Read Online Granny by Anthony Horowitz - Free Book Online Page A

replied. “We’ve all been cheating. But I’ve just been cheating better than you.”
    â€œWell, how much do I owe you?” Granny was sulking now, her lip jutting out and her shoulders slumped.
    â€œLet me see…” Granny Lee scribbled a few figures on a sheet of paper. “That’s two dollars and twenty cents.”
    â€œHow much is that in new money?” Granny Anne asked nervously.
    â€œWe don’t have nasty new money here, Anne,” Granny replied. She brought her elbow up sharply, catching the little granny in the eye. “Two dollars and twenty cents is just what it says it is.”
    â€œOh! Lovely old money!” Granny Smith sighed, her three chins rising and falling in perfect unison. “It used to be worth something once, money did. I could buy dinner for three people with two dollars and twenty cents.”
    â€œYes,” Granny Lee snapped. “But the trouble was, you’d eat it all yourself!” And her whole body shook as she laughed uncontrollably.
    Meanwhile, Granny had gathered up the torn and crumpled cards and was once again shuffling the pack.
    â€œSo tell me, Ivy,” Granny Anne asked. “What’s the news about that grandson of yours?”
    At the door, Joe froze.
    â€œYes!” Granny Adams rubbed her hands together. Her eyes rolled like two worms in walnut shells. “How are his enzymes?”
    â€œEnzymes! Enzymes!” Granny Lee and Granny Anne chorused.
    Granny held up a hand. “You’ll find out soon enough,” she rasped. “I’m taking him with me tomorrow.”
    â€œWhat?” The other grannies stared in amazement and delight.
    â€œCan you?” Granny Smith asked. “What about his parents?”
    â€œThey’re not here,” Granny replied. “Anyway, they don’t care a hoot about him. They won’t even notice.”
    â€œDo you mean…” Granny Lee twisted her neck until the bones clicked. “You’ve got him all to yourself?”
    Granny nodded. “Yes. I’ve had quite a bit of fun at his expense, I can tell you.” She licked her lips and began to deal. “But maybe I’m getting old. I feel I haven’t quite made him miserable enough!”
    Joe felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. If only he could have tape-recorded this conversation—his parents would have had to believe him. He’d guessed that Granny hated him. Now he had the proof of it. But all that talk of enzymes worried him. What were they planning? Where was he going to be taken?
    â€œHow I hate children!” the vulture granny moaned.
    â€œMe, too!”
    â€œI can’t stand them.”
    â€œI detest them!”
    All the grannies were nodding so vigorously that Joe wouldn’t have been surprised if their heads had come loose from their necks and rolled across the surface of the card table.
    â€œYou know what I hate about them?” Granny Smith said. “I hate their perfect skin. It’s all pink and shiny and smooth. I hate their hair, so thick and wavy. But most of all I hate their teeth.” She gazed at her own on the table in front of her. “Do you know where children keep their teeth? In their mouths! It isn’t fair.”
    â€œI hate children because they’re so healthy,” Granny Anne went on. “They’re always shouting and playing and having fun and running about. I haven’t run anywhere since 1958 and that was only for a bus.”
    â€œI hate them because of everything they’ve got,” Granny Adams muttered. “We never had computers and rock music and T-shirts and mountain bikes. But they have. I fought in two world wars but nobody ever gave me a skate-board. Oh no!”
    â€œChildren smell,” Granny Lee announced. “They’re too small and they make too much noise. Why can’t they be more like us?”
    â€œYes. With arthritis!”
    â€œAnd