Read Online Holding On by Rachael Brownell - Free Book Online Page A

was on my way home, and then I typed out a quick text to Brad saying I would call him later tonight. I had no sooner put my phone away, and it was ringing.
    “Hey there,” I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. I was dreading this call more than anything. We hadn’t talked since Friday night, and I knew that things still felt unresolved for me. I knew what I wanted, what he wanted, but I was also aware that we couldn’t have it.
    “Hey, did you get my texts?”
    “Yeah, but I didn’t want to get caught on my cell the first day of school. I’m still in the parking lot, so I was going to call you when I got home.” That was the truth, mostly. I really wasn’t avoiding him, was I? I was trying to avoid the thoughts I was having of him more than anything.
    “Why are you still at school? Isn’t it after four?” he asked, sounding somewhat concerned. I looked at my dash to see that he was right. Crap! “What are you doing there so late for?”
    “I went to the courts after school. I didn’t realize it was so late. I should probably let you go and head home. I just told my mom I was on my way.” I tried to keep my voice flat, like being at school almost two extras hours was no big deal. “Can I call you when I get home?”
    “Yeah, that’s fine. Are you okay? You sound kind of different.”     
    Really? I wanted to ask what he meant, but that was going to turn into a whole conversation that I was sure I was not ready to have yet. I took a few deep breaths before replying, trying to calm myself. “Just tired is all. I’ll call you in about a half hour okay?”
    I heard him mumble something, but I was already hitting End Call. I put my car in Drive and pulled out of the parking lot. Once I got home, I made my way to my bedroom to drop off my stuff and then immediately went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. My skin was still on fire, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Ethan or Brad. This was not normal behavior for me. I was the responsible one. I put my other priorities before relationships; that’s probably why I didn’t really have any.
    I stepped under the spray and tried to rid myself of the random thoughts that I was having. Will he kiss me again? Do I want him to kiss me again? What will I say to him in class tomorrow? Am I trying to replace Brad? Crap! I have to get this guy out of my head.
    After I got dressed, I settled at my desk to call Brad. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to him, but I knew that I needed to be honest with him. He didn’t have a reason to ask about anything specifically involving Ethan, but he knew me well enough to know if I was hiding something. He always knew.
    “Hey, so how was your first day?” he asked. It should have been an easy question to answer, but somehow it wasn’t.
    “It went fine, I guess,” I replied trying to sound unaffected by my day. “How was your first day back? Did you find someone new to walk with to class yet?” I tried my best to tease him, and I hoped it came across the way I wanted it to.
    “Nope, I still have that spot reserved for you if your skinny butt ever returns.” He was teasing. Good. “So did you make any friends today?”
    “Not really.” That wasn’t a complete lie.
    “That does not sound like the Becca I know. You are the easiest person to get along with. Did you even try to make any friends today?” Busted! He really does know me too well.
    “I wanted to get a feel for the school today, ease myself into it. I’ll make friends, and you know it. I just want to be invisible for a while.” That was the complete truth. I want to be invisible now more than anything. I want to put myself in a bubble and make sure that no one pops it.
    “I get it, I guess.”
    What else could he say?
    “I wish you could see this place,” I said, trying to change the topic and lighten the mood. “The campus is beautiful—huge but beautiful. Everything is so open. It has a beautiful view of the