1
Prepare to Die
Frank and Joe Hardy stood facing each other on an empty cliffside. Beneath them the ocean crashed and roared. In their hands each brother held a sharp metal sword. For a long minute they stared at each other. Suddenly, Joe screamed.
âAHHHHHHH!â
He came running at Frank, sword held high in the air! At the last moment, right as Joe swung his sword at his brotherâs head, Frank dove to theground. He did a perfect front roll and rose to his feet gracefully, out of Joeâs reach. Joeâs sword hit only air, and he stumbled. Frank took advantage of Joeâs momentary loss of balance and swung a vicious cut right at Joeâs stomach. Joe managed to get his sword up, just barely in time to block his brotherâs blow.
They battled back and forth across the cliff. The only sound was the huffing and puffing of their breath, and the loud clash of metal on metal. Sometimes Joe seemed to have forced Frank into a corner, but at the last minute Frank would execute a daring escape. Other times Joe seemed almost at thepoint of surrendering, only to come back with a powerful slice at Frank. Finally, after a round of cuts so fast the eye could barely follow, Joe had Frank disarmed and pressed up against the cliffside! His sword was at Frankâs throat. He looked his brother in the eye and said, âMy name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare toââ
âBoys! What are you doing? And are those my curtain rods?!â
Suddenly, the cliffside and roaring ocean disappeared, and Frank and Joe were standing in their backyard. In their hands they held metal curtain rods instead of swords. Their mother and Aunt Gertrude were leaning out the window of the kitchen. They didnât look happy. Joe lowered his curtain rod.
âMom!â Joe yelled back. âWeâre getting ready for the school talent show, remember?â
âWeâre acting out the big sword fight scene from
The Princess Bride
,â said Frank.
The Princess Bride
wasJoe and Frankâs favorite movie. Theyâd each seen it seventeen times. The big fight between Inigo and Wesley was their favorite part. Theyâd probably watched just that scene more than a hundred times. They were sure it would be a big hit at the Bayport Elementary Schoolâs annual spring talent show.
Aunt Gertrude and their mother had now come out onto the lawn. The boys could tell that they were not happy: They had their hands on their hips and their eyes were narrowed.
âI donât know if itâs safe for you boys to be hitting each other with those,â said their mom. âOne of you could lose an eye!â
âYes,â agreed Aunt Gertrude. âThose curtain rods could hurt somebody!â Aunt Gertrude had just moved in with them a few weeks earlier, and while it was usually great to have her around, sometimes it meant twice as many rules.
âBut, Mom!â said Joe. âWe need to practice.Thereâs going to be a lot of competition.â Theyâd been working on their routine for weeks! If they had to stop now, they would never have time to come up with something new.
âYeah,â chimed in Frank. âCissy is going to be juggling four baseballs at the same time. And Melissa and Todd are going to be singing a duet!â Cissy âSpeedyâ Zermeño had the fastest hands on the local Little League team, the Bayport Bandits. She was good friends with Frank and Joeâbut they still wanted to beat her in the talent show! And Melissa and Todd were like Bayport royaltyâtheyâd once starred in a Tasty, Tasty Treats Ice Cream commercial, and theyâd had the leads in every school play since kindergarten!
But Mrs. Hardy was not convinced.
âYou can practice just as well with something less dangerous. Give me those.â
She held out her hands. Frank and Joe shuffledforward and sadly placed the curtain rods in her hand. All that practicing for
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