Read Online Hollywood is an All Volunteer Army by Steven Paul Leiva - Free Book Online Page A

times you picked your nose.”
    Jordan stood up, intending to leave, but Roee was right there to put a particularly strong pinch onto his right trapezius muscle, which has a tendency to make one want to sit again.
    â€œI’ll do that to your testicles next time you stand up without permission,” Roee said quietly to Jordan. He wasn’t fooling. Something Jordan—I could tell from the open mouth stare he gave Roee as Roee walked off—did not doubt.
    The tape ended just as Lapham came over. He sat and joined me in looking to Jordan for an explanation. Jordan wiped the flop sweat off his brow. Then took a deep breath and tried to remember, I’m sure, just who the hell he was.
    Jordan gave a little laugh, “As good a time as any to go to a commercial?”
    â€œDon’t need to,” I said, “this portion of our program is being brought to you as a public service by Mr. Larry Lapham, director of War of the Wimps , coming soon to a theater near you.”
    â€œWell, what can I say?” Jordan was trying his best not to look cornered. “Except this is the most outrageous behavior I have ever seen in fifteen years of broadcasting, and you will be hearing from my lawyer.” He was starting to give in to his anger. “That tape—that tape could well have been made when I was reviewing, uh, uh, I don’t know, uh, Mel Brooks’ last film.”
    â€œWell, that’s hardly likely,” I had Charlie Wise say with an uncommon bit of sarcasm. “Before we march off to court, why don’t we hear what the dean of broadcast journalism has to say, shall we?”
    The monitors came alive with the avuncular face of his gray eminence. “This is Walter Cronkite.”
    Everything opened wide on Robert Jordan: eyes; mouth; bowels, most likely.
    â€œUnbeknown to Robert Jordan, I was in attendance and observed the screening that you have just seen a video record of, and I can attest to, indeed could swear to in a court of law, that that video is a true and accurate record of Robert Jordan’s reaction to the film, War of the Wimps . Robert, no one has been more dismayed over the recent diminishing of standards in broadcast journalism as I have, but, my god man, when that lack of standards filters down to film criticism, you can only ask one question, Where goeth the world? And that’s the way it is.”
    â€œThank you Walter,” I said as the monitors went blank. “It’s always good to hear from the most trusted man in America.” I turned to Jordan. “Robert?” Jordan was in a state of shock. He seemed unable to talk. Lapham happily filled the vacuum.
    â€œHow many of my other films that you gave rotten reviews to did you really like, Bobby?”
    Jordan came back to us, realization having slapped him in the face.
    â€œYes,” Lapham said. “College. Same dorm. You wanted to be my best friend, and because I didn’t let you, you’ve been carrying this grudge ever since.”
    Live television pressed on Jordan from all sides, sapping one kind of strength; giving him another. “ Litigators .” Jordan finally said.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œYour film, Litigators , I really didn’t like that one.”
    â€œYes, well, I didn’t like it much either, to be honest with you,” Lapham admitted.
    â€œBut all the others—all the others I have adored. Each one fulfilled the promise I knew you had back then in college. Me. Not any of those others, whose friendship you desired so passionately.”
    â€œWell, then, for Christ’s sake—!” There was a little emotional stumble here by Lapham. You could see it in his eyes, in the false start of angry words, and the successful quiet stating of a pleading one, “Why?”
    â€œIt’s my right as a human being to hate. It’s my right to be petty. Sometimes it’s the only way to feel that we have control over some little