Read Online Half to Death by Robin Alexander - Free Book Online Page B

didn’t want to talk about. “What was it like?” she asked suddenly.
    “What?”
    She glanced my way, then looked out at the road. “Your experience…if you don’t mind me asking.”
    “I didn’t see anything if that’s what you want to know. If I did, I don’t remember it. Sort of like when you wake up after a deep sleep, you know you dreamed, but nothing comes to mind.” I tapped the wheel with my finger. “No one seems to believe me. They all think I won’t talk about it.”
    “You keep things to yourself a lot?”
    I shrugged and exhaled loudly. “I tell Miranda pretty much everything but not the rest of my friends. They all talk freely about things that concern them, but I keep my thoughts to myself. I suppose I’m sort of private in that regard.”
    “Makes sense.” Jade looked back out her window again. “Would I be invading your privacy if I asked you how the accident changed you? You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal, but ever since you told me, I’ve been curious.”
    I would’ve been curious, too. I had been about her. So much so that I touched her and invaded her privacy, but I couldn’t be totally honest. Maybe one day I would, but not until I had it all sorted out in my mind and under some semblance of control. “There are some parts I can’t discuss, parts that are still a bit raw and I need time to…cope with them before I can put them to words. The experience has made me look at life differently. I thought this was all there is, and even though I didn’t see a tunnel of light or stunning visions, I came back with a knowing that this isn’t our only existence.”
    I could see Jade looking at me out of the corner of my eye, her expression blank. She didn’t say a word. It made me nervous.
    I exhaled and continued. “I came back wanting…things.”
    “Like what?” she asked softly.
    I regretted my admission, but something inside me said if I wasn’t honest with her on this part, all would be lost. I wasn’t really sure what that meant. “I’ve never been an affectionate person, but now…I crave it. I occupied my time with lots of women, but I felt nothing for them. When it became apparent that they were getting attached, I dropped them and ran the other direction. I want to be connected, and I’m not talking about sex. I want interaction, a connection with people.”
    “So you were really a player.” Jade folded her arms. “Were you playing the field until you found someone who you wanted to settle with, or was it just the thrill of the hunt?”
    “No.” I bit my lip, wishing that we were already in the theater where conversation wasn’t necessary. “Fear of getting hurt. Fear of being happy and having it taken away.” I couldn’t believe I’d admitted that to her. There was only one person to whom I bared my soul because Miranda often knew me better than I knew myself. Maybe it was because I sensed Jade’s hurt and how it permeated her being. Maybe I knew she’d understand.
    “I see couples all the time, and I wonder how they make it work, especially the elderly ones that have been together forever. I wonder if it’s truly love or if they just need each other so much that they can’t make it on their own.”
    “Maybe a little of both. They love so intensely that they can’t be apart.”
    “Scary, isn’t it?” She said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.
    I pulled into the parking lot and killed the engine. “Yes, it is.”
    *******
    I’d heard Jade chuckle, but I’d never heard her release a full-blown laugh. She was slumped down in her seat, body-shaking, cackle laughing. I think I laughed at her more than I did the movie. As we sat there, I realized that maybe I was seeing something few others rarely or if ever did.
    She shifted in her seat a lot, even though she was sitting on the end of the row, trying to accommodate her legs. Shorter than her, I was wiggling, too, then her leg connected with mine. Images more vivid than the