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Authors: Rachael Brownell
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mountains.”
“It sounds pretty. Maybe I could come out and visit you for spring break?” Brad replied. It was a statement, but the inflection at the end made it sound more like a question. He wanted to come and visit but wanted me to invite him. I wanted him to come and visit me, but I knew if that happened, then I would have to let him go again. I didn’t want to let him go last week, and I don’t want to let him go now. If he came to visit, I was going to keep ripping my heart in two.
“That would be fun. Do you think your parents would let you come visit? You know my mom won’t care. We have a spare bedroom so you wouldn’t even have to sleep on the couch.” I exclaimed excitedly. I wanted to tell him the truth that I was scared of him visiting, but I told him what I knew he would want to hear instead.
“I’ll ask them this weekend and see how much tickets cost. I have some money saved, so maybe they will split the cost with me.” I could hear the excitement in his voice. I could see him smiling in my mind. I could see his eyes shimmering and the gold around his irises catching the light.
“Sounds like a good plan. Call me this weekend, and let me know what they say. I have to get started on my homework before I fall asleep standing up.” I needed to end this call and process all this information. I was tired, but it was more a sense of mental exhaustion. My brain was working overtime. It was almost like it was volleying my thoughts around in my head like they were a tennis ball.
“Okay, get some sleep, and I’ll give you a call this weekend.”
After we hung up, I started to process the situation. I would have to figure out some fun places for him to go. What would Mom actually say? She loved Brad, but him flying here for a week would scream that he wants to be more than friends. Would he read into it that I wanted us to be more than friends? I knew that I wanted to be with him, but I also knew that I couldn’t. I didn’t want to get his hopes up, knowing that my heart would break when he goes back home. It had only been a week, and I already missed him so much.
Then it hit me. Claire? What about her?
Chapter Five
The rest of my week went by in a blur. I would go to class, go home, and do my homework. I had been avoiding Ethan at every turn. I was not sure why, but it seemed like he had been avoiding me as well. I knew that our kiss was not planned and probably should not have happened, but it did. I couldn’t ignore the drop of my stomach every time he walks into the only class we shared together. I couldn’t ignore the fact that I always look forward to my very last class of the day, knowing that it was the only time I get to see him.
I tried to focus on other things to keep my mind occupied. I hadn’t talked to Brad yet about Claire, even though I have talked to him every night this week. I wondered what’s going on with them. I wondered if he took my advice and got back together with her. I wondered why I even cared if I want to see him so much. Can a relationship as strong as ours last if we were to try? Our friendship was going to last no matter how many miles we put between us, but a relationship is different. We never had the opportunity to discuss what we felt or what we wanted to do about our feelings. I never let that happen out of fear that things would become real. I was caught off guard for the first time in a long time, and instead of trying to figure things out, I tried to ignore the situation and pretended like it never happened. I was doing the same thing with Ethan.
I had to get someone else to weigh in on this. I needed an outsider’s opinion. Maybe Ella? Emma and Ella were probably two of the smartest, most opinionated people I knew. Neither of them would hide their thoughts from you, but neither of them would share my secret either. They both knew how to keep a secret, even from each other, which I thought was amazing since I’ve heard that twins
“It sounds pretty. Maybe I could come out and visit you for spring break?” Brad replied. It was a statement, but the inflection at the end made it sound more like a question. He wanted to come and visit but wanted me to invite him. I wanted him to come and visit me, but I knew if that happened, then I would have to let him go again. I didn’t want to let him go last week, and I don’t want to let him go now. If he came to visit, I was going to keep ripping my heart in two.
“That would be fun. Do you think your parents would let you come visit? You know my mom won’t care. We have a spare bedroom so you wouldn’t even have to sleep on the couch.” I exclaimed excitedly. I wanted to tell him the truth that I was scared of him visiting, but I told him what I knew he would want to hear instead.
“I’ll ask them this weekend and see how much tickets cost. I have some money saved, so maybe they will split the cost with me.” I could hear the excitement in his voice. I could see him smiling in my mind. I could see his eyes shimmering and the gold around his irises catching the light.
“Sounds like a good plan. Call me this weekend, and let me know what they say. I have to get started on my homework before I fall asleep standing up.” I needed to end this call and process all this information. I was tired, but it was more a sense of mental exhaustion. My brain was working overtime. It was almost like it was volleying my thoughts around in my head like they were a tennis ball.
“Okay, get some sleep, and I’ll give you a call this weekend.”
After we hung up, I started to process the situation. I would have to figure out some fun places for him to go. What would Mom actually say? She loved Brad, but him flying here for a week would scream that he wants to be more than friends. Would he read into it that I wanted us to be more than friends? I knew that I wanted to be with him, but I also knew that I couldn’t. I didn’t want to get his hopes up, knowing that my heart would break when he goes back home. It had only been a week, and I already missed him so much.
Then it hit me. Claire? What about her?
Chapter Five
The rest of my week went by in a blur. I would go to class, go home, and do my homework. I had been avoiding Ethan at every turn. I was not sure why, but it seemed like he had been avoiding me as well. I knew that our kiss was not planned and probably should not have happened, but it did. I couldn’t ignore the drop of my stomach every time he walks into the only class we shared together. I couldn’t ignore the fact that I always look forward to my very last class of the day, knowing that it was the only time I get to see him.
I tried to focus on other things to keep my mind occupied. I hadn’t talked to Brad yet about Claire, even though I have talked to him every night this week. I wondered what’s going on with them. I wondered if he took my advice and got back together with her. I wondered why I even cared if I want to see him so much. Can a relationship as strong as ours last if we were to try? Our friendship was going to last no matter how many miles we put between us, but a relationship is different. We never had the opportunity to discuss what we felt or what we wanted to do about our feelings. I never let that happen out of fear that things would become real. I was caught off guard for the first time in a long time, and instead of trying to figure things out, I tried to ignore the situation and pretended like it never happened. I was doing the same thing with Ethan.
I had to get someone else to weigh in on this. I needed an outsider’s opinion. Maybe Ella? Emma and Ella were probably two of the smartest, most opinionated people I knew. Neither of them would hide their thoughts from you, but neither of them would share my secret either. They both knew how to keep a secret, even from each other, which I thought was amazing since I’ve heard that twins
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