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Authors: Heinrich Böll
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womanhood, a detailed explanation of the process of sexual intercourse, without the slightest necessity for Leni or her to blush: such explanations, of course, had to remain secret, for Rahel was clearly exceeding her authority. Perhaps this explains why Leni blushed so violently and angrily when a year and a half later during her official sex-education course she was fobbed off with “strawberries and whipped cream.” Nor did Rahel hesitate to apply the term “classical architecture” to the various shapes of bowel movements (B.H.T.).
It was also during her very first month at boarding school that Leni found another friend for life, that Margret Zeist whose reputation as a “hussy” had preceded her; the well-nigh unmanageable daughter of extremely pious parents who were no more able “to cope with her” than any of her former teachers had been. Margret was always cheerful, was considered “full of fun,” a dark-haired little person who, compared with Leni, seemed downright garrulous. It was Rahel who, while inspecting Margret’s skin (shoulders and upper arms), discovered after two weeks that the girl was carrying on with men. Since Margret is the sole witness to these events, a certain caution may be advisable here; personally, however, the Au. gained an impression of absolute credibility on Margret’s part.
In Margret’s opinion, Rahel found this out not only with her “almost infallible chemical instinct” but also by assessing the physical condition of her skin, of which Rahel later maintained, in a private conversation with Margret, that it “had radiated a tenderness both received and given,” whereupon—to Margret’s credit—Margret blushed, not for the first and far from the last time in her life. Moreover, she admitted that atnight she used to let herself out of the convent by a method she could not divulge and meet the village boys, not the men. Men turned her off, she said, because they stank, she knew this from her experience with a man, in fact with the very teacher who had claimed to be unable to cope with her. “Oh,” she added in her dry, Rhenish intonation, “he managed to cope with me all right.” Boys, she said, of her own age, that was what she liked, men stank—and—she candidly added—it was so wonderful the way the boys enjoyed themselves, some of them shouted for joy—so she would too, besides it wasn’t good for the boys to “do it alone”; the point was, it gave her, Margret, pleasure to give them pleasure—and it must be noted here that for the first time we see Rahel bursting into tears: “It was just terrible, the way she cried, and I got scared, and now, lying here, forty-eight years old and with syphilis and God knows what else, now at last I know why she cried so terribly” (Margret in the hospital). Rahel, after her tears had dried up—which, according to Margret, must have taken quite a while—looked at her thoughtfully, without any hostility, and said: “Yes, you’re a
fille de joie
all right.” “An allusion which at the time, of course, I didn’t understand” (Margret). She had to promise—and solemnly at that—not to lead Leni onto similar paths, nor to divulge to her how she let herself out of the school; although Leni was among those marked out for the bestowal of much joy, she was not a
fille de joie
. And Margret swore she would not, kept her word too, and “anyway Leni was never in any danger of that, she knew what she wanted.” And besides, Rahel was right, it was a skin that was loved with such tenderness and desired so intensely, especially the skin of her breast, and it had been quite incredible, all the things the boys had done with it. Asked by Rahel whether she had carried on with one or many, Margret blushed for the second time in twenty minutes and said—again in her flat, dry, Rhenish intonation: “Only with one at a time.” And once again Rahel hadwept, murmuring that it wasn’t good, what Margret was doing, not good at
It was also during her very first month at boarding school that Leni found another friend for life, that Margret Zeist whose reputation as a “hussy” had preceded her; the well-nigh unmanageable daughter of extremely pious parents who were no more able “to cope with her” than any of her former teachers had been. Margret was always cheerful, was considered “full of fun,” a dark-haired little person who, compared with Leni, seemed downright garrulous. It was Rahel who, while inspecting Margret’s skin (shoulders and upper arms), discovered after two weeks that the girl was carrying on with men. Since Margret is the sole witness to these events, a certain caution may be advisable here; personally, however, the Au. gained an impression of absolute credibility on Margret’s part.
In Margret’s opinion, Rahel found this out not only with her “almost infallible chemical instinct” but also by assessing the physical condition of her skin, of which Rahel later maintained, in a private conversation with Margret, that it “had radiated a tenderness both received and given,” whereupon—to Margret’s credit—Margret blushed, not for the first and far from the last time in her life. Moreover, she admitted that atnight she used to let herself out of the convent by a method she could not divulge and meet the village boys, not the men. Men turned her off, she said, because they stank, she knew this from her experience with a man, in fact with the very teacher who had claimed to be unable to cope with her. “Oh,” she added in her dry, Rhenish intonation, “he managed to cope with me all right.” Boys, she said, of her own age, that was what she liked, men stank—and—she candidly added—it was so wonderful the way the boys enjoyed themselves, some of them shouted for joy—so she would too, besides it wasn’t good for the boys to “do it alone”; the point was, it gave her, Margret, pleasure to give them pleasure—and it must be noted here that for the first time we see Rahel bursting into tears: “It was just terrible, the way she cried, and I got scared, and now, lying here, forty-eight years old and with syphilis and God knows what else, now at last I know why she cried so terribly” (Margret in the hospital). Rahel, after her tears had dried up—which, according to Margret, must have taken quite a while—looked at her thoughtfully, without any hostility, and said: “Yes, you’re a
fille de joie
all right.” “An allusion which at the time, of course, I didn’t understand” (Margret). She had to promise—and solemnly at that—not to lead Leni onto similar paths, nor to divulge to her how she let herself out of the school; although Leni was among those marked out for the bestowal of much joy, she was not a
fille de joie
. And Margret swore she would not, kept her word too, and “anyway Leni was never in any danger of that, she knew what she wanted.” And besides, Rahel was right, it was a skin that was loved with such tenderness and desired so intensely, especially the skin of her breast, and it had been quite incredible, all the things the boys had done with it. Asked by Rahel whether she had carried on with one or many, Margret blushed for the second time in twenty minutes and said—again in her flat, dry, Rhenish intonation: “Only with one at a time.” And once again Rahel hadwept, murmuring that it wasn’t good, what Margret was doing, not good at
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