for round two.”
“Wait,” I called out. “We never agreed to more than one round.”
“Best of three, of course. What kind of contest would it be otherwise?”
He had a point. But could Flossie pull it off again?
“This time, the human will go first. Take it away.”
Flossie looked even more nervous than the first time. She stood there, staring down at Dudley. The crowd started to get restless.
“I’ll have to hurry you,” said Raviva.
Flossie looked towards the back of the room where we were all stood. “Ah can’t think of anything. What should ah sing?”
“Doesn’t matter,” I shouted back. “First thing that pops into your head. We’re already in the lead.” Her unconventional choice had worked first time, why not again?
She nodded at me, screwed up her eyes like she was thinking hard,
Was it me or were these lyrics somewhat suggestive?
You wanna stick it in my face
I’ll break it off
One left, one right
I bust you in half
‘Cause my fists so fast they go
The trolls responded: BADA BOOM BOOM
And my hips so fast they go
Again the trolls joined in: ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM
When shit is getting heavy
Like it weighs a ton
I will split you open
Just for fun
Cast you out
Like a class A magician
Hammer your hopes
On my anvil of submission
And when you get tired and want a rest
I will pull out your spine
AND FUCK YOU IN THE NECK
The crowd joining in on the last line devolved into roars of approval. I thought there was going to be a cave in.
Oooookay, then. Kind of aggressive lyrics for a singing competition, but for all I knew that passed for a love ballad around here.
Once the riot had quelled to a minor commotion, Flossie meekly took to the stage. She looked tiny and alone. In short, petrified.
Dudley started clapping. “You can do it!”
We joined in, shouting words of encouragement.
Flossie’s first words were lost in a cough. She cleared her throat and started again. Her voice was very quiet and a bit wobbly. And not in English.
Najin tasaro inga jogin yoja
She was singing in Korean. Did I know Korean? No. I couldn’t really tell one Far Eastern language from another, but in this case I recognised the song. I’d told her to sing something catchy, and there are few songs catchier than the one she’d chosen. I thought she might go with something by Beyoncé or Rhianna, but no, she had decided to sing ‘Gangnam Style’.
Gradually her voice steadied, and after a few lines in, she was belting it out.
To her credit, she knew all the words, in the original Korean. At least, that’s what it sounded like—I guess she could have been making it up as she went, but it didn’t matter. She had the dance moves down pat. The horse riding, the side-step shimmy, she did all of it, her eyes locked onto Dudley the entire time.
By the time she got to:
Hey, sexy lady
Op, op, op, op
she was in full swing. The original featured a short, plump Korean, this version with a short, plump Brummie wasn’t so different. In fact it was quite a performance. She was completely lost in the song and drenched in sweat as she bounced around the small stage.
Oppa Gangnam Style.
She stopped, out of breath and looking a bit dazed. Dudley sprang to his feet and started clapping.
“Marvellous, marvellous, bravo!”
We all joined in of course, but the real surprise was when the trolls also got to their feet and began cheering and clapping. Clearly they had never seen anything like it. No one had. The question, though, was had we won? The response was definitely bigger than Kaceyton’s.
Raviva got on stage and motioned for everyone to quiet down.
“Well, that was certainly an amazing performance. So unique. So different. The victory clearly goes to... the humans.”
Flossie had done it. We were free. Free! Could it really be so easy? No.
“Now for round two.”
“Wait,” I called out. “We never agreed to more than one round.”
“Best of three, of course. What kind of contest would it be otherwise?”
He had a point. But could Flossie pull it off again?
“This time, the human will go first. Take it away.”
Flossie looked even more nervous than the first time. She stood there, staring down at Dudley. The crowd started to get restless.
“I’ll have to hurry you,” said Raviva.
Flossie looked towards the back of the room where we were all stood. “Ah can’t think of anything. What should ah sing?”
“Doesn’t matter,” I shouted back. “First thing that pops into your head. We’re already in the lead.” Her unconventional choice had worked first time, why not again?
She nodded at me, screwed up her eyes like she was thinking hard,
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