Read Online Granny by Anthony Horowitz - Free Book Online Page B

swollen knees.”
    â€œHard of hearing!”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œAnd wrinkly.”
    â€œHorrid! Horrid! Horrid! Horrid! Horrid!” All five grannies were chorusing together now and pounding their fists on the table at the same time. Joe couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It seemed that the five old ladies had gone totally crazy.
    At last Granny stopped them.
    â€œBut we can at least get our revenge,” she said. “There are so many ways to upset a grandchild.”
    â€œOh yes!” Granny Adams giggled. Her glasses jumped up and down on her nose. “When I see my grandchildren, I always poke them a lot. I do find that children hate being poked.”
    â€œI don’t just poke them,” the little granny said. “I pat them on their heads and fiddle with their clothes. It does annoy them so, although of course they’re not allowed to complain.”
    â€œAnd don’t forget the kiss!” Granny Smith said. “The wet kiss on the cheek makes them squirm like frogs in a pond!”
    â€œWhat about presents?” Granny asked. “Presents are a marvelous way of spoiling any child’s day.”
    â€œOh yes! A boring book!”
    â€œTalcum powder!”
    â€œSomething you know they’ve already got!”
    â€œWhat I do,” Granny said, “is buy them something that’s too young for them. Something that will make them feel babyish. They feel so ashamed. It’s hilarious.”
    (At the door, Joe remembered the toy robot and found that his face was burning once again. But this time it wasn’t with embarrassment. It was anger.)
    â€œI have a much better idea,” Granny Lee said. “I buy my grandchildren hideously unsuitable clothes. I’ve managed to find some of the most ghastly sweaters in the world.”
    â€œI knit them myself,” Granny Anne muttered.
    â€œThe children have to wear them,” Granny Lee went on. “And you should see them! I always take them out to eat and watch their faces as they walk out in their horrible, huge, brightly colored sweaters…”
    â€œI’ve got a much better idea,” Granny Adams interjected. “My grandchildren are a little overweight. So guess what I buy them—chocolates! I get them a whole box and of course they eat them and that just makes them fatter, and when they go back to school, they’re terribly teased and all thanks to me. You should try the chocolate wheeze! The little brats can never resist a chocolate.”
    â€œIt seems to me that you should combine the two ideas,” Granny said. “Give them the chocolates. And give them a shirt that’s a little too small. Then, when their tummies are bulging, it will really show.”
    The other four grannies thought about this and then all shrieked with laughter. More glasses of whiskey were poured. More beer cans were popped open. The fat granny was laughing so much that her whole body was convulsing and her face had gone bright red.
    Joe couldn’t bear any more. He took three steps away from the door, shrinking into the shadows of the hall. But even as he went he heard his name once again being bounced around the card table.
    â€œSo you’re going to take the boy?”
    â€œOh yes. He’s coming. I’ve had my eye on him for a long time.”
    â€œWhich eye, dear? The real one or the glass one?”
    â€œHave you spoken to…Elsie Bucket?” This was Granny Lee’s voice. She had spoken the name with awe.
    â€œOh yes. I spoke to Elsie. She’s delighted.”
    â€œDelighted!”
    â€œExcited!”
    â€œEnzymes!”
    â€œHee-hee-hee…”
    The five of them were like witches. Add a cauldron and a few frogs and there would have been no difference. Joe turned and tiptoed back the way he had come. The voices followed him as he made his way back to bed.

7
    THE GOLDEN GRANNY AWARDS
    â€œ P ack your bags, Judas. We’re