Read Online Getting Old is the Best Revenge by Rita Lakin - Free Book Online
Authors: Rita Lakin
Tags: Fiction, General, Mystery & Detective, Women Sleuths, Mystery Fiction, Political, Women Detectives, Gold, Florida, Older People, Fort Lauderdale (Fla.), Retirees, Cruise Ships, Older women, Bingo, Ft. Lauderdale (Fla.), Gladdy (Fictitious Character)
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day."
"Me, too," adds Sophie.
"I never win, so I don't miss it," says Ida, the perpetual voice of negativity.
A group of women walk toward us, looking very determined. Those who are still hanging around the mailboxes stay to see what this is about.
Hy and Lola, standing on their balcony on the second floor, are leaning over the railing scanning the action. Mr. and Mrs. King of the Roost!
"Well, look who's here," says Tessie, sunning herself on her bench while eating potato chips. She's always eating something. She waves to one of the women. "Hey, Sarah, what's up?"
There is an exchange of greetings between those who know these members of Phase Five.
May Levine is the spokesperson. "We've come to see Gladdy." The four women walk up to our picnic table. "We want to hire you."
Hy leans far over the railing. "Hey, Glad, I told you about the peeper. She's the one who got peeped." He struts up and down the balcony, proud of himself.
May looks at me, surprised. "You already know?"
Hy isn't finished. "Of course she knows. I told her. I know everything that goes on around here. Sometimes before it even happens."
May scowls, turns her back on Hy, and looks at us.
Evvie asks, "Did you recognize the guy?"
"No," May says, hands on hips, "but if I ever see that limp putz again I'd know it!"
Bella covers her ears as everyone else laughs.
"The coward was wearing a mask!" number two in the delegation, Sarah, contributes.
"A Superman mask," says number three, Edna.
"Did he wear a cape?" Casey wants to know. Her cousin Barbi adds, "With a big yellow S on it?" Apparently this is more interesting than getting to the tennis court.
May says, "I don't know, all I saw were his eyes through the mask. And the putz. "
More giggles.
Practical me asks if she called the police.
May says, "Of course I did. Did I expect they would do anything? No. They laughed! And embarrassed me because they wanted me to translate putz. "
"This is a job for Super woman, " Sophie announces dramatically, pointing at me.
Sarah announces, "We, the women of Phase Five, want to hire you to find--"
"The putz !" Tessie screams out hysterically, spilling potato chip crumbs down her sizable bosom.
It's becoming a circus. But why am I surprised? I should have moved this meeting upstairs. Too late. Hail, hail, the gang's all here.
Hy joins in again from above. "Let's get all the guys around here to drop their pants!"
Lola smacks him on the head. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, you letch! Showing off your equipment. We don't know that he's even from around here!"
"First," says occasionally practical Evvie, "let's talk about the fee."
The four ladies of Phase Five look shocked.
"What fee?" asks Sarah.
"You do this for money?" asks May. "I never heard of such a thing."
Evvie raises an eyebrow. "You got a problem with that? What do you think--we're a nonprofit organization?"
May says, "This affects all the phases. Let everybody chip in."
"Hey," says Edna petulantly, "next time it could be you! If you live on the ground floor."
"Yeah," says Sarah. "What about doing it pro bony ?" Obviously they, too, watch the jargonfilled lawyer and cop shows.
"How about pro boner ?" Tessie screams with laughter.
"That's pro bono, " Evvie corrects, hiding a grin.
"Just go and catch him," demands May Levine, hands on hips.
"Oy," moans Bella, "more night work."
Well, I guess I have a new client. Pro boner.
15
A Funeral in Boca
I still don't get it," Evvie complains. "Why are we schlepping up to Boca? And why did I need to wear dark colors and stockings?"
She hasn't stopped questioning me since we started our drive up the AIA to Boca Raton.
"Can't you just enjoy a nice ride along the coast and not make a big deal about it?"
