Read Online Heart of the Bear (Hells Canyon Shifters Book 5) by T. S. Joyce - Free Book Online
Authors: T. S. Joyce
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enough to have one, it’s almost instant. You knew immediately that she was it. On some level, you knew Rae was your mate. So you allowed the bond. It’s not a crime to give your animal a mate, Jesse. This isn’t some awful thing that happened to you. You’re lucky. Most bears go their whole lives without bonding. They just pick a mate and make it work. Your animal chose her. You chose her. Fix this.”
Jesse shook his head in ready denial. Jonathan’s smiling face flashed across his mind. Logan hadn’t been around when Miranda had been working him over. Jonathan almost never smiled when he was a baby, and that was on Jesse and the woman he chose to have a baby with. When they split, it wasn’t some mature, mutual decision for the betterment of their family unit. It was for the betterment of the whole damned clan. They’d been like two titans fighting for territory, and Jonathan had been there to see it all.
Jesse had fought to make it work while Miranda had fought because she hated him. Hated him for getting her pregnant with a child she didn’t feel a bond with and hated him for tethering her to Hells Canyon. She’d shredded everything decent about him on her way out of this place, and now he was finally feeling like he could breathe again.
Now, Rae had came barreling into his life, and she had the power to destroy him all over again. He didn’t want to go back to the shell of a man he’d been after Miranda left. He just couldn’t go through that again.
Thank God, Jonathan was with his mother right now because he sure as hell didn’t need to see his father brought to his knees when Rae left. It was already going to hurt badly. Every second he spent with the woman, he liked her more—wanted her more. He imagined his life with her—sharing his home, introducing her to his son, bearing his soul to someone late at night when his inner demons reared their ugly heads.
Pain ripped through him, and he crouched and ran his hands through his hair. Linking his fingers behind his head, he admitted, “I don’t know what to do here. I feel lost.”
“No, Jesse. You feel scared. There’s a difference.”
Jesse’s vision blurred as he thought about Jonathan. About how much it would hurt his son if Rae decided to stay, then left someday because Jesse couldn’t cut it as a mate. That failure echoed through his bones. He’d messed up before, and Jonathan had paid. Now, he was seven and old enough to understand if his father couldn’t keep a mate. He’d grow up wondering if he was the same—unable to keep a woman happy. Did he want to storm that house and tell Rae everything and beg her to try with him? Hell, yeah. But it wasn’t just him affected by this decision. He had Jonathan, too.
“I need time to think,” he said, voice hoarse like he hadn’t used it in a long time.
“We’ll take care of Rae tonight.” Logan sounded disappointed in him.
Swallowing a lump in his throat, Jesse stood and strode into the woods. He could feel Logan watching him leave, but he didn’t turn around. There was only so much disappointment he could shoulder at once. He had things to think about. It was his way. He’d always been a careful decision maker, and when he’d become a father, that had amplified. If he was going to claim Rae, he was going to do it with no question in his mind that he could protect her heart. If he was going to let her go, he had to figure out a way to rip his heart away from hers. Either way, this decision was too painful to make human.
A snarl exploded from his chest as pain blasted through him. Long claws shredded his fingers, and fur as black as pitch felt like a million needles piercing his skin. He deserved the pain of the change. Tonight, he’d been too reckless.
Lowering to all fours, he looked back toward the house through the trees one last time. She was in there. His shot at happiness was in that cabin, watching him out the front window with a hurt heart that he’d caused. She was
Jesse shook his head in ready denial. Jonathan’s smiling face flashed across his mind. Logan hadn’t been around when Miranda had been working him over. Jonathan almost never smiled when he was a baby, and that was on Jesse and the woman he chose to have a baby with. When they split, it wasn’t some mature, mutual decision for the betterment of their family unit. It was for the betterment of the whole damned clan. They’d been like two titans fighting for territory, and Jonathan had been there to see it all.
Jesse had fought to make it work while Miranda had fought because she hated him. Hated him for getting her pregnant with a child she didn’t feel a bond with and hated him for tethering her to Hells Canyon. She’d shredded everything decent about him on her way out of this place, and now he was finally feeling like he could breathe again.
Now, Rae had came barreling into his life, and she had the power to destroy him all over again. He didn’t want to go back to the shell of a man he’d been after Miranda left. He just couldn’t go through that again.
Thank God, Jonathan was with his mother right now because he sure as hell didn’t need to see his father brought to his knees when Rae left. It was already going to hurt badly. Every second he spent with the woman, he liked her more—wanted her more. He imagined his life with her—sharing his home, introducing her to his son, bearing his soul to someone late at night when his inner demons reared their ugly heads.
Pain ripped through him, and he crouched and ran his hands through his hair. Linking his fingers behind his head, he admitted, “I don’t know what to do here. I feel lost.”
“No, Jesse. You feel scared. There’s a difference.”
Jesse’s vision blurred as he thought about Jonathan. About how much it would hurt his son if Rae decided to stay, then left someday because Jesse couldn’t cut it as a mate. That failure echoed through his bones. He’d messed up before, and Jonathan had paid. Now, he was seven and old enough to understand if his father couldn’t keep a mate. He’d grow up wondering if he was the same—unable to keep a woman happy. Did he want to storm that house and tell Rae everything and beg her to try with him? Hell, yeah. But it wasn’t just him affected by this decision. He had Jonathan, too.
“I need time to think,” he said, voice hoarse like he hadn’t used it in a long time.
“We’ll take care of Rae tonight.” Logan sounded disappointed in him.
Swallowing a lump in his throat, Jesse stood and strode into the woods. He could feel Logan watching him leave, but he didn’t turn around. There was only so much disappointment he could shoulder at once. He had things to think about. It was his way. He’d always been a careful decision maker, and when he’d become a father, that had amplified. If he was going to claim Rae, he was going to do it with no question in his mind that he could protect her heart. If he was going to let her go, he had to figure out a way to rip his heart away from hers. Either way, this decision was too painful to make human.
A snarl exploded from his chest as pain blasted through him. Long claws shredded his fingers, and fur as black as pitch felt like a million needles piercing his skin. He deserved the pain of the change. Tonight, he’d been too reckless.
Lowering to all fours, he looked back toward the house through the trees one last time. She was in there. His shot at happiness was in that cabin, watching him out the front window with a hurt heart that he’d caused. She was
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