shop. As much as I’m not loving how pitiful my life has become in such a short amount of time, I’m glad to be out of the house. Oh, and alive. Yeah, I guess I can’t really forget that important detail. It sucks that I can’t feel comfortable talking about how much I hate not being able to do things on my own. I can barely take a shit without someone right there asking me if I need them to wipe for me but I’m trying to be thankful and all that. So when I talk about how annoyed I’m getting I just sound like a dick. Nobody understands unless they’ve been in a similar situation. It’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes… that is, in a shitty situation, when you are also knee deep in shit yourself.
I can see gawking eyes following me throughout every store that we enter. It is really unnerving and I want nothing more than to flip them all the bird. The surgeons had to shave my hair to release some of the pressure off my brain when I was laid up in the hospital and now I look like a nerd with uneven shaved hair and a huge scar taking permanent residence on the back of my head. I hate having short hair, nothing bothers me more. I wasn’t a metro-sexual by any means, but I like the ladies running their hands through my hair; it gave them something to grip onto while they were screaming my name. Now people aren’t staring at me in the good way. Oh no, it’s pity in their eyes. I can feel it. I’ve never been self-conscious in my entire life before now and it fucking sucks.
Krissi digs her nails into my upper arm hard, shaking me from my thoughts. I have had a tendency to be very ADHD lately, my mind constantly scrambling, trying to grip onto any shred of a memory that it can.
“Let’s go in t hat store, handsome." She points her finger to some chick store that has black lacey lingerie in the window.
"I’ll let you pick me out something real sexy and we can pla y later,” she practically purrs into my ear. My lower region is starting to stand at attention, but the rest of my body was rioting. It drives me nuts that my lower brain and upper brain aren’t in sync when it comes to her.
She attempts to drag me into the store, but I dig my feet into the tile. I want no part in it. Victoria could save her secret for someone else - I’m just not in the mood. Things between Krissi and I haven’t been easy since the accident. As much as my memories are telling me that I love her, my heart is drumming to a completely different beat. She has stripped naked for me on more than one occasion now, but we still haven’t done anything. I’ve left her disappointed and unsatisfied each time. I fucking hate that I’m not turned on by my girl. It’s like that part of me has ran away and died somewhere. I honestly feel like less of a man when I can’t get it up fully. Sure, I get hard. What kind of guy wouldn’t? Krissi is fucking sexy, there are zero doubts in my mind about that, but when she starts to get near me, I deflate. My ego goes right along with my man downstairs. I get cranky and moody. I have to down sleeping pills just to pass the fuck out and forget about the shame I feel.
I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s got something to do with the accident and, lucky for me, Krissi hasn’t gotten too pissed about it yet. I’ve also had thoughts that it very well could have something to do with the chick from the hospital. For some reason, I haven’t been able to get the girl off my mind. She looks nothing like my usual - too innocent for me, too blonde, too bright. But she’s in my dreams. I hear her voice almost every night. I definitely can’t let Krissi in on that little tidbit, though. She’ll cut my balls off for sure. She’s a jealous one and she plays fucking dirty.
I give her a swift kiss on the cheek and reach in my pocket to pull out my wallet. I hand her my debit card and she quickly snatches it from my grasp.
“Here, pick out
I can see gawking eyes following me throughout every store that we enter. It is really unnerving and I want nothing more than to flip them all the bird. The surgeons had to shave my hair to release some of the pressure off my brain when I was laid up in the hospital and now I look like a nerd with uneven shaved hair and a huge scar taking permanent residence on the back of my head. I hate having short hair, nothing bothers me more. I wasn’t a metro-sexual by any means, but I like the ladies running their hands through my hair; it gave them something to grip onto while they were screaming my name. Now people aren’t staring at me in the good way. Oh no, it’s pity in their eyes. I can feel it. I’ve never been self-conscious in my entire life before now and it fucking sucks.
Krissi digs her nails into my upper arm hard, shaking me from my thoughts. I have had a tendency to be very ADHD lately, my mind constantly scrambling, trying to grip onto any shred of a memory that it can.
“Let’s go in t hat store, handsome." She points her finger to some chick store that has black lacey lingerie in the window.
"I’ll let you pick me out something real sexy and we can pla y later,” she practically purrs into my ear. My lower region is starting to stand at attention, but the rest of my body was rioting. It drives me nuts that my lower brain and upper brain aren’t in sync when it comes to her.
She attempts to drag me into the store, but I dig my feet into the tile. I want no part in it. Victoria could save her secret for someone else - I’m just not in the mood. Things between Krissi and I haven’t been easy since the accident. As much as my memories are telling me that I love her, my heart is drumming to a completely different beat. She has stripped naked for me on more than one occasion now, but we still haven’t done anything. I’ve left her disappointed and unsatisfied each time. I fucking hate that I’m not turned on by my girl. It’s like that part of me has ran away and died somewhere. I honestly feel like less of a man when I can’t get it up fully. Sure, I get hard. What kind of guy wouldn’t? Krissi is fucking sexy, there are zero doubts in my mind about that, but when she starts to get near me, I deflate. My ego goes right along with my man downstairs. I get cranky and moody. I have to down sleeping pills just to pass the fuck out and forget about the shame I feel.
I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s got something to do with the accident and, lucky for me, Krissi hasn’t gotten too pissed about it yet. I’ve also had thoughts that it very well could have something to do with the chick from the hospital. For some reason, I haven’t been able to get the girl off my mind. She looks nothing like my usual - too innocent for me, too blonde, too bright. But she’s in my dreams. I hear her voice almost every night. I definitely can’t let Krissi in on that little tidbit, though. She’ll cut my balls off for sure. She’s a jealous one and she plays fucking dirty.
I give her a swift kiss on the cheek and reach in my pocket to pull out my wallet. I hand her my debit card and she quickly snatches it from my grasp.
“Here, pick out
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