sure it would have if it could have moved, and Iimmediately regretted what I’d said. I hadn’t wanted to hurt her – but it was the shock. It was the shock of not seeing her, but this strange cartoon woman.
Before I could apologise, Mum spoke. “Well, Ruby, it might surprise you to learn that what you think isn’t really important,” she said, making my mouth drop open. “For once I am doing something just for me, something to make me feel good about myself.”
“Good?” I heard my voice rise. “You look anything but good. You look dreadful, Mum.”
“Well, I think you look wonderful,” Jeremy said, putting his arm round my mum’s shoulders and shooting me a look of pure disapproval. “Apologise to your mother, Ruby. You’ve been rude and hurtful.”
“I’ve been honest!” I protested automatically. “Look – even David hates it and animals don’t lie!”
Julian gasped and Simone shook her head.
“It’s OK, Jeremy,” Mum said coolly. “My daughter is entitled to her opinion.”
“But she is not entitled to shout at you and embarrass you in this way, in front of all these people,” Jeremy said firmly. “If she has an opinion, she should learn to express it in a more productive way and not like a playground bully.” He fixed his dark eyes on me. “Apologise, Ruby,” he said again.
“You’re not my father!” I told him, hardly believing what I was saying out loud.
“No,” Jeremy said quietly, “but I am your host and this is my house and you will abide by my rules while you are in it. Apologise to your mother.”
I looked at my mum. Somehow I had managed to upset her and Jeremy all at once when I had intended to hurt neither one. I just didn’t understand what had happened to her in the salon. It was as if she had had a personality transplant along with her other treatments.
I dropped my head, finding it awkward to back down to Jeremy, but knowing that I had to.
“Sorry, Mum,” I said. “And sorry, Jeremy. I didn’t mean to be so rude. You look great, Mum, just really different. It was a surprise.”
“Well then,” my mum said with a stiff smile that was a little bit more like her old self, “you’d better come here and give me a hug then.”
She had been about to put her arms around me when Julian stepped in between us.
“Sorry, Mrs Parker,” he said. “I can’t have any tears or mascara staining these clothes until after the show.”
TONIGHT WITH CARL VINE EPISODE 29
AUTOCUE: ROLLING
CARL: GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION OF TONIGHT WITH CARL VINE. (CUE APPLAUSE) WE’VE GOT A GREAT NIGHT LINED UP FOR YOU ALL THIS EVENING! (CUE CHEERS) WE’VE GOT CHRISTIAN DANE HERE TO FINALLY TELL US THE TRUTH ABOUT THOSE ALLEGED REVELATIONS IN PEOPLE’S CHOICE MAGAZINE. (CUE CHEERS AND WHOOPING) ALSO JOINING US THIS EVENING IS COMEDIAN AND FUNNY GUY PETE PETERSON. (IMPROV ASIDE: I HATETHAT GUY. HE’S FUNNIERTHAN ME) AND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HOPETHATTWO VERY IMPORTANT LAST-MINUTE GUESTSWILL BE ABLETO JOIN USTONIGHT (IMPROV ASIDE: “IF I CAN EVER SHUT PETE UP, THAT IS) TOTALKTO US ABOUTTHEIR LATEST FILM ‘THE LOSTTREASURE OF KING ARTHUR’. GET READY TO DRINK SOME TEA WITH ME – IT’S LEGENDARY ENGLISH ACTOR JEREMY FORT AND BRITISH NEWCOMER MISS ROSIE PARKER! (CUE APPLAUSE) BUT ANYWAY, BEFORE OUR FIRST GUEST, I WANTTO TELL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY. (CUE COMIC EXPRESSION AND PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER) AND I PROMISE YOU THIS IS ABSOLUTELYTRUE…
We all waited in one dressing room as we watched the transmission on a TV attached to the wall. Me, Jeremy, Mum, Julian, Cary and Simone, Michael, not to mention David who had scrambled into the car with me, sat on my lap and threatened to bite the fingertips off anyone who tried to remove him. Every now and then Julian would redo my lip gloss and Simone would tweak my hair. And considering it was a fairly small room, there was a very big atmosphere inside it.
