Carley.
Cisco watched her friend go with amazement. When she turned to face Carley, her eyes blazed with disgust. “I hate you,” she hissed. “You have no idea how much I hate you.”
“Cisco, calm d—”
“You have just ruined my life.”
“Oh, Cisco, I doubt that—”
“You know nothing about my life,
nothing
. You have no idea what you’ve just done. I hate you. I wish I didn’t have to live with you. I wish I never had to see you again.”
“Cisco, honey—”
“Don’t touch me!” Cisco ran from the room. She stomped up the stairs and slammed the door, but the noise of Cisco’s furious crying carried through.
Carley clasped her own hands together to try to stop them from shaking. If only Gus were here to help her make the rules. To help her take the force of Cisco’s fury when Carley enforced the rules. At times like this, she felt alone and
hopeless
. The loneliness of her adult life would, like a river finding a crack in a dam, break through, flooding her with misery. She went into the living room, intending to curl up on her side on the sofa, just for a moment, just to catch her breath.
The front door slammed and two little giggling girls skipped in, Margaret and her best friend Molly.
“We’re going to have tea with our babies,” Margaret informed her mother.
As fast as Superwoman in a phone booth, Carley transformed herself into a calm and smiling mommy. “Great, girls. Do you want to take some juice and cookies up to your room?”
“Yay!” Margaret jumped up and down, then caught herself and stood quite still. “We’ll be very careful not to spill,” she promised solemnly.
Carley put together a doll-size picnic basket of cookies and juice in a thermos. She followed the little girls to the bottom of the stairs and waved to them as they went up. Really, she was listening for sounds of Cisco. The wailing had stopped. There was silence. Perhaps Cisco had fallen asleep, exhausted by her emotions. Or perhaps she was talking to Polo on her cell phone. Fine. Carley would phone her own friend.
“Maud, can you talk?”
“For a while. I’ve got to get the monsters from The Boys and Girls Club. What’s up?”
Carley explained about the smoking, the insolence, Cisco’s tantrum.
“Oh, sweetie, and you have to do this by yourself.” Maud sighed. “My mother used to say to me, ‘Just wait until your father gets home.’ All I can say to my boys is, ‘Just wait till your father gets home—oh, never mind, your father is three thousand miles away and doesn’t give a shit.’ ”
Carley laughed, and relief flowed through her. “It’s easy for me to fool myself into thinking Cisco and I are friends, equals, and sometimes we really seem to be. Other times, and this is definitely one of them, I’ve got to stand up and be a parent, even if she does hate me.”
“Tough love is the best kind, especially with the smoking issue. Cisco’s peers are going to be sampling drugs and alcohol pretty soon.”
“Oh, Maud, don’t even say that. It’s terrifying.”
“Yeah, but settle down. Cisco’s got ballet. That will keep her steady, give her something to dream about, something to organize her life. I think I’ll register my guys in karate this winter. If anyone can break boards with their bare hands, it’s my two.”
Carley laughed again, then added more soberly, “Isn’t it hard, making and enforcing rules without another adult to help?”
“Actually, no. John was so hopeless. His head was always in a book, and when he wasn’t reading, he was reciting poems to himself in his head. Sometimes I was certain he was looking at us and wondering who we were. I do miss being able to go out of the house at night, just to run down to the library or the convenience store. John at least would have protected the boys. I mean, doesn’t your house seem awfully big to you sometimes, in the middle of the night?”
“Yes,” Carley agreed solemnly. “Yes, it does.”
“Back to the
Cisco watched her friend go with amazement. When she turned to face Carley, her eyes blazed with disgust. “I hate you,” she hissed. “You have no idea how much I hate you.”
“Cisco, calm d—”
“You have just ruined my life.”
“Oh, Cisco, I doubt that—”
“You know nothing about my life,
nothing
. You have no idea what you’ve just done. I hate you. I wish I didn’t have to live with you. I wish I never had to see you again.”
“Cisco, honey—”
“Don’t touch me!” Cisco ran from the room. She stomped up the stairs and slammed the door, but the noise of Cisco’s furious crying carried through.
Carley clasped her own hands together to try to stop them from shaking. If only Gus were here to help her make the rules. To help her take the force of Cisco’s fury when Carley enforced the rules. At times like this, she felt alone and
hopeless
. The loneliness of her adult life would, like a river finding a crack in a dam, break through, flooding her with misery. She went into the living room, intending to curl up on her side on the sofa, just for a moment, just to catch her breath.
The front door slammed and two little giggling girls skipped in, Margaret and her best friend Molly.
“We’re going to have tea with our babies,” Margaret informed her mother.
As fast as Superwoman in a phone booth, Carley transformed herself into a calm and smiling mommy. “Great, girls. Do you want to take some juice and cookies up to your room?”
“Yay!” Margaret jumped up and down, then caught herself and stood quite still. “We’ll be very careful not to spill,” she promised solemnly.
Carley put together a doll-size picnic basket of cookies and juice in a thermos. She followed the little girls to the bottom of the stairs and waved to them as they went up. Really, she was listening for sounds of Cisco. The wailing had stopped. There was silence. Perhaps Cisco had fallen asleep, exhausted by her emotions. Or perhaps she was talking to Polo on her cell phone. Fine. Carley would phone her own friend.
“Maud, can you talk?”
“For a while. I’ve got to get the monsters from The Boys and Girls Club. What’s up?”
Carley explained about the smoking, the insolence, Cisco’s tantrum.
“Oh, sweetie, and you have to do this by yourself.” Maud sighed. “My mother used to say to me, ‘Just wait until your father gets home.’ All I can say to my boys is, ‘Just wait till your father gets home—oh, never mind, your father is three thousand miles away and doesn’t give a shit.’ ”
Carley laughed, and relief flowed through her. “It’s easy for me to fool myself into thinking Cisco and I are friends, equals, and sometimes we really seem to be. Other times, and this is definitely one of them, I’ve got to stand up and be a parent, even if she does hate me.”
“Tough love is the best kind, especially with the smoking issue. Cisco’s peers are going to be sampling drugs and alcohol pretty soon.”
“Oh, Maud, don’t even say that. It’s terrifying.”
“Yeah, but settle down. Cisco’s got ballet. That will keep her steady, give her something to dream about, something to organize her life. I think I’ll register my guys in karate this winter. If anyone can break boards with their bare hands, it’s my two.”
Carley laughed again, then added more soberly, “Isn’t it hard, making and enforcing rules without another adult to help?”
“Actually, no. John was so hopeless. His head was always in a book, and when he wasn’t reading, he was reciting poems to himself in his head. Sometimes I was certain he was looking at us and wondering who we were. I do miss being able to go out of the house at night, just to run down to the library or the convenience store. John at least would have protected the boys. I mean, doesn’t your house seem awfully big to you sometimes, in the middle of the night?”
“Yes,” Carley agreed solemnly. “Yes, it does.”
“Back to the
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