Read Online Ho-Ho-NOOO! by Bill Myers - Free Book Online

obviously a new definition of love. But before TJ could say anything, Number One began screaming, “MWAUGH! MWAUGH! MWAUGH!”
    They spun around to see the girl staring in horror at a tiny ball of dust in the corner. The first butler dashed over to help. But he was too late. By the time he had snatched up the dust ball, Number One was sobbing and shaking like a leaf.
    Number Too snapped at the butlers. “Who’s responsible?”
    “The maid,” the first butler answered.
    “Tell her she’s fired.”
    The butler bowed his head.
    “And you are too,” Number Too continued.
    “But, sir, why?”
    “Because I’m in a bad mood.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “And you, too,” he yelled at the second butler. “And you.” He pointed at the third. “I’m in a real bad mood.”
    TJ shook her head in disbelief. And just when the weirdness couldn’t get any weirder . . .
    “Sweetie-kins!”
    All eyes turned to the door as a mountain of gift-wrapped packages staggered inside. Somewhere underneath the mountain, TJ guessed there was another butler. And directly behind him stood Lady Goo-Goo. She wore a dress made of toothbrushes held together by (what else?) dental floss.
    “MOMMA!” All three children ran to her.
    “My babies!” Lady Goo-Goo said as she dropped to her knees and gathered them into her arms. But before the children could even snuggle, she pulled away and rose to her feet. “It was so wonderful seeing you,” she said, “but Momma’s very tired.”
    “Oh, Momma,” they started to whine.
    “Tut-tut-tut.” She held out a finger. “You know the rules, my sweets.”
    TJ watched as the kids seemed to wilt before her eyes.
    “Yes, Momma,” they mumbled.
    “Momma’s got to get her beauty rest,” the woman said.
    “Yes, Momma.”
    “But see, I bought you all these marvelous presents.” She pointed to the moving mountain of gifts as it finally collapsed in the middle of the room.
    “Yes, Momma,” the kids said, barely bothering to look.
    Once again, TJ felt a growing sadness. It was so obvious the gifts meant nothing to them.
    “Well, good night, my babies,” the woman said as she turned from the room. “Momma loves you oodles and oodles.”
    “We love you, too, Momma,” they mumbled as she shut the door and disappeared from their sight.
    TJ felt terrible as she observed this. Finally, to break the mood, she walked over to the pile of gifts. “Well, it sure looks like you got a lot of stuff,” she said, trying to sound cheerful. She picked one and added, “I wonder what this could be.”
    But none of the children answered. Instead, Number Too slowly drifted toward the wall of televisions. Number One walked back to the corner to make sure the dust ball was completely gone. And Number Thuree? She just kept standing there, staring at the closed door where her mother had been.
    Feeling her own heart about to break, TJ cleared her throat and asked, “Well, what do you want to do now?”
    “I think you better go home,” Number Too muttered.
    “Are you sure?” TJ asked.
    “Yeah,” he sighed. “Momma’s here. Everything’s good.”
    TJ looked back at Number Thuree, who was still staring at the door. “Really?” she said. “You call this good?”
    “Yeah,” he mumbled, “it’s perfect.” Without a glance at her, Number Too clicked on the televisions. “The chauffeur will pay you and take you home.”

    TJ didn’t remember much of the limo ride home . . . just the part where she climbed in and laid her head back on the seat, and then the driver shaking her awake, saying, “Miss, you’re home.”
    But she did remember the part about being $500 richer. Who wouldn’t?
    She also remembered dragging herself to the front door. This time there were no chain saws to greet her, no bikers, and no snoring fathers—just two goofballs from the 23rd century. And they weren’t exactly waiting up for her. They were stretched out asleep, floating five feet above the top step on opposite sides of