Read Online Hearts Crossing (Woodland) by Marianne Evans - Free Book Online Page B

You wanted to help. That needs to count somewhere in your scale of justice.”
    “Not given the end result. Instead of good, I caused nothing but disaster. Why have faith after that? Why hope for goodness? Where was my faithful God? Why didn’t He intervene? Why didn’t He see fit to keep Lance alive? It’s left such a hole in our family, in…in…”
    “In your heart.”
    “Yes.” No way would Collin ever deny that fact. “And I want it to go away, Pastor Ken, but it never does.”
    Those last whispered words faded to silence and Collin rested his head in the open cup of his hands. He felt completely drained.
    “Has it occurred to you that perhaps Daveny has become the answer to that plea? That God sent her to you for just that purpose?”
    “But she’s…she’s like…like an ideal to me. She’s what I’d strive for, if only I didn’t, or hadn’t…”
    “Please stop. Right there.” Pastor Ken earned Collin's full gaze and attention. And he wasn’t doing the warm and fuzzy any longer. “Don’t put her into a category she can never live up to or you’ll both end up disappointed. Don’t make her more than she is. She’s a human being with the same hopes and fears and dreams and scars as everyone else. But at the same time, recognize her impact on your life. You need to let her in, and you need to let your family in or this will keep eating you alive.”
    Collin thought about that for a moment. “I know they'll change toward me. Once they know about my part in Lance’s death, things will change. I don't want that! As for Daveny, I’m not saying she’d back away, or not feel compassion. She’s too full of love and optimism and hope for such a thing. The same holds true for my whole family. In a way, I feel trapped. That night damaged me. My family would ultimately rally around me, I know that. But Daveny? She possesses too much brightness for someone like me to drag her down. I can't seem to reconcile myself.”
    “Then you grossly underestimate her, and your own goodness. That's a grave disservice to you both. Look what she’s done for you already. Do you honestly think that will end? Or change? I don’t, because I know Daveny well enough to realize she doesn’t give her heart away unless it’s completely and with one hundred percent conviction to go along with it. I see it in church nearly every week. And I’ll warn you again not to hold her up to idealism. She struggles, too, Collin.”
    A pause settled between them for a time. Collin absorbed that silence, letting it balm his jangled nerves. “I feel so much. I feel anger, bitterness, love, loss, guilt. Shame most of all…”
    “That’s a lot of negativity pushing at you. Let it go .”
    “I’ve done so well ’til now keeping it at bay.”
    “Do you think? I’m not so sure.”
    Collin speared Pastor Ken with a wry look. Pastor Ken just grinned.
    “She’s opening you up, Collin. She’s setting you free. That's God at work. Don't fight it. You can’t run or hide from Him, so stop trying. Instead, turn to the love you’ll find. God is, and always will be, right there waiting for you.”
    His definitive inflection won Collin's attention once more. The words of Daveny's presentation, of time and seasons and circumstances not being bullied, played through his mind.
    “Let your family help heal you, and let Daveny have your heart. You won't regret it.”
    That was a step forward Collin couldn’t quite make. Not yet. He couldn’t face the guilt he felt; the anger and bitterness still tasted powerful enough to cling to. After all, its pattern was familiar.
    Collin didn’t mean to be rude, but he needed to leave. Suddenly the church interior felt claustrophobic and overly warm. He stood somewhat abruptly and nodded at Pastor Ken, who watched him in a steady, unresisting manner.
    “Thanks, Pastor Ken. I…I should be going, but...thanks. I appreciate hearing what you have to say.”
    Without waiting for a reply Collin walked up the