all,’ I would say.
In extremis he made an immediate getaway. ‘Actually, I’ve just remembered … you must excuse me if I…’
And then he was gone.
* * *
Sheba and Mouse were loyal admirers. ‘You do like him, Catherine?’ they were eager to know.
‘Oh yes.’
‘Not as much as we do, of course!’
‘But almost,’ I said.
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘We’ve noticed, naturally. We’ve been watching.’
‘Oh.’
‘And he likes you .’
‘Yes?’
‘Very much. We’re both quite sure of that.’
* * *
I could tell my father was impressed by my progress. I had snatches of Italian and (less confidently) German to complement my French. I could quote lines from Horace and Sallust. Even when he couldn’t understand, he was very taken by the sounds, by the false conviction of my delivery. He could already put a value on returns from his investment.
‘Another six months and you’ll be up to the best hereabouts. The best, and no mistaking.’
Satis House smelt old and stale to me, as if history had been stacked up in the rooms behind the closed doors. At Durley Chase sunlight swilled about the rooms, and they sweetly smelt of beeswax polish and the scented bulbs and flowers distributed in bowls. My home oppressed me with its sombre fumed-oak panelling and the shadows of the glass-leading on the windows which barred and squared the dark uneven floors.
* * *
Arthur would brush against me, shoulder against shoulder, and push ahead of me leaving a room. It exasperated me.
‘What do they teach you at that school of yours?’
‘Not to go about with our noses stuck up in the air.’
‘Not good manners, anyhow.’
‘ You know all about those, do you? Living with that rout.’
‘Don’t call them that.’
‘I don’t know why you bother yourself with them.’
Because I have a brother like you. Because he says things like that. Because he’s not able to work it out for himself.
‘Well…?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It matters, or you wouldn’t go chasing after them like you do.’
‘It doesn’t matter, about having to explain anything to you .’
‘Because you can’t.’
‘Because I’m tired of listening to you.’
‘Can’t you move all your stuff there?’
‘And leave you with the run of this place? That’s what you want, of course.’
‘What do you know about what I want?’
‘Precious little. Or care to.’
* * *
I gave Sally some of the clothes I no longer wore. They had to be lengthened a little; but since she was thinner in proportion to her height than I was, they didn’t need taking out. The fashions had dated slightly, but Sally wore them with such panache that it didn’t matter.
‘They might have been made for you.’
‘I suppose they were. Now that I’m wearing them!’
She had a natural grace, which I envied, because I’d had to concentrate on choreographing my movements with the Chadwycks’; I worked hard to look so languorous. Sally was unaffected and simple, and never gauche. How was it done? I could have taken her into, say, an Assembly Room and passed her off as my cousin – my red-haired cousin – and no one would have suspected. I suggested it once or twice, but Sally declined, politely but quite firmly.
‘Then what use will the dresses be?’ I asked her.
‘I do wear them. I promise you.’
‘ When? Tell me.’
She didn’t say.
‘You don’t wear them,’ I teased her.
‘I do.’
‘Promise me.’
‘I promise.’
‘When, then?’
‘When I wish to do my passable imitation of Miss Catherine Havisham.’
‘I haven’t seen that.’
‘No, of course not. We never recognise ourselves.’
We ended up laughing.
‘This is silliness, Sally.’
‘ You started it.’
I reached out for her wrists. As I held them, her arms stiffened.
‘But you’ll take more dresses?’
‘Any dress you want to give me.’
‘Let me think.’
I continued to hold her wrists. She smiled
In extremis he made an immediate getaway. ‘Actually, I’ve just remembered … you must excuse me if I…’
And then he was gone.
* * *
Sheba and Mouse were loyal admirers. ‘You do like him, Catherine?’ they were eager to know.
‘Oh yes.’
‘Not as much as we do, of course!’
‘But almost,’ I said.
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘We’ve noticed, naturally. We’ve been watching.’
‘Oh.’
‘And he likes you .’
‘Yes?’
‘Very much. We’re both quite sure of that.’
* * *
I could tell my father was impressed by my progress. I had snatches of Italian and (less confidently) German to complement my French. I could quote lines from Horace and Sallust. Even when he couldn’t understand, he was very taken by the sounds, by the false conviction of my delivery. He could already put a value on returns from his investment.
‘Another six months and you’ll be up to the best hereabouts. The best, and no mistaking.’
Satis House smelt old and stale to me, as if history had been stacked up in the rooms behind the closed doors. At Durley Chase sunlight swilled about the rooms, and they sweetly smelt of beeswax polish and the scented bulbs and flowers distributed in bowls. My home oppressed me with its sombre fumed-oak panelling and the shadows of the glass-leading on the windows which barred and squared the dark uneven floors.
* * *
Arthur would brush against me, shoulder against shoulder, and push ahead of me leaving a room. It exasperated me.
‘What do they teach you at that school of yours?’
‘Not to go about with our noses stuck up in the air.’
‘Not good manners, anyhow.’
‘ You know all about those, do you? Living with that rout.’
‘Don’t call them that.’
‘I don’t know why you bother yourself with them.’
Because I have a brother like you. Because he says things like that. Because he’s not able to work it out for himself.
‘Well…?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It matters, or you wouldn’t go chasing after them like you do.’
‘It doesn’t matter, about having to explain anything to you .’
‘Because you can’t.’
‘Because I’m tired of listening to you.’
‘Can’t you move all your stuff there?’
‘And leave you with the run of this place? That’s what you want, of course.’
‘What do you know about what I want?’
‘Precious little. Or care to.’
* * *
I gave Sally some of the clothes I no longer wore. They had to be lengthened a little; but since she was thinner in proportion to her height than I was, they didn’t need taking out. The fashions had dated slightly, but Sally wore them with such panache that it didn’t matter.
‘They might have been made for you.’
‘I suppose they were. Now that I’m wearing them!’
She had a natural grace, which I envied, because I’d had to concentrate on choreographing my movements with the Chadwycks’; I worked hard to look so languorous. Sally was unaffected and simple, and never gauche. How was it done? I could have taken her into, say, an Assembly Room and passed her off as my cousin – my red-haired cousin – and no one would have suspected. I suggested it once or twice, but Sally declined, politely but quite firmly.
‘Then what use will the dresses be?’ I asked her.
‘I do wear them. I promise you.’
‘ When? Tell me.’
She didn’t say.
‘You don’t wear them,’ I teased her.
‘I do.’
‘Promise me.’
‘I promise.’
‘When, then?’
‘When I wish to do my passable imitation of Miss Catherine Havisham.’
‘I haven’t seen that.’
‘No, of course not. We never recognise ourselves.’
We ended up laughing.
‘This is silliness, Sally.’
‘ You started it.’
I reached out for her wrists. As I held them, her arms stiffened.
‘But you’ll take more dresses?’
‘Any dress you want to give me.’
‘Let me think.’
I continued to hold her wrists. She smiled
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