Read Online How Best to Avoid Dying by Owen Egerton - Free Book Online
Authors: Owen Egerton
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from her. The smile is growing. A sliver of teeth is showing. I close my eyes and take some deep breaths. Try and slow it down. Try and slow it all down.
Itâs dark outside. Night. Later we can leave. Maybe drive away. She just smiles.
I turn out all the lights. First in the living room, then the kitchen and bedroom. All of them, till the whole house is black. Jenny loved this game. Hide and Seek in the dark. The seeker tries to make the others give themselves away. Make them snicker, then you find them.
âJenny?â
I walk from the bedroom slowly. Hands out in front, feeling walls and doors in the darkness. Carpet to tile. So quiet. Just my feet on the tile and the refrigerator humming. Part of me doesnât want to make a noise. Just wants to hide in the quiet. But thatâs not how you play.
âJenny.â
The idea is to make them laugh.
âJenny, Larry is upset that you ate his bait. Heâd grown to like it.â
I touch the couch arms.
âJenny?â
Thereâs a hiss. An exhale. I step back. Legs hitting the coffee table. Reach for the lamp. I turn it on with a twist, but send it falling with the same motion. For a moment I see Jenny and her smile. Then the smash and the room is darker than before.
âJenny?â
I take a step and trip on the lamp. I crawl. Hands on wood, plank by plank. My hands touch something small, smooth. The roach bate. I hold it hard, the torn edges cutting. Crawl. I touch feet.
âJenny?â
Climb to her knees. Crawl up, on to the couch, beside her.
âJenny?â
I take her hand. My other still holding the bait. I squeeze her hand.
I donât move. I donât breathe. In the room black changes to different shades of dark. Outlines and objects. I wouldnât move. I wouldnât breathe. Jenny, I wouldnât even breathe. I donât want to die, Jenny. For no good reason, I donât want to die. And even if I did, I donât think I could. Stop squeezing, Jenny. Youâre hurting my hand. Letâs just sit here in the dark. My heart is popping like a stand up bass, Jenny. Weâll just sit here and listen to my heart. Just be still. In a few hours weâll leave. Iâll put you in the car and drive you to Mexico, okay? The sun will be up by then and it will burn all the black away. Okay, Jenny? Okay?
CHALLENGING, REPULSIVE, AND AWESOME
Did you find everything you needed?
Good.
Diet Coke, Twix, Camel Lights. Iâm surprised you smoke. Your teeth are so pretty.
More gum. Already? You bought some this morning.
I remember. You came in this morning. Last night, twice. Four times yesterday and three times the day before, once at three AM . Thatâs a lot of Stop&Shop.
I understand. It seems like Iâm always here, right? Like I never leave? Well, itâs true. I am always here. I never leave. Iâm the only employee of the 24 hour Stop&Shop.
Really. First I was hired by a tall man originally from Nigeria. I donât know who hired him. Someone who lives somewhere else.
I was made night manager in December. I called my father to tell him. He was in a nursing home and didnât understand any more. It didnât mean much, night manager, just that I worked nights, ten to six. At six in the morning the tall man from Nigeria came in for his shift. One day he didnât. I waited, but nothing. And the customers kept walking inâmorning rush for coffee and energy bars. So I served.
The afternoon woman came in at two and I went home to sleep. But I couldnât sleep. I fed my cat and sat on my couch and waited for eight PM and the Stop&Shop. It was growing then, the idea. So simple. Great ideas are simple, like Slim Jims. I worked that night and by morning I was hoping, maybe praying, the Nigerian wouldnât show. But he did. So I fired him. I fired him with a strong voice claiming authority from someone who lives somewhere else. And the Nigerian left and didnât come back.
For
Itâs dark outside. Night. Later we can leave. Maybe drive away. She just smiles.
I turn out all the lights. First in the living room, then the kitchen and bedroom. All of them, till the whole house is black. Jenny loved this game. Hide and Seek in the dark. The seeker tries to make the others give themselves away. Make them snicker, then you find them.
âJenny?â
I walk from the bedroom slowly. Hands out in front, feeling walls and doors in the darkness. Carpet to tile. So quiet. Just my feet on the tile and the refrigerator humming. Part of me doesnât want to make a noise. Just wants to hide in the quiet. But thatâs not how you play.
âJenny.â
The idea is to make them laugh.
âJenny, Larry is upset that you ate his bait. Heâd grown to like it.â
I touch the couch arms.
âJenny?â
Thereâs a hiss. An exhale. I step back. Legs hitting the coffee table. Reach for the lamp. I turn it on with a twist, but send it falling with the same motion. For a moment I see Jenny and her smile. Then the smash and the room is darker than before.
âJenny?â
I take a step and trip on the lamp. I crawl. Hands on wood, plank by plank. My hands touch something small, smooth. The roach bate. I hold it hard, the torn edges cutting. Crawl. I touch feet.
âJenny?â
Climb to her knees. Crawl up, on to the couch, beside her.
âJenny?â
I take her hand. My other still holding the bait. I squeeze her hand.
I donât move. I donât breathe. In the room black changes to different shades of dark. Outlines and objects. I wouldnât move. I wouldnât breathe. Jenny, I wouldnât even breathe. I donât want to die, Jenny. For no good reason, I donât want to die. And even if I did, I donât think I could. Stop squeezing, Jenny. Youâre hurting my hand. Letâs just sit here in the dark. My heart is popping like a stand up bass, Jenny. Weâll just sit here and listen to my heart. Just be still. In a few hours weâll leave. Iâll put you in the car and drive you to Mexico, okay? The sun will be up by then and it will burn all the black away. Okay, Jenny? Okay?
CHALLENGING, REPULSIVE, AND AWESOME
Did you find everything you needed?
Good.
Diet Coke, Twix, Camel Lights. Iâm surprised you smoke. Your teeth are so pretty.
More gum. Already? You bought some this morning.
I remember. You came in this morning. Last night, twice. Four times yesterday and three times the day before, once at three AM . Thatâs a lot of Stop&Shop.
I understand. It seems like Iâm always here, right? Like I never leave? Well, itâs true. I am always here. I never leave. Iâm the only employee of the 24 hour Stop&Shop.
Really. First I was hired by a tall man originally from Nigeria. I donât know who hired him. Someone who lives somewhere else.
I was made night manager in December. I called my father to tell him. He was in a nursing home and didnât understand any more. It didnât mean much, night manager, just that I worked nights, ten to six. At six in the morning the tall man from Nigeria came in for his shift. One day he didnât. I waited, but nothing. And the customers kept walking inâmorning rush for coffee and energy bars. So I served.
The afternoon woman came in at two and I went home to sleep. But I couldnât sleep. I fed my cat and sat on my couch and waited for eight PM and the Stop&Shop. It was growing then, the idea. So simple. Great ideas are simple, like Slim Jims. I worked that night and by morning I was hoping, maybe praying, the Nigerian wouldnât show. But he did. So I fired him. I fired him with a strong voice claiming authority from someone who lives somewhere else. And the Nigerian left and didnât come back.
For
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