I took precautions.’
I wanted to pound him, asked, ‘What do you suggest I do now?’
‘Run.’
‘This amuses you, doesn’t it. OK, gloat while you can but keep hoping I run far.’
‘When you dallied with Iris, you did me a grievous injury.’
I turned to leave, left him with, ‘Nice term that – grievous injury – has the proper note of righteous pain. What’s more, I’m going to run it by you when I feed you your balls at a date to be arranged. Might I add, you can
count
on it.’
First I went to the lock-up. It doubles as a bolt hole – got bunk, kettle, shower, phone. All the vitals. Phoned Jimmy, he’s a minor burglar I met in prison, he’d told me, ‘There are some things a man
won’t
do for money. Luckily, I’m not one of those men.’
He had the form to prove it.
‘Jimmy?’
‘Yeah.’
‘It’s Cooper.’
‘The Repo Man.’
‘Yeah, that too. Like to knock down a few hundred?’
‘You want me to nick somefin.’
‘Actually, I want you to add something. If I give you the guy’s name, could you find his gaff and hide an item there.’
‘Bit unusual, is this on the up an’ up?’
‘How does four hundred sound?’
‘What’s his name?’
I met Jimmy in the bar at Victoria Station. He arrived in a natty three-piece suit, hair spit-combed and I’d swear a regimental tie, said, ‘Looking good Jimbo.’
‘I’ve been taking lessons.’
‘Is that a regiment tie?’
‘Sure is – the Argylls – or is it the Enniskillens, one of those bods.’
‘Why?’
‘Opens a lot of doors.’
‘You’re the best judge of that.’
‘I have a Masonic one too but, I have to be careful, I’ve never quite mastered the handshake. Is it a Mason or a Jesse, you know, a fella who’s very friendly.’
Jimmy was smoking roll-ups, Old Holborn and, like a true con, he was a master. He offered, ‘Smoke?’
‘Naw. Here’s the papers I want you to conceal. Put them in an obvious place but not so’s the guy living there will find them – as if they’d been hidden.’
‘Putting someone in the frame or is it none of my business?’
‘It’s none of your business. Here’s the name and his work address. Any problems.’
‘Any cash.’
‘In the envelope. Do you know any hookers?’
‘C’mon Cooper, go into any phone kiosk. Those cards there – take yer pick.’
‘I need one who can keep her mouth shut.’
‘That’s a contradiction Cooper. The two don’t gell – know wot I mean?’
‘Cut the comedy eh – yes or no?’
‘There’s Sharon, she could do with a few quid. Here’s her address, tell her you’re my pal.’
‘Right. You won’t feel the urge to blab about our little transaction?’
‘Aw, for God’s sake, I’m a pro.’
‘And you’re healthy – best to remain so.’
‘I’m a bit offended Cooper.’
‘That’ll pass, two broken legs would take longer.’
And then, I’d swear I saw Cassie on the upper floor. Jimmy said, ‘You OK’
But then she was gone.
‘Yeah, thought I saw someone I knew.’
‘You know wot they say, sit here long enough, you’ll see everyone you ever knew.’
‘I’m afraid you might be right – take care.’
‘Or heavy weapons, am I correct.’
‘Keep it in mind … later.’
I went into Burger King, ordered a whopper and a giant coke. Get the killing junk full in my stomach. Asked the guy to leave out the sauce and, of course, the burger came shitpiled with it. I was about to go through the routine when I saw David Letterman watching me. You know, the talk show, I’d been getting it on the late-night cable. Course it wasn’t him but wow, a dead ringer. He smiled and I shrugged, wot else. Found a table where he wasn’t in my line of vision. Bit down on the whopper and, sure as Sundays, the sauce shot out the side. Looked up, there he was, smile in place, said, ‘I had you going, you did a double take.’
‘Yank accent – jeez, another one.’
He said, ‘The way I see it – he looks like me. Am I
I wanted to pound him, asked, ‘What do you suggest I do now?’
‘Run.’
‘This amuses you, doesn’t it. OK, gloat while you can but keep hoping I run far.’
‘When you dallied with Iris, you did me a grievous injury.’
I turned to leave, left him with, ‘Nice term that – grievous injury – has the proper note of righteous pain. What’s more, I’m going to run it by you when I feed you your balls at a date to be arranged. Might I add, you can
count
on it.’
First I went to the lock-up. It doubles as a bolt hole – got bunk, kettle, shower, phone. All the vitals. Phoned Jimmy, he’s a minor burglar I met in prison, he’d told me, ‘There are some things a man
won’t
do for money. Luckily, I’m not one of those men.’
He had the form to prove it.
‘Jimmy?’
‘Yeah.’
‘It’s Cooper.’
‘The Repo Man.’
‘Yeah, that too. Like to knock down a few hundred?’
‘You want me to nick somefin.’
‘Actually, I want you to add something. If I give you the guy’s name, could you find his gaff and hide an item there.’
‘Bit unusual, is this on the up an’ up?’
‘How does four hundred sound?’
‘What’s his name?’
I met Jimmy in the bar at Victoria Station. He arrived in a natty three-piece suit, hair spit-combed and I’d swear a regimental tie, said, ‘Looking good Jimbo.’
‘I’ve been taking lessons.’
‘Is that a regiment tie?’
‘Sure is – the Argylls – or is it the Enniskillens, one of those bods.’
‘Why?’
‘Opens a lot of doors.’
‘You’re the best judge of that.’
‘I have a Masonic one too but, I have to be careful, I’ve never quite mastered the handshake. Is it a Mason or a Jesse, you know, a fella who’s very friendly.’
Jimmy was smoking roll-ups, Old Holborn and, like a true con, he was a master. He offered, ‘Smoke?’
‘Naw. Here’s the papers I want you to conceal. Put them in an obvious place but not so’s the guy living there will find them – as if they’d been hidden.’
‘Putting someone in the frame or is it none of my business?’
‘It’s none of your business. Here’s the name and his work address. Any problems.’
‘Any cash.’
‘In the envelope. Do you know any hookers?’
‘C’mon Cooper, go into any phone kiosk. Those cards there – take yer pick.’
‘I need one who can keep her mouth shut.’
‘That’s a contradiction Cooper. The two don’t gell – know wot I mean?’
‘Cut the comedy eh – yes or no?’
‘There’s Sharon, she could do with a few quid. Here’s her address, tell her you’re my pal.’
‘Right. You won’t feel the urge to blab about our little transaction?’
‘Aw, for God’s sake, I’m a pro.’
‘And you’re healthy – best to remain so.’
‘I’m a bit offended Cooper.’
‘That’ll pass, two broken legs would take longer.’
And then, I’d swear I saw Cassie on the upper floor. Jimmy said, ‘You OK’
But then she was gone.
‘Yeah, thought I saw someone I knew.’
‘You know wot they say, sit here long enough, you’ll see everyone you ever knew.’
‘I’m afraid you might be right – take care.’
‘Or heavy weapons, am I correct.’
‘Keep it in mind … later.’
I went into Burger King, ordered a whopper and a giant coke. Get the killing junk full in my stomach. Asked the guy to leave out the sauce and, of course, the burger came shitpiled with it. I was about to go through the routine when I saw David Letterman watching me. You know, the talk show, I’d been getting it on the late-night cable. Course it wasn’t him but wow, a dead ringer. He smiled and I shrugged, wot else. Found a table where he wasn’t in my line of vision. Bit down on the whopper and, sure as Sundays, the sauce shot out the side. Looked up, there he was, smile in place, said, ‘I had you going, you did a double take.’
‘Yank accent – jeez, another one.’
He said, ‘The way I see it – he looks like me. Am I
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