Read Online Happy Baby by Stephen Elliott - Free Book Online Page A

only wearing a long cotton shirt again, like when I first saw her; it goes halfway to her knees.
    There’s a goblet full of red wine in the sink and she lifts it to her lips. Toine is not home. I take a sip from my beer. “Thank you.”
    “I’m going to leave,” she says. “Because, you know what, some people can’t be saved.”
    “I’m glad you’re leaving.” I turn on the light switch so we can see each other better. “It’s the right thing to do. You’re just hurting yourself.”
    She places her hand on the stove burner. “Just like you.”
    “I was married,” I tell her.
    “What did Toine do to you?” With a small movement she is only inches from me.
    I hold my beer in both hands, practically between her breasts. “Nothing,” I say. “And he probably won’t as long as you’re here.”
    “Really? I think he did. I think you get him off. Hey,” she says. I don’t answer her. “Look at me.”
    I take a long sip on my beer. She pushes closer so when I lower my hand I brush her nipple with my knuckles.
    “Leave me alone,” I say.
    “Why are you so scared?” I can hear the light bulb over us. “You want to be Toine’s girl? You can’t be, you know. You can’t be someone’s girl.” I take a step back from her and bump against the cabinet.
    “I was born here in Amsterdam,” she says. “Two weeks ago, I was barricaded inside of a house and there were men on the other side of the door with torches and guns. Maybe you read about what happened. It turned out they were sponsored by the government. I was sure I was going to die and all I thought about was what I had done to Toine. Have you ever cared about someone that much?”
    “No. Not really.” I wonder if it’s true.
    “Look at me, Theo.”
    “What about what he did to you?” A cockroach scurries behind the fridge. Maybe Toine isn’t coming back here at all. Maybe it’s time I go back to America.
    “Look what he’s become. There’s nothing left of him. I don’t know what else I can do. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life trying to fix him.” She dumps the rest of the wine into the sink and it splashes over the sides and across the faucet. She drops the glass into the garbage. “Stop looking like that. You’re like a scared child. I’m not going to try to do anything about it.” I’m wondering what she’s referring to, what it is she had planned that she’s no longer going to do.
    It’s almost morning. I feel her weight pressing over the blanket. I wake, then I startle.
    “What are you doing?” Jessie is lying next to me, naked, on top of the blanket. I scroll over her body with my eyes as I adjust to the dark. I stare from her ribs to her belly button, over her stomach to the mound of black pubic hair between her legs. Her pressure on the blanket forces the sheet across my shoulders. I’m also naked, but covered. I pull my arm out. The apartment is cold. The windows must be open. She smells unshowered and sweet. There’s a key turning in the lock. The moment quickly passes where I can push her away.
    “I want him to see me like this.” So calm, she stares into the ceiling.
    “Don’t use me that way. What about me?”
    “You’re not losing anything. I’m doing you a favor.”
    “I am losing something. No.”
    The door opens and then the kitchen light goes on. The yellow light twists its way around the corner and over us. The refrigerator opens then closes. I feel the outline of Jessie’s hips through the sheet with my fingertips. Toine’s dark silhouette crowds the doorframe. From the floor he seems eight feet tall. Jessie parts her legs just the slightest bit, bends her knees up, reaches forward for her ankles. The room has the dry smell of a hospital. In his shadow all I can make out is the smile spilling across Toine’s lips, before he retreats into the other room.
    ***
    The show is the same as always. We’re in the balcony. Down below, Lucy, with her legs scissored, cigar between them, blows