Time to stop worrying about what to wear. It was just casual.
***
She stood again in front of the mirror. Examining her outfit, she couldn’t help but notice the smile that teased at the corner of her lips. Was she actually feeling good about something? It was hard for her to imagine that she could smile. It hadn’t happened much since Dan had died.
Bethany was certain it’d been the hardest time of her life. She’d had to adjust to life without him coming home at night. Life without arguing over his gang and the fact she didn’t think it was safe. Life without picking up his laundry or putting down the toilet seat. Life without his smile or the way he’d laugh uncontrollably when she said something stupid.
“Blonde through and through” was his favorite line. She hated it. Now she missed it more than anything. She’d love to hear him taunt her and tease her for being blonde just one last time.
She knew that she’d only made it through all of this because of Johnny. She’d felt so dumb that first day. She’d told him how much she’d hated Dan being in the gang. They’d discussed the shooting. They’d discussed the fact that Johnny intended to hang around a bit and make sure she wasn’t in danger.
Mostly they’d just talked about Dan. His good qualities. His annoying ones. She learned things about him she’d never known, and so did Johnny.
That day had turned into that week and then months. She saw Johnny almost every day. He’d stop by to check in and they’d end up eating and watching television.
She’d been blowing off friends and events and she’d pretty much stayed secluded in her home. Their home. But she knew Johnny wouldn’t pity her. He wouldn’t struggle with what to say. He wouldn’t act weird around her. So she’d agreed to go out. And that’s how they ended up with a date.
“NOT a date!” She yelled into the mirror. It was most certainly not a date!
The hurt from the previous night reappeared. It was random. She remembered Liza. She remembered how he held her. She remembered how he'd said it wasn't a date. Then she remembered that he was gone when she showed up. She had finally gotten the courage, and he was gone.
***
Johnny tried to ignore the way he was feeling. The fact that he noticed the twinkle in her eyes. The fact that her skirt showed off long and tan legs. He pretended he didn’t see the cleavage visible in the dip of her blouse or the smile that showed on her face.
Mostly he pretended that he didn’t feel something when he did see all of that. That his insides weren’t slightly twisting at the sight of her. That his heart didn’t beat a little bit faster when she smiled at him. He attempted to ignore that when he saw her—when he saw Bethany and not Dan’s wife.
Johnny returned her smile and led her to his car. She stopped mid-sidewalk and stared at it inquisitively. “A car?” The surprise was evident.
He saw her crooked smile and he wanted to kiss her. As soon as he asked her who was kissing her last night. She'd been gone. Why? Who was she with?
He looked down at the sidewalk. “I didn’t think you’d want…” the remainder of the sentence hung in the air.
It was a not-so-silent reminder of the proverbial elephant in the room. The one that was there and yet wasn’t. Her husband. His best friend. The man whose death had brought them together.
He knew she'd wanted that fun and excitement on the way to the beach. But he didn't think she'd really want to cruise town on the bike. Not when this was already so awkward.
“Thanks,” she said to break the silence, and continued to the vehicle. He followed her and they headed off to enjoy their evening out. As friends. Innocent friends. At least that’s what he kept telling himself over the thunder of his heart.