"No," she says. "I had a nice rummy tiles game set up for today that you made me cancel. Besides, enquiring minds want to know. And furthermore, why did we have to lie to the girls? Why couldn't they come along?"
"I gave them an assignment,
"Me, too," adds Sophie.
"I never win, so I don't miss it," says Ida, the perpetual voice of negativity.
A group of women walk toward us, looking very determined. Those who are still hanging around the mailboxes stay to see what this is about.
Hy and Lola, standing on their balcony on the second floor, are leaning over the railing scanning the action. Mr. and Mrs. King of the Roost!
"Well, look who's here," says Tessie, sunning herself on her bench while eating potato chips. She's always eating something. She waves to one of the women. "Hey, Sarah, what's up?"
There is an exchange of greetings between those who know these members of Phase Five.
May Levine is the spokesperson. "We've come to see Gladdy." The four women walk up to our picnic table. "We want to hire you."
Hy leans far over the railing. "Hey, Glad, I told you about the peeper. She's the one who got peeped." He struts up and down the balcony, proud of himself.
May looks at me, surprised. "You already know?"
Hy isn't finished. "Of course she knows. I told her. I know everything that goes on around here. Sometimes before it even happens."
May scowls, turns her back on Hy, and looks at us.
Evvie asks, "Did you recognize the guy?"
"No," May says, hands on hips, "but if I ever see that limp putz again I'd know it!"
Bella covers her ears as everyone else laughs.
"The coward was wearing a mask!" number two in the delegation, Sarah, contributes.
"A Superman mask," says number three, Edna.
"Did he wear a cape?" Casey wants to know. Her cousin Barbi adds, "With a big yellow S on it?" Apparently this is more interesting than getting to the tennis court.
May says, "I don't know, all I saw were his eyes through the mask. And the putz. "
More giggles.
Practical me asks if she called the police.
May says, "Of course I did. Did I expect they would do anything? No. They laughed! And embarrassed me because they wanted me to translate putz. "
"This is a job for Super woman, " Sophie announces dramatically, pointing at me.
Sarah announces, "We, the women of Phase Five, want to hire you to find--"
"The putz !" Tessie screams out hysterically, spilling potato chip crumbs down her sizable bosom.
It's becoming a circus. But why am I surprised? I should have moved this meeting upstairs. Too late. Hail, hail, the gang's all here.
Hy joins in again from above. "Let's get all the guys around here to drop their pants!"
Lola smacks him on the head. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, you letch! Showing off your equipment. We don't know that he's even from around here!"
"First," says occasionally practical Evvie, "let's talk about the fee."
The four ladies of Phase Five look shocked.
"What fee?" asks Sarah.
"You do this for money?" asks May. "I never heard of such a thing."
Evvie raises an eyebrow. "You got a problem with that? What do you think--we're a nonprofit organization?"
May says, "This affects all the phases. Let everybody chip in."
"Hey," says Edna petulantly, "next time it could be you! If you live on the ground floor."
"Yeah," says Sarah. "What about doing it pro bony ?" Obviously they, too, watch the jargonfilled lawyer and cop shows.
"How about pro boner ?" Tessie screams with laughter.
"That's pro bono, " Evvie corrects, hiding a grin.
"Just go and catch him," demands May Levine, hands on hips.
"Oy," moans Bella, "more night work."
Well, I guess I have a new client. Pro boner.
15
A Funeral in Boca
I still don't get it," Evvie complains. "Why are we schlepping up to Boca? And why did I need to wear dark colors and stockings?"
She hasn't stopped questioning me since we started our drive up the AIA to Boca Raton.
"Can't you just enjoy a nice ride along the coast and not make a big deal about it?"
"No," she says. "I had a nice rummy tiles game set up for today that you made me cancel. Besides, enquiring minds want to know. And furthermore, why did we have to lie to the girls? Why couldn't they come along?"
"I gave them an assignment,
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