Read Online Happier Than She's Ever Been... by Menna van Praag - Free Book Online

always happy to help out a lovely young lady in distress.’
    May blushed a little in the darkness.
    â€˜First, we always told each other the truth, no matter how scary it seemed to be. And it was always our own truth, from our point of view. We took responsibility for the way we felt inside; we didn’t blame each other for it.’
    May squinted at him, trying to understand.
    â€˜That’s where most couples go wrong, you see. They blame their partners for the way they feel,’ Harry explained. ‘Of course it’s easy enough to do. Especially since our partners know exactly what to say to trigger our sadness, pain or anger. And when they do, and we react, we blame them. So they defend themselves, and then we’re fighting them.’
    â€˜But it sort of is their fault, isn’t it?’ May asked. ‘I mean, if they try to trigger our anger or pain on purpose…’
    â€˜Oh, but you see “fault” is already a fighting concept; it’s already putting you on opposing teams instead of the same one. I’m suggesting that if we take responsibility for the way we feel, then we won’t react to people in the same way; we’ll be able to see them without hate or blame and then we’ll be able to understand why they are trying to hurt us. Then we’ll be able to help heal them, us, the relationship, the whole kit-’n’-caboodle.’
    â€˜Well.’ May smiled. ‘I suppose that’s a nice way of looking at it. I –’
    â€˜It’s the only way of looking at it,’ Harry said, ‘if you want to actually live a life instead of fight a war. If you want to feel loved and blessed, then it’s the thing to do. Of course, not everyone does. Some people like the fight, but I just leave them to it.’
    â€˜I know I was wrong today,’ May admitted, ‘I think I’ve been wrong for a while. It’s just… I got a little lost in my own thing and forgot about him. And I wanted to be independent, not to lose myself in a relationship like I did before, but this time I guess I went too far the other way.’
    â€˜Well, that’s where forgiveness comes in,’ Harry said, ‘and empathy. And compassion. All essential ingredients in any marriage.’
    May nodded. ‘Yes, I suppose so. Not that we’re married though.’
    â€˜Oh, living in sin, eh?’ Harry raised an eyebrow in mock shock. ‘Well, the way Edith and I lived, we always gave each other the benefit of the doubt. We didn’t take the other person’s behaviour personally, and we let things go, almost even before they’d happened. So if I was in a bad mood about something, she’d simply wait until it passed. And if she was feeling bad, if she was rude to me, the first thing I always did was ask her what was wrong.’
    â€˜That’s amazing,’ May said. ‘No wonder you were so happy.’
    â€˜We just decided to put the relationship first,’ Harry explained, ‘which meant that we both won. But when you’re fighting one of you is going to lose. Which, of course, ultimately means you both lose.’
    May nodded again, thinking about how she’d left Ben at home, how she’d tried to hurt him simply because she was feeling hurt.
    â€˜When it comes to forgiveness, remember this,’ Harry said. ‘In a marriage, in any relationship, both partners have their point of view; both believe themselves to be right. Otherwise there would be no fight. So you can always use empathy and compassion to stop an argument before it begins. When your partner is behaving badly you can try to ask why, instead of immediately defending yourself. If a usually kind person is shouting, or being rude, it’s invariably because they’re in some sort of pain and they just don’t know how to express themselves in any other way.’
    May sighed. ‘I wish I’d done that tonight.’ She