After I had apologised, Mum had changed
Before I could apologise, Mum spoke. “Well, Ruby, it might surprise you to learn that what you think isn’t really important,” she said, making my mouth drop open. “For once I am doing something just for me, something to make me feel good about myself.”
“Good?” I heard my voice rise. “You look anything but good. You look dreadful, Mum.”
“Well, I think you look wonderful,” Jeremy said, putting his arm round my mum’s shoulders and shooting me a look of pure disapproval. “Apologise to your mother, Ruby. You’ve been rude and hurtful.”
“I’ve been honest!” I protested automatically. “Look – even David hates it and animals don’t lie!”
Julian gasped and Simone shook her head.
“It’s OK, Jeremy,” Mum said coolly. “My daughter is entitled to her opinion.”
“But she is not entitled to shout at you and embarrass you in this way, in front of all these people,” Jeremy said firmly. “If she has an opinion, she should learn to express it in a more productive way and not like a playground bully.” He fixed his dark eyes on me. “Apologise, Ruby,” he said again.
“You’re not my father!” I told him, hardly believing what I was saying out loud.
“No,” Jeremy said quietly, “but I am your host and this is my house and you will abide by my rules while you are in it. Apologise to your mother.”
I looked at my mum. Somehow I had managed to upset her and Jeremy all at once when I had intended to hurt neither one. I just didn’t understand what had happened to her in the salon. It was as if she had had a personality transplant along with her other treatments.
I dropped my head, finding it awkward to back down to Jeremy, but knowing that I had to.
“Sorry, Mum,” I said. “And sorry, Jeremy. I didn’t mean to be so rude. You look great, Mum, just really different. It was a surprise.”
“Well then,” my mum said with a stiff smile that was a little bit more like her old self, “you’d better come here and give me a hug then.”
She had been about to put her arms around me when Julian stepped in between us.
“Sorry, Mrs Parker,” he said. “I can’t have any tears or mascara staining these clothes until after the show.”
TONIGHT WITH CARL VINE EPISODE 29
AUTOCUE: ROLLING
CARL: GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION OF TONIGHT WITH CARL VINE. (CUE APPLAUSE) WE’VE GOT A GREAT NIGHT LINED UP FOR YOU ALL THIS EVENING! (CUE CHEERS) WE’VE GOT CHRISTIAN DANE HERE TO FINALLY TELL US THE TRUTH ABOUT THOSE ALLEGED REVELATIONS IN PEOPLE’S CHOICE MAGAZINE. (CUE CHEERS AND WHOOPING) ALSO JOINING US THIS EVENING IS COMEDIAN AND FUNNY GUY PETE PETERSON. (IMPROV ASIDE: I HATETHAT GUY. HE’S FUNNIERTHAN ME) AND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HOPETHATTWO VERY IMPORTANT LAST-MINUTE GUESTSWILL BE ABLETO JOIN USTONIGHT (IMPROV ASIDE: “IF I CAN EVER SHUT PETE UP, THAT IS) TOTALKTO US ABOUTTHEIR LATEST FILM ‘THE LOSTTREASURE OF KING ARTHUR’. GET READY TO DRINK SOME TEA WITH ME – IT’S LEGENDARY ENGLISH ACTOR JEREMY FORT AND BRITISH NEWCOMER MISS ROSIE PARKER! (CUE APPLAUSE) BUT ANYWAY, BEFORE OUR FIRST GUEST, I WANTTO TELL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY. (CUE COMIC EXPRESSION AND PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER) AND I PROMISE YOU THIS IS ABSOLUTELYTRUE…
We all waited in one dressing room as we watched the transmission on a TV attached to the wall. Me, Jeremy, Mum, Julian, Cary and Simone, Michael, not to mention David who had scrambled into the car with me, sat on my lap and threatened to bite the fingertips off anyone who tried to remove him. Every now and then Julian would redo my lip gloss and Simone would tweak my hair. And considering it was a fairly small room, there was a very big atmosphere inside it.
After I had apologised, Mum had changed
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