rifling barrels.”
“They’re making guns ?” I asked, my voice as low as I could make it and still be heard.
Kelvin nodded.
Oliver and Tarsi walked up with two of the support people I recognized but didn’t know very well. My hand immediately covered the bullet. I slid it off the table and into my lap, reminding myself for the third or fourth time that day that I needed to sew a few pockets into my new garments.
“You boys look serious,” Tarsi said. She jerked her head my way. “If you’re thinking of changing your earlier diagnosis, I should warn you that he wasn’t too bright to begin with.”
She smiled at Kelvin, who smirked and scrunched up his face for effect. “Actually,” he said, “we were just arguing over who should have to sleep on the floor tonight.”
“It’s our night,” she said, scooping up some fresh fruitpaste with one of the bright yellow spoons.
“Yeah,” Oliver said. “My back can’t take two nights in a row on the floor.”
“No,” Kelvin said, his face still creased with sarcasm and false hurt. “I was just telling Porter that it’s no fair I’ve had to sleep with you every night, and that he should have to take a turn.”
Tarsi put down her spoon and turned to me.
“He’s just playing with you,” I told her. “I never said that.”
“I’ll take a turn,” Oliver said, digging into his paste and watching Tarsi out of the corner of his eye.
Tarsi glared at me, her eyes angry slits.
“What?” I asked. “I swear, he’s just getting you back for calling him dumb just now.”
“We’ll talk about this later,” she said, turning back to her bowl.
“Yeah.” I looked across at Kelvin and held up my closed fist, the cool cylinder of gold wrapped up inside it. “We’ll talk about this later,” I whispered.
••••
That night, the three of us lounged on the hood of our tractor, recuperating from another day of impossible deadlines. For the first time, the metal surface was as cool as the night, as nothing had been done on the farms all day. It was also our first night without Oliver.
His absence made it feel like a wheel had been removed from our home, our little family now unbalanced and incomplete. He had come by earlier to get a few of his things and to explain his desire to sleep closer to the command module. It had been an awkward moment, none of us knowing what to say. It almost felt as if we would never see each other again, even though the lone window of the command module could be seen from our hood and he had promised to join us at every meal.
So the three of us lay in an unusual, cool, silence. Kelvin and Tarsi continued pretending to be mad at each other; a series of jabs and jokes earlier in the day had somehow turned into a spat of sorts. It designated me the third wheel, even as Tarsi forced me to scoot over and lie in the middle. She snuggled up to me, but I couldn’t help but sense it was an assault on Kelvin more than a true gesture of affection.
For a brief moment, I imagined Kelvin sidling up against my other side to return the blow, and the visual imagery excited me. Sexually. Then it filled me with shame. I concentrated on my arousal going away, which just made it throb all the stronger. Looking down my body, I could see the swelling in my pants illuminated from the glow of the tractor’s cab. I felt like my two friends could see it as well but I worried that covering it would just draw more attention. The more I thought about it, the more my erection grew, until I felt like I was going to die from the humiliation.
“Is there something you want to talk about?” Kelvin asked me.
“What?” I felt my cheeks flush. “I—what would I want to talk about?”
“You know,” he said, elbowing me.
“No.” I could feel myself turning bright red, but at least the rush of blood put an end to the source of my embarrassment. “I have no idea what you’re referring to,” I said.
“The bullet,” he whispered.
Oh. I
“They’re making guns ?” I asked, my voice as low as I could make it and still be heard.
Kelvin nodded.
Oliver and Tarsi walked up with two of the support people I recognized but didn’t know very well. My hand immediately covered the bullet. I slid it off the table and into my lap, reminding myself for the third or fourth time that day that I needed to sew a few pockets into my new garments.
“You boys look serious,” Tarsi said. She jerked her head my way. “If you’re thinking of changing your earlier diagnosis, I should warn you that he wasn’t too bright to begin with.”
She smiled at Kelvin, who smirked and scrunched up his face for effect. “Actually,” he said, “we were just arguing over who should have to sleep on the floor tonight.”
“It’s our night,” she said, scooping up some fresh fruitpaste with one of the bright yellow spoons.
“Yeah,” Oliver said. “My back can’t take two nights in a row on the floor.”
“No,” Kelvin said, his face still creased with sarcasm and false hurt. “I was just telling Porter that it’s no fair I’ve had to sleep with you every night, and that he should have to take a turn.”
Tarsi put down her spoon and turned to me.
“He’s just playing with you,” I told her. “I never said that.”
“I’ll take a turn,” Oliver said, digging into his paste and watching Tarsi out of the corner of his eye.
Tarsi glared at me, her eyes angry slits.
“What?” I asked. “I swear, he’s just getting you back for calling him dumb just now.”
“We’ll talk about this later,” she said, turning back to her bowl.
“Yeah.” I looked across at Kelvin and held up my closed fist, the cool cylinder of gold wrapped up inside it. “We’ll talk about this later,” I whispered.
••••
That night, the three of us lounged on the hood of our tractor, recuperating from another day of impossible deadlines. For the first time, the metal surface was as cool as the night, as nothing had been done on the farms all day. It was also our first night without Oliver.
His absence made it feel like a wheel had been removed from our home, our little family now unbalanced and incomplete. He had come by earlier to get a few of his things and to explain his desire to sleep closer to the command module. It had been an awkward moment, none of us knowing what to say. It almost felt as if we would never see each other again, even though the lone window of the command module could be seen from our hood and he had promised to join us at every meal.
So the three of us lay in an unusual, cool, silence. Kelvin and Tarsi continued pretending to be mad at each other; a series of jabs and jokes earlier in the day had somehow turned into a spat of sorts. It designated me the third wheel, even as Tarsi forced me to scoot over and lie in the middle. She snuggled up to me, but I couldn’t help but sense it was an assault on Kelvin more than a true gesture of affection.
For a brief moment, I imagined Kelvin sidling up against my other side to return the blow, and the visual imagery excited me. Sexually. Then it filled me with shame. I concentrated on my arousal going away, which just made it throb all the stronger. Looking down my body, I could see the swelling in my pants illuminated from the glow of the tractor’s cab. I felt like my two friends could see it as well but I worried that covering it would just draw more attention. The more I thought about it, the more my erection grew, until I felt like I was going to die from the humiliation.
“Is there something you want to talk about?” Kelvin asked me.
“What?” I felt my cheeks flush. “I—what would I want to talk about?”
“You know,” he said, elbowing me.
“No.” I could feel myself turning bright red, but at least the rush of blood put an end to the source of my embarrassment. “I have no idea what you’re referring to,” I said.
“The bullet,” he whispered.
Oh. I
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