gives us dyspepsia.”
“You made fun of me for saying ‘relations’ and here you’re talking about your dyspepsia.” Laney laughed and took a step closer, recovering the distance she’d lost.
“Listen,” Rip said with a slightly impatient sigh, “I’m not the person they say I am on talk shows. I’m not some kind of militant asshole who runs around trying to make my point by being a dick and saying ‘oh hey, that’s just how I felt, what’s wrong with that?’ That’s not who I am. I just think that if we let go of a few things that have taken us away from what we really are, we’d be better off. I’m not saying we need to revert to a time before the polio vaccine.”
Laney backed up again. Something wasn’t clicking right in her head. She couldn’t quite place it, but the warmth in her guts and the relaxed way he made her laugh just moments before had shriveled. “Are you trying to make some kind of point with me?” she asked. There it is , she though as soon as the words escaped her lips. My doubts were right there all along. He didn’t want me, he was trying to make some kind of statement. Go grab yourself a librarian who doesn’t have a clue in the world who you are, and make it into some kind of BE YOURSELF moment .
Aside from not understanding why she felt that way, and why it had come on so quickly, she also couldn’t quite figure out how or why she’d been taken in so damn quickly. “I have all the answers I need,” she whispered. Her smile faded, and she took another pair of steps back from where Rip lay in the grass. “You just told me everything I need to know. I just... I can’t believe I fell for it.”
“Fell for what?” he asked. “This isn’t some kind of ploy, this isn’t a game. I’m hiding out in town because I can’t take the heat anymore. I can’t take being trailed by paparazzi trying to catch me doing something creepy and turning it against me.” He stood up, and covered himself with a hand. It might’ve been out of some latent self-consciousness, or it might’ve been because suddenly he was less comfortable than he had been a few seconds before. “What did I say that made you think that? I don’t understand all this. Five minutes ago we were having a good time running around the woods and—”
Laney turned, cutting him off. She couldn’t bury her fear, and couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that this was anything but a play. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. In her voice was the tension of everything she’d been thinking for the past two days. In her voice was fear, anxiety, near panic, and utter confusion. “This,” she said with a sad note in her voice, “isn’t what I signed up for. I thought this was something it isn’t.”
As Laney turned and ran, back the way she came, back into the forest and back into the life she’d been leading for the last ten years, she heard him ask what she signed up for.
In that one moment of doubt and fear and pain, she couldn’t say.
She didn’t need to.
All she needed to do was run .
6
––––––––
L aney couldn’t think. If she tried, her brain just started to ache from the inside out. Something from deep inside the lizard part of her amygdala yanked and pulled at the rest of her gray matter, until whatever consciousness she possessed was little more than an irritant.
She wanted to sleep. She wanted to crawl into a bottle, she wanted to vent to Elaine, but... it was kiddie time.
Rolling over on her side and taking the pillow off her head, where she’d either been trying to block out the sunlight, or slowly smother herself, she wasn’t quite sure. Intellectually she knew that this was just a flash in the pan. This thing with Rip was just another in a long string of relationships that never got off to any start at all. If it had gotten going, nothing would have worked out anyway. She wasn’t the type to want a spotlight, or a paparazzi, or anything else following her. And
“You made fun of me for saying ‘relations’ and here you’re talking about your dyspepsia.” Laney laughed and took a step closer, recovering the distance she’d lost.
“Listen,” Rip said with a slightly impatient sigh, “I’m not the person they say I am on talk shows. I’m not some kind of militant asshole who runs around trying to make my point by being a dick and saying ‘oh hey, that’s just how I felt, what’s wrong with that?’ That’s not who I am. I just think that if we let go of a few things that have taken us away from what we really are, we’d be better off. I’m not saying we need to revert to a time before the polio vaccine.”
Laney backed up again. Something wasn’t clicking right in her head. She couldn’t quite place it, but the warmth in her guts and the relaxed way he made her laugh just moments before had shriveled. “Are you trying to make some kind of point with me?” she asked. There it is , she though as soon as the words escaped her lips. My doubts were right there all along. He didn’t want me, he was trying to make some kind of statement. Go grab yourself a librarian who doesn’t have a clue in the world who you are, and make it into some kind of BE YOURSELF moment .
Aside from not understanding why she felt that way, and why it had come on so quickly, she also couldn’t quite figure out how or why she’d been taken in so damn quickly. “I have all the answers I need,” she whispered. Her smile faded, and she took another pair of steps back from where Rip lay in the grass. “You just told me everything I need to know. I just... I can’t believe I fell for it.”
“Fell for what?” he asked. “This isn’t some kind of ploy, this isn’t a game. I’m hiding out in town because I can’t take the heat anymore. I can’t take being trailed by paparazzi trying to catch me doing something creepy and turning it against me.” He stood up, and covered himself with a hand. It might’ve been out of some latent self-consciousness, or it might’ve been because suddenly he was less comfortable than he had been a few seconds before. “What did I say that made you think that? I don’t understand all this. Five minutes ago we were having a good time running around the woods and—”
Laney turned, cutting him off. She couldn’t bury her fear, and couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that this was anything but a play. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. In her voice was the tension of everything she’d been thinking for the past two days. In her voice was fear, anxiety, near panic, and utter confusion. “This,” she said with a sad note in her voice, “isn’t what I signed up for. I thought this was something it isn’t.”
As Laney turned and ran, back the way she came, back into the forest and back into the life she’d been leading for the last ten years, she heard him ask what she signed up for.
In that one moment of doubt and fear and pain, she couldn’t say.
She didn’t need to.
All she needed to do was run .
6
––––––––
L aney couldn’t think. If she tried, her brain just started to ache from the inside out. Something from deep inside the lizard part of her amygdala yanked and pulled at the rest of her gray matter, until whatever consciousness she possessed was little more than an irritant.
She wanted to sleep. She wanted to crawl into a bottle, she wanted to vent to Elaine, but... it was kiddie time.
Rolling over on her side and taking the pillow off her head, where she’d either been trying to block out the sunlight, or slowly smother herself, she wasn’t quite sure. Intellectually she knew that this was just a flash in the pan. This thing with Rip was just another in a long string of relationships that never got off to any start at all. If it had gotten going, nothing would have worked out anyway. She wasn’t the type to want a spotlight, or a paparazzi, or anything else following her. And
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