sick children. Her own son had died, and she would never get over that. But if she could save enough other children, if she could bring them health and the promise of long, happy futures…Would that qualify as finding herself?
“Both,” she told Adrian. “I think I’ve come here for both….”
FIVE
A T WHAT POINT should Curt start worrying? At what point should he surrender to his Neanderthal instincts and go after Ellie? Not that worrying about her safety was Neanderthal, but she would probably think it was.
Ellie had always been a stubborn feminist, and now, more than before, she was determined to prove she didn’t need him. Yet sometimes she did. When her heart was breaking, when the memories were like razors cutting her to shreds, when she needed a shoulder to cry on, the way she’d needed his shoulder after she’d been overcome by the movie the girls had made…
Once he and Ellie were divorced, he supposed, she would find another shoulder. A shoulder that belonged to a man who hadn’t wounded her the way Curt had.
As far as he knew, she hadn’t found that other shoulder yet. His remained the only available shoulder, and rather than let it absorb any more of her tears, she’d bolted from the room. Now she was off somewhere, wandering around late at night at an inn on a dark country road. Damn it, he wished she’d left him thekey. The night clerk probably had a spare; he could go downstairs, get the extra key and then head outside in search of Ellie.
Not to control her, not to force her back to the room. Just to make sure she was all right.
His gaze snagged on the frozen image on the TV screen: him in his graduation robe and Ellie tucked into the curve of his arm, holding the roses he’d bought her. He wasn’t sure why he’d thought he should present her with roses as well as a diamond ring when he asked her to marry him. She’d already told him a million times she loved him, in a million different ways. They’d constantly discussed the distance between Brown’s campus and Harvard Law School, how they’d still be able to see each other regularly, how she would only apply to nursing programs in Boston so she could join him there once she graduated. They’d talked about the children they hoped to have. She desperately wanted to be a mother, and he couldn’t think of anything better than to make a few babies with her.
Over winter break his senior year, he’d traveled to Pinebrook to meet her parents, and they’d fawned all over him, probably because he’d brought her family impressive Christmas presents: a staggeringly expensive bottle of Scotch for Ellie’s father, a crystal bud vase for her mother and Carl Yastrzemski baseball jerseys for her brothers. Ellie had traveled to New York City to meet his family over spring break, and they’d adored her. They would have loved her even if she hadn’t brought his mother a potted Easter lily. Gifts didn’t dazzle them. Ellie’s intelligence, her humor and her commitment to her calling did.
Despite all that, despite the family introductions and the planning and the fact that they spent nearly every night together in his bed in his scruffy third-floor walk-up on Hope Street, shecould have said no when he’d proposed. She could have come up with some logical argument about how they should wait to figure out how they felt about each other when they were done with their schooling. She could have pointed out that he wasn’t Catholic and she was. She could have told him she loved him as a college boyfriend but not really, not till-death-do-us-part.
So he’d softened her up with a dozen red roses to hold during the graduation ceremony. And he’d sent his parents to their hotel room for an hour and walked Ellie back to his apartment and out onto the porch where he’d first started falling in love with her, and he’d reached through the flaps of his graduation gown to the little velvet-lined box he’d stashed in a pocket of his trousers. He’d
“Both,” she told Adrian. “I think I’ve come here for both….”
FIVE
A T WHAT POINT should Curt start worrying? At what point should he surrender to his Neanderthal instincts and go after Ellie? Not that worrying about her safety was Neanderthal, but she would probably think it was.
Ellie had always been a stubborn feminist, and now, more than before, she was determined to prove she didn’t need him. Yet sometimes she did. When her heart was breaking, when the memories were like razors cutting her to shreds, when she needed a shoulder to cry on, the way she’d needed his shoulder after she’d been overcome by the movie the girls had made…
Once he and Ellie were divorced, he supposed, she would find another shoulder. A shoulder that belonged to a man who hadn’t wounded her the way Curt had.
As far as he knew, she hadn’t found that other shoulder yet. His remained the only available shoulder, and rather than let it absorb any more of her tears, she’d bolted from the room. Now she was off somewhere, wandering around late at night at an inn on a dark country road. Damn it, he wished she’d left him thekey. The night clerk probably had a spare; he could go downstairs, get the extra key and then head outside in search of Ellie.
Not to control her, not to force her back to the room. Just to make sure she was all right.
His gaze snagged on the frozen image on the TV screen: him in his graduation robe and Ellie tucked into the curve of his arm, holding the roses he’d bought her. He wasn’t sure why he’d thought he should present her with roses as well as a diamond ring when he asked her to marry him. She’d already told him a million times she loved him, in a million different ways. They’d constantly discussed the distance between Brown’s campus and Harvard Law School, how they’d still be able to see each other regularly, how she would only apply to nursing programs in Boston so she could join him there once she graduated. They’d talked about the children they hoped to have. She desperately wanted to be a mother, and he couldn’t think of anything better than to make a few babies with her.
Over winter break his senior year, he’d traveled to Pinebrook to meet her parents, and they’d fawned all over him, probably because he’d brought her family impressive Christmas presents: a staggeringly expensive bottle of Scotch for Ellie’s father, a crystal bud vase for her mother and Carl Yastrzemski baseball jerseys for her brothers. Ellie had traveled to New York City to meet his family over spring break, and they’d adored her. They would have loved her even if she hadn’t brought his mother a potted Easter lily. Gifts didn’t dazzle them. Ellie’s intelligence, her humor and her commitment to her calling did.
Despite all that, despite the family introductions and the planning and the fact that they spent nearly every night together in his bed in his scruffy third-floor walk-up on Hope Street, shecould have said no when he’d proposed. She could have come up with some logical argument about how they should wait to figure out how they felt about each other when they were done with their schooling. She could have pointed out that he wasn’t Catholic and she was. She could have told him she loved him as a college boyfriend but not really, not till-death-do-us-part.
So he’d softened her up with a dozen red roses to hold during the graduation ceremony. And he’d sent his parents to their hotel room for an hour and walked Ellie back to his apartment and out onto the porch where he’d first started falling in love with her, and he’d reached through the flaps of his graduation gown to the little velvet-lined box he’d stashed in a pocket of his trousers. He’d
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