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Authors: T. J. Loveless
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I had money on Aki. I'm sure I can count on you to spread the word.” My smile wasn't pleasant.
He growled and disappeared. I knew the look in his eyes. I jumped out of bed, grabbing clothes from the suitcase. A shower and then ... something. I needed to quit procrastinating, develop some sort of plan, figure out what part I played in this mess.
I missed Grandma and her advice.
The thought brought a memory. I was twelve, sitting on her front porch, staring at the snowcapped mountains crowding the horizon. Grandma spent the time showing me how to cook, bake, sew and crochet. Her seemingly unending energy contained within a bent body, once jet-black hair turned white and pulled back in a tight bun, her Inupiat features beautiful because of the shining intelligence and kindness. Telling me stories of ancestors, she brought out the old daguerreotype photos of family long dead. The connection to her and the land as strong within my breast as the heart pumping blood through my body. For the first time in my short life, I didn't feel like an outcast, misunderstood, or the target of puzzled glances.
“Grandma, why do I see the gods?” I asked, using my foot to gently push against the porch, relaxing in the motion of the pine rocking chair.
“Do they visit you, honey?” Her hands stopped the lightning fast movements of crocheting a new pair of mittens.
“Not lately. A lot when I was a baby. But why do I see them and nobody else?”
“My granddaddy used to say they lived on a plane outside of our own. We are special enough to see through the curtain and into their world.” Her hands started again.
“Can I get rid of them?” I twisted my hands, the real question begging to be asked.
“No, my heart. Now, tell me what has happened.”
“They scare me. I'm afraid of the things I see in my head when they are visible.” I stared at the mountains.
“What do you want to do when you see the strings?”
“I want to make them move, to create an ending I like and want. I'm bad. I wanted to get rid of Nancy after she called me names on the playground.”
Grandma stopped, reaching to grab my arm. “Oh, sweet baby. Such feelings are as natural as the air we breathe. That doesn't make you a bad person. You didn't act on them, did you? No. But you have power to change the world, in a very literal sense. It can destroy everything and everyone you love.”
“Why? Why me?”
“I don't know. But pay attention to your instincts and never use it on a whim. Always look at the ending logically, honey. The price requires it to be used only sparingly.”
I remember vividly her hand on my arm, the mottled brown, thin skin, long fingers slightly twisted with age, but warm and soothing to my pre-teen angst. Her advice to watch out for immortals and their ever-reaching need to submit all others. Her words to listen to my instincts. The words brought me to the present.
Listen to my instincts. The phrase circled around my head a few times. Oh, how stupid could I be ? The entire time, I'd been listening to fear, not my instincts. Being emotionally stunted apparently muted the normal volume of gut reactions.
I took a shower, dressed and went to find the two currently arguing on the couch. They shut up the minute I stepped out of the bathroom.
“All right, what are the two of you arguing about this time?” Something said it had to do with me.
Aki cleared his throat, “Uh, nothing.”
“Yeah, right.” I walked out the door, leaving the two of them to stare after me. I needed some time alone. I'd snagged my purse on the way out and searched it for the truck keys. When my fingertips grabbed the oversized key fob, I triumphantly held them aloft. I jumped into the truck, cranked the powerful engine and left the hotel parking lot. Glancing in the rearview, I noticed two people running after the truck, waving at me to stop.
I managed to find my way to the interstate, heading east. The radio blared, drowning the background traffic
He growled and disappeared. I knew the look in his eyes. I jumped out of bed, grabbing clothes from the suitcase. A shower and then ... something. I needed to quit procrastinating, develop some sort of plan, figure out what part I played in this mess.
I missed Grandma and her advice.
The thought brought a memory. I was twelve, sitting on her front porch, staring at the snowcapped mountains crowding the horizon. Grandma spent the time showing me how to cook, bake, sew and crochet. Her seemingly unending energy contained within a bent body, once jet-black hair turned white and pulled back in a tight bun, her Inupiat features beautiful because of the shining intelligence and kindness. Telling me stories of ancestors, she brought out the old daguerreotype photos of family long dead. The connection to her and the land as strong within my breast as the heart pumping blood through my body. For the first time in my short life, I didn't feel like an outcast, misunderstood, or the target of puzzled glances.
“Grandma, why do I see the gods?” I asked, using my foot to gently push against the porch, relaxing in the motion of the pine rocking chair.
“Do they visit you, honey?” Her hands stopped the lightning fast movements of crocheting a new pair of mittens.
“Not lately. A lot when I was a baby. But why do I see them and nobody else?”
“My granddaddy used to say they lived on a plane outside of our own. We are special enough to see through the curtain and into their world.” Her hands started again.
“Can I get rid of them?” I twisted my hands, the real question begging to be asked.
“No, my heart. Now, tell me what has happened.”
“They scare me. I'm afraid of the things I see in my head when they are visible.” I stared at the mountains.
“What do you want to do when you see the strings?”
“I want to make them move, to create an ending I like and want. I'm bad. I wanted to get rid of Nancy after she called me names on the playground.”
Grandma stopped, reaching to grab my arm. “Oh, sweet baby. Such feelings are as natural as the air we breathe. That doesn't make you a bad person. You didn't act on them, did you? No. But you have power to change the world, in a very literal sense. It can destroy everything and everyone you love.”
“Why? Why me?”
“I don't know. But pay attention to your instincts and never use it on a whim. Always look at the ending logically, honey. The price requires it to be used only sparingly.”
I remember vividly her hand on my arm, the mottled brown, thin skin, long fingers slightly twisted with age, but warm and soothing to my pre-teen angst. Her advice to watch out for immortals and their ever-reaching need to submit all others. Her words to listen to my instincts. The words brought me to the present.
Listen to my instincts. The phrase circled around my head a few times. Oh, how stupid could I be ? The entire time, I'd been listening to fear, not my instincts. Being emotionally stunted apparently muted the normal volume of gut reactions.
I took a shower, dressed and went to find the two currently arguing on the couch. They shut up the minute I stepped out of the bathroom.
“All right, what are the two of you arguing about this time?” Something said it had to do with me.
Aki cleared his throat, “Uh, nothing.”
“Yeah, right.” I walked out the door, leaving the two of them to stare after me. I needed some time alone. I'd snagged my purse on the way out and searched it for the truck keys. When my fingertips grabbed the oversized key fob, I triumphantly held them aloft. I jumped into the truck, cranked the powerful engine and left the hotel parking lot. Glancing in the rearview, I noticed two people running after the truck, waving at me to stop.
I managed to find my way to the interstate, heading east. The radio blared, drowning the background traffic
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