Read Online Gooney Bird Is So Absurd by Lois Lowry - Free Book Online Page A

rhinestone earrings once, though she took them off when her earlobes began to ache. Hiking boots with an organdy pinafore. Sandals with unmatched knee socks.
    Today Gooney Bird was wearing an oversize tie-dyed sweatshirt. She had worn that particular shirt to school before, so it wasn't unusual. But today she had something on her head. A sort of a pale green helmet with ruffles and two holes through which her red ponytails poked out.
    Gooney Bird looked up when she heard the giggles. "What?" she said. "I'm trying to study for the spelling test. I can never remember whether it's an a or an e in separate. "
    "We were just noticing your, ah, your headpiece," Mrs. Pidgeon commented.
    "Yes. It's my two-ponytail hat. On days when I have just one ponytail, I wear a baseball cap with my one ponytail sticking through the hole in back. But this morning I was brushing my teeth when I looked in the bathroom mirror and I said to myself, 'Gooney Bird, I do believe today is a two-ponytail day!'"
    "I've seen you with your baseball cap on, Gooney Bird," Mrs. Pidgeon said, "but never with this, ah, two-ponytail hat before."
    "It's brand new." Gooney Bird turned her head to give the teacher a side view of the pale green ruffles and the ponytail holes. "Do you like it?"
    "Well, it's unusual," Mrs. Pidgeon replied. "I'll say that for it."
    "It's underpants! " Chelsea shrieked. The entire class roared with laughter.
    Gooney Bird sighed. She waited patiently until the class became quiet again. Then she said, "Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Whatever am I going to do with you? You know what that word does to the class! Remember when we were writing stories and I explained that you could always get a laugh with armpit or bellybutton or underpants ? But that's a cheap laugh."
    She looked back at her spelling book. "It's an a. I have to remember that. Desperate has an e but separate has an a. It's very confusing."
    "My mom and dad are separated," Tricia said with a sigh, "and it's very confusing because I live in two houses, and sometimes my crayons are in one house but my coloring book is in the other."
    "My mom and dad are desperate, " Malcolm said, "because they had triplets."
    The class laughed. They all knew about the commotion the triplet babies were causing in Malcolm's family.
    "I see London, I see France," Ben called in a singsong voice. "I see Gooney's—"
    "Enough," announced Mrs. Pidgeon. She glanced suddenly at Tyrone. "Tyrone, what do I see in your hand?"
    Tyrone put on his who-me-I'm-very-innocent face. Mrs. Pidgeon went to his desk and reached out her hand. "You know the rules, Tyrone," she said, and he handed her the small cell phone.
    "It's for emergencies," he said defensively.
    "And what sort of emergency do you anticipate?"
    "Ah, a bear may be comin' into the classroom."
    "A bear, " murmured all the other second-graders.
    " In come a bear, but Tyrone doan care, when the kids all yell he just dial his cell... "
    Mrs. Pidgeon, who usually enjoyed Tyrone's raps, glared at him and dropped the cell phone into the top drawer of her desk. "As I was about to say, I usually begin each morning reading a poem."
    "Oh, I love when you do that. I love po-emth," Felicia Ann said. Her top front teeth were slow in coming in and she had a gap there that made it hard for her to say an s.
    "That was a poem I was saying," Ben pointed out. " France rhymes with—"
    Mrs. Pidgeon strode to his desk and clamped a hand on his shoulder. "And this morning," she continued, still with her restraining hand on Ben but smiling at Felicia Ann, "I had chosen a winter poem to read, but then suddenly, when Mr. Leroy was talking over the intercom about a snowstorm on the way, Tyrone, you..." She looked over at Tyrone, who was busy folding a piece of paper into a cootie-catcher.
    He glanced up at the sound of his name. "Who, me? I didn't do nuthin!" Then he corrected himself. " Anything, I meant. I didn't do anything."
    Mrs. Pidgeon laughed. "It wasn't anything you did. It