Read Online Horrid Henry's Joke Book by Francesca Simon - Free Book Online Page A

grinder?
    He got a little behind in his work.
    Henry : What’s yellow, brown, and hairy?
    Peter : I don’t know.
    Henry : Cheese on toast stuck to the carpet.
    What do cannibals do at weddings?
    Toast the bride and groom.
    What do you give a cannibal who’s late for dinner?
    The cold shoulder.
    What’s yellow, flat, and flies around the kitchen?
    An unidentified flying omelette.
    What’s the worst thing you’ll find in a school cafeteria?
    The food.

    Miss Battle-Axe : Henry, how many bones have you got in your body?
    Henry : It feels like 4,000. I had fish for lunch in the school cafeteria.

“Out of my way, worm! These jokes are much too gross for you!”
    What happens when a baby eats Rice Krispies?
    It goes snap, crackle, and poop.
    Why is your mouth full of lint?
    My mom vacuumed up my candy.

    What do you get if you sit under a cow?
    A pat on the head.

    What monster do you get at the end of your finger?
    A bogey monster.
    Waiter! Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup.
    Quiet or everyone will want one.
    What’s green and hangs from trees?
    Giraffe snot.
    What do you give seasick elephants?
    Plenty of room.
    Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
    Because they have big fingers to pick it.
    What’s an insect’s best pick-up line?
    â€œIs this stool taken?”
    What goes ha-ha-bonk?
    A man laughing his head off.

    Why did the sand scream?
    The sea weed.
    What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
    Picket.
    How do you make a tissue dance?
    Put a little boogie in it.
    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Alec.
    Alec who?
    Alec to pick my nose.
    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ahab.
    Ahab who?
    Ahab to go to the bathroom.

    What’s brown and sticky?
    A brown stick.

Warning! Make sure you can make a quick getaway if you tell a rabid baby-sitter any of these jokes. Believe me, I know.
    Henry : Rebecca, you remind me of a movie star.
    Rabid Rebecca : Oooh. Which one?
    Henry : The Incredible Hulk.
    Rabid Rebecca : I always speak my mind.
    Henry : I’m surprised you have so much to say then.
    Rabid Rebecca : Whenever I’m down in the dumps, I buy myself a new T-shirt.
    Henry : So that’s where you get them.
    Henry : Why do I have to go to bed?
    Rebecca : Because the bed won’t come to you.
    Rebecca : How long can someone live without a brain?
    Henry : How old are you?
    Did you hear about the baby-sitter who accidentally plugged her electric blanket into the toaster?
    She spent the night popping out of bed.

Nah nah ne nah nah

If you want to make your mean, horrible parents really scream, just tell them one of these jokes.
    What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
    Lambo.
    What’s got four legs and an arm?
    A Rottweiler.
    What do you call a parakeet that’s been run over by a lawn mower?
    Shredded tweet.
    What did the fly say as it hit the windshield?
    That’s me all over.

    What’s the last thing that goes through a wasp’s mind when it hits a windshield?
    Its sting.
    What’s green and red and goes around and around?
    A frog in a blender.

    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
    Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross the road again?
    Because he was a dirty double-crosser.
    Did you hear about the man who had a dog with no legs?
    He took it for a drag every day.
    How do you kill a circus?
    Go for the juggler.

Boy oh boy! Jokes do not get more horrid than these.
    What’s hairy, scary, and wears its underwear on its head?
    The Underwere-wolf.

    Knock Knock!
    Who’s there?
    Underwear.
    Underwear who?
    I underwear my mama is?

    Why do werewolves have holes in their underpants?
    So furry tails can come true.
    What gushes out of the ground shouting, “tighty whities, tighty whities”?
    Crude oil.
    What gushes out of the ground shouting, “Underwear, underwear”?
    Refined oil.
    What hangs out your underpants?
    Your mom.
    Why did the golfer wear two pairs of underpants?
    In case he got a