Read Online Heart and Home by Jennifer Melzer - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Jennifer Melzer
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until the waitress reappeared with a steaming pot of coffee to pour
into our upturned mugs. I immediately began shaking out sugar packets to pour
into my mug, but Dad sipped at his black. As he replaced it to the saucer, he
looked at me and then looked away again.
“When do you plan on heading
back to the city?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“I should probably start back tonight, tomorrow morning at the latest. I can’t
really put off work much longer, even under the circumstances.”
“Well,” his voice was quiet
as he stared down into his coffee like he was searching for answers in the
surface. “It may not feel quite like it should, but I suppose life goes on.”
I wanted to believe that,
but the pain and shock still throbbed inside of me like a raw nerve, and I
imagined it was the same for him too. He’d have to get up and go back to work
tomorrow morning himself, follow a broken routine in hopes the pain he was
feeling would heal itself in time.
“If you want me to stay for
a couple of weeks, just until—I don’t know whatever, just say the word. I
can use my vacation time.”
“No,” he shook his head.
“No, you’ve got to go back to your life and live it, Jannie, and so do I.
That’s what your mom would want us to do.”
There was a momentary
flashback to the night before when I’d been in the bath and the steam revealed
those letters on the mirror. YATS... what if getting back to my life wasn’t
really what my mother wanted for me at all?
He started talking again, a
short lecture on how doing her proud the way I’d always done would be what
she’d want, and then he reached across the table and took my hand. “She was so
very proud of you, Janice. Her daughter, the big shot journalist. Not a day
went by that she didn’t brag about you to someone.”
My eyes stung and I blinked
rapidly to keep tears from falling. I’d managed to go the entire morning and
all through the church service without crying, but the record shattered as a
tear managed to escape down my cheek.
“But who’s going to take
care of everything now, Dad? Who’ll make you dinner and wash all your clothes?”
An incredulous look spread
over his face. “Is that what you’re worried about?” He chuckled a little.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m a grown man more than capable of taking care of
myself.”
“So that’s it, is it? Now
you’re trying to get rid of me,” I wrapped my fingers around the warm ceramic
mug and brought the coffee to my lips.
“You can stay around as long
as you want,” he said. “In fact, if you decided tomorrow you wanted to move
back home you’d be more than welcome, but don’t you toss out your life plans on
my account. I’ll manage.”
“But you’ll be lonely,
Daddy.”
“I’m sure I will from time
to time,” he admitted. “Don’t you get lonely in that big city?”
I twitched my shoulders just
a little. “I don’t know. I keep busy, most of the time. I mean, if you wanted
to come and stay with me. . .”
“Now, that’s not even an
option,” he shook his head. “I have spent my whole life in that town, and the
better part of twenty-nine years living in that house with your mom. I belong
here.”
His certainty was
comforting, but it also disturbed me just a little because for the first time
since I’d left Sonesville I was starting question my own place in the world. I
thought Pittsburgh was right for so long, but one conversation with my dad and
I just wasn’t sure anymore. As I thought about my answer to his question,
didn’t I get lonely in that big city, the truth rumbled dangerously under the
surface of my reply.
I did keep busy, and from
time to time I went out with colleagues, but I hadn’t had a real friend since
I’d become super-journalist and Erika went all Indiana Jones. The last guy I
dated turned out to be incredibly hard to get close to, and it sometimes seemed
like escaping my mundane existence took away any chance for real
into our upturned mugs. I immediately began shaking out sugar packets to pour
into my mug, but Dad sipped at his black. As he replaced it to the saucer, he
looked at me and then looked away again.
“When do you plan on heading
back to the city?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“I should probably start back tonight, tomorrow morning at the latest. I can’t
really put off work much longer, even under the circumstances.”
“Well,” his voice was quiet
as he stared down into his coffee like he was searching for answers in the
surface. “It may not feel quite like it should, but I suppose life goes on.”
I wanted to believe that,
but the pain and shock still throbbed inside of me like a raw nerve, and I
imagined it was the same for him too. He’d have to get up and go back to work
tomorrow morning himself, follow a broken routine in hopes the pain he was
feeling would heal itself in time.
“If you want me to stay for
a couple of weeks, just until—I don’t know whatever, just say the word. I
can use my vacation time.”
“No,” he shook his head.
“No, you’ve got to go back to your life and live it, Jannie, and so do I.
That’s what your mom would want us to do.”
There was a momentary
flashback to the night before when I’d been in the bath and the steam revealed
those letters on the mirror. YATS... what if getting back to my life wasn’t
really what my mother wanted for me at all?
He started talking again, a
short lecture on how doing her proud the way I’d always done would be what
she’d want, and then he reached across the table and took my hand. “She was so
very proud of you, Janice. Her daughter, the big shot journalist. Not a day
went by that she didn’t brag about you to someone.”
My eyes stung and I blinked
rapidly to keep tears from falling. I’d managed to go the entire morning and
all through the church service without crying, but the record shattered as a
tear managed to escape down my cheek.
“But who’s going to take
care of everything now, Dad? Who’ll make you dinner and wash all your clothes?”
An incredulous look spread
over his face. “Is that what you’re worried about?” He chuckled a little.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m a grown man more than capable of taking care of
myself.”
“So that’s it, is it? Now
you’re trying to get rid of me,” I wrapped my fingers around the warm ceramic
mug and brought the coffee to my lips.
“You can stay around as long
as you want,” he said. “In fact, if you decided tomorrow you wanted to move
back home you’d be more than welcome, but don’t you toss out your life plans on
my account. I’ll manage.”
“But you’ll be lonely,
Daddy.”
“I’m sure I will from time
to time,” he admitted. “Don’t you get lonely in that big city?”
I twitched my shoulders just
a little. “I don’t know. I keep busy, most of the time. I mean, if you wanted
to come and stay with me. . .”
“Now, that’s not even an
option,” he shook his head. “I have spent my whole life in that town, and the
better part of twenty-nine years living in that house with your mom. I belong
here.”
His certainty was
comforting, but it also disturbed me just a little because for the first time
since I’d left Sonesville I was starting question my own place in the world. I
thought Pittsburgh was right for so long, but one conversation with my dad and
I just wasn’t sure anymore. As I thought about my answer to his question,
didn’t I get lonely in that big city, the truth rumbled dangerously under the
surface of my reply.
I did keep busy, and from
time to time I went out with colleagues, but I hadn’t had a real friend since
I’d become super-journalist and Erika went all Indiana Jones. The last guy I
dated turned out to be incredibly hard to get close to, and it sometimes seemed
like escaping my mundane existence took away any chance for real
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