Read Online Helpless by Marianne Marsh - Free Book Online

freedom. ‘You’re in charge of your brother. You’re old enough.’
    When I told the man next door, he simply ruffled my hair and said we would take his two and my brother with us to the pond. ‘We’ll have a picnic. It will get the children out of my wife and your mother’s way.’
    A pushchair and his shoulders were enough to transport the three children, while I, bringing up the rear, would carry a bag filled with soft drinks, slices of cake and biscuits.
    There were days when we would sit and he would put his head lightly on my shoulder and tell me he was tired.
    ‘You must be all-in too, Marianne, having to help your mother like you do. Lie down and put your head in my lap.’ And happily I did. Those early days as I listened to the sound of the summer countryside, the hum of insects, the chirping of birds, the small splashes of water and the rustle of leaves and grass, I wriggled with pleasure at the soothing movements of his hands. They stroked my back, traced each vertebra of my spine, stroked my neck, ran lightly through my hair and gently caressed my cheeks.
    Nearby the three toddlers, with their faces crammed with sweets and their leading reins holding them securely and safe from the water, gurgled contentedly as I curled my body up even tighter against him, blissfully content to feel safe and cared for at last.
    It was on one of those warm sunny days, when for once the two women had taken the toddlers into town, that he kissed me for the first time. I was sitting with my arms wrapped round my knees, my head down, as I peered into the murky water of the pond hoping to see something moving.
    ‘Marianne, do you know how fairies kiss?’ he asked.
    I giggled, as little girls faced with an embarrassing question from an adult tend to do.
    ‘No,’ I replied.
    ‘Close your eyes and I’ll show you.’
    I felt the feathery strokes of eyelashes sweeping across my cheek and when I opened my eyes I saw a flash of white teeth as he smiled at me.
    He placed his arm around my shoulders and gently drew me to him as he lay back on the grass.
    ‘Do you know how grown-ups kiss?’
    I shook my head.
    ‘Shall I show you then?’ and his hand brushed my hair, then held my chin lightly.
    I felt my eyes blink: as his face loomed closer and closer towards mine it got bigger and bigger. For a few seconds, as it hovered above mine, it blocked out the light and I no longer saw the face I knew so well, but that of a stranger – a stranger who frightened me.
    His mouth, so much larger than mine, sucked at my lips, drawing them wetly in, while his hand tightened on my head and his fingers slid down my spine. They stroked my bottom, then rested heavily against it, holding me even firmer into place. He tipped me backwards, his weight pressing heavily against my small body. His tongue forced its way between my teeth and slid into my mouth and I felt salvia trickling down my chin. I was pinned under him, my breath left my body in small gasps and my legs tried to kick out as, panic-stricken, I struggled to be free.
    And he, recognizing maybe not just my fear but the seeds of repugnance, abruptly released me, sat upright and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
    Tears gathered in the corner of my eyes and threatened to spill over and, seeing them, he softly wiped my face.
    ‘Didn’t you like that, Marianne?’ he asked. ‘It means that you are very special to me. You want to be special, don’t you?’
    The gentleness of his hand stroking my head, his comforting warmth and the familiar tones of his voice all combined to calm me, and suddenly that was all that mattered.
    ‘Yes,’ I replied, but he and I both knew I had answered the second question not the first.
    That day another little milestone was passed and the first step taken; a step that started changing his friendship into something darker. Lulled by the warmth of his hands, the sound of his voice soothing me and my desire to be cared for, I did not realize then how