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Authors: Marianne Evans
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through Collin, but Pastor Ken seemed content and at ease.
“I notice you’ve been pitching in over the past few weeks, Collin. We appreciate it. It’s been nice to see you around.”
Was there underlying sentiment to that comment? Collin looked briefly into the pastor’s eyes and found nothing but sincerity, no calculating judgments or pressure. “I’ve enjoyed it.”
“Daveny is a remarkable talent when it comes to stuff like this. Me? I don’t know potting soil from mulch.”
That left Collin laughing spontaneously since he could completely relate. “I'm the same way, but I had some muscle that could be put to good use. No big deal.”
“It is to her, and it is to us.” Pastor Ken started to stand, and the oddest compulsion took over Collin. A compulsion to confession.
“Sorry I haven't been around, it's...it's not about you or Woodland itself.”
Pastor Ken sat back down. “I realize that Collin. You need to make peace. In your own time and in your own way.”
“You're not...angry?”
“How could I be? What you feel, what you go through, is between you and God. I'd never force the issue. Though I will say I've put considerable prayer time into your name, my friend.”
Somehow, for some reason, that left Collin feeling good.
“If...if I told you...” Collin stopped right there. This wasn't a good time to approach Pastor Ken, to follow through on this sudden and startling need to come clean. Pastor Ken was busy; the church was bustling and Collin felt sure any number of people needed his counsel and assistance at the moment. “Never mind.” This time Collin stood to leave.
Pastor Ken stretched out his long, lean legs and settled an arm along the back of the pew. And he waited.
“I have all the time in the world, Collin. I hope...I really hope you can find the strength to finally stop running.”
His words packed enough power to sink Collin back to the seat.
“I need to know...if I say something...I mean, I know this isn't a confessional, but...”
“It's just as sacred. If you want assurances that I won't divulge anything you say to me in confidence, I can offer that to you without hesitation.” For emphasis, and most likely to offer Collin a bit of time to gather his thoughts, Pastor Ken went to the doors and pulled them quietly closed.
After that, Collin's words poured out freely into the Pastor’s safekeeping.
Collin told him everything—his responsibility with regard to Lance, the pain he felt over hiding the truth from his family and regret over hurting Sandy and leaving her to feel withdrawn in her own place of worship. Collin even talked about his burgeoning feelings for Daveny.
“You fear Daveny's disappointment?”
Pastor Ken sounded genuinely surprised, so Collin enlightened him. “I could never—ever—stand the idea of Daveny looking at me through different eyes—through eyes that see my scars and my worst possible elements. Same holds true with my family, to be honest.”
“You feel that strongly about her.”
It wasn’t a question. It didn’t need to be framed as such.
So Collin nodded, but he felt lost within that admission.
“Collin, do you see that perhaps that degree of feeling is also part of the reason why you turned away from God? You were scared of the scars?”
No censure or reprimand could be detected in that statement—try, though Collin might. Then it would be easy to retreat and refocus himself on bitterness and regret and that soul-tying shame. But, he did find enough ire to say, “I turned away from God because He turned away from me first. He's shown me clearly that He doesn’t need Collin Edwards. I’m insignificant. God ignored me. God allowed that horrible wrong, that waste! Furthermore, the reasons for it fall squarely on my stupidity, my lack of…of…”
“Collin, stand back far enough, with enough clarity of mind to grant another truth—the truth that your heart was in the right place. You meant no harm! You wanted good.
“I notice you’ve been pitching in over the past few weeks, Collin. We appreciate it. It’s been nice to see you around.”
Was there underlying sentiment to that comment? Collin looked briefly into the pastor’s eyes and found nothing but sincerity, no calculating judgments or pressure. “I’ve enjoyed it.”
“Daveny is a remarkable talent when it comes to stuff like this. Me? I don’t know potting soil from mulch.”
That left Collin laughing spontaneously since he could completely relate. “I'm the same way, but I had some muscle that could be put to good use. No big deal.”
“It is to her, and it is to us.” Pastor Ken started to stand, and the oddest compulsion took over Collin. A compulsion to confession.
“Sorry I haven't been around, it's...it's not about you or Woodland itself.”
Pastor Ken sat back down. “I realize that Collin. You need to make peace. In your own time and in your own way.”
“You're not...angry?”
“How could I be? What you feel, what you go through, is between you and God. I'd never force the issue. Though I will say I've put considerable prayer time into your name, my friend.”
Somehow, for some reason, that left Collin feeling good.
“If...if I told you...” Collin stopped right there. This wasn't a good time to approach Pastor Ken, to follow through on this sudden and startling need to come clean. Pastor Ken was busy; the church was bustling and Collin felt sure any number of people needed his counsel and assistance at the moment. “Never mind.” This time Collin stood to leave.
Pastor Ken stretched out his long, lean legs and settled an arm along the back of the pew. And he waited.
“I have all the time in the world, Collin. I hope...I really hope you can find the strength to finally stop running.”
His words packed enough power to sink Collin back to the seat.
“I need to know...if I say something...I mean, I know this isn't a confessional, but...”
“It's just as sacred. If you want assurances that I won't divulge anything you say to me in confidence, I can offer that to you without hesitation.” For emphasis, and most likely to offer Collin a bit of time to gather his thoughts, Pastor Ken went to the doors and pulled them quietly closed.
After that, Collin's words poured out freely into the Pastor’s safekeeping.
Collin told him everything—his responsibility with regard to Lance, the pain he felt over hiding the truth from his family and regret over hurting Sandy and leaving her to feel withdrawn in her own place of worship. Collin even talked about his burgeoning feelings for Daveny.
“You fear Daveny's disappointment?”
Pastor Ken sounded genuinely surprised, so Collin enlightened him. “I could never—ever—stand the idea of Daveny looking at me through different eyes—through eyes that see my scars and my worst possible elements. Same holds true with my family, to be honest.”
“You feel that strongly about her.”
It wasn’t a question. It didn’t need to be framed as such.
So Collin nodded, but he felt lost within that admission.
“Collin, do you see that perhaps that degree of feeling is also part of the reason why you turned away from God? You were scared of the scars?”
No censure or reprimand could be detected in that statement—try, though Collin might. Then it would be easy to retreat and refocus himself on bitterness and regret and that soul-tying shame. But, he did find enough ire to say, “I turned away from God because He turned away from me first. He's shown me clearly that He doesn’t need Collin Edwards. I’m insignificant. God ignored me. God allowed that horrible wrong, that waste! Furthermore, the reasons for it fall squarely on my stupidity, my lack of…of…”
“Collin, stand back far enough, with enough clarity of mind to grant another truth—the truth that your heart was in the right place. You meant no harm! You wanted good.
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