and clear. We stood to cheer and sing something that sounded like weird moans as our team came out.
It was weird seeing Blake like this. Every other time I’d seen him in his uniform, lining up on the field, we’d been boyfriends. I’d always had a sense of pride in that, seeing his wavy auburn hair and wide shoulders, standing out in his bright keeper uniform. Now I was only some random student cheering from this cramped corner of the stadium. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
I got into the game though. Coborn was fast, but the other team was good at controlling the ball, trying to slow them down. Our keeper made three amazing saves. One of them made everyone in the stadium suck in their breath as he barely got his fingertips on a free kick and sent the ball over the net.
We were roaring when the team came back on for the second half of the scoreless match. I stood up to let Whitney and Makayla scoot by on their way to the girls’ room, why they couldn’t go during the half I have no idea. As Blake trotted to his place on the sidelines, our eyes met. He smiled and winked.
Or maybe he was winking at someone else. I turned and looked over my shoulder but no one else seemed to be suffering the fluttery stomach I was from that wink. When I looked back, he was shaking his head, still looking at me. Then the ball dropped and his attention was back on the field.
The happy feeling from Blake’s attention was quickly buried under an avalanche of guilt. I’d had another guy’s come on me that morning. And it was one thing to say yeah, we were guys and that sometimes might happen, but what had happened with Wyatt didn’t feel like just getting off. And if it had been Wyatt’s first time with a guy, I was a total shit to have been whispering how much I wanted to suck him off and then get excited about Blake winking at me not even twelve hours later.
With everything so tense in the match, I couldn’t tell if that quiver in my gut was because it was Blake or just that I liked being noticed by someone everyone was cheering for. Fuck, I’d lost track of the play.
The other team had a corner kick coming, our defense scrambling to get coverage as our keeper pointed and shouted. There was a slam of bodies on the line, the ball went sailing over the top of the net and our keeper went down and didn’t get up.
Trainers went running onto the field. I was torn between watching that and Blake doing high-knee sprints and jumps to warm up on the sideline. If our keeper was out, Blake would be going in. With the league championship and consecutive scoreless streak on the line. The senior keeper hadn’t let in a goal all season.
A stretcher cart came out, and I knew Blake was going in. My gut was in knots. I doubled over.
“What happened?” Makayla asked as she pushed back into our row. It sounded accusatory, like I’d dared to let all this happen while she was taking a piss.
“Concussion, I think.”
Blake joined the teammates gathered around the stretcher. As they started to wheel the guy off, everyone clapped. Blake looked up at me and gave me a tiny thumbs-up gesture. I made it back at him, and Makayla turned to stare at me.
“What the hell is that all about?”
I shrugged. She got on her phone. The girl was faster than a supercomputer when it came to accessing the information she wanted. I wasn’t surprised when a momentary search had her elbowing me.
“Blake St. Pierre. He’s from your hometown. Oh my God, he’s the one who dumped you and then—wait. Are you back together?”
“No.” At least I was pretty sure we weren’t. This morning I’d known that was what I wanted more than anything, even passing the damned calculus midterm. Then Wyatt had happened. And now I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. Though I still really did want to pass the calculus midterm.
Whitney leaned forward to look around Makayla. “That didn’t sound like a convincing no.”
“I don’t know what we are. That was just
It was weird seeing Blake like this. Every other time I’d seen him in his uniform, lining up on the field, we’d been boyfriends. I’d always had a sense of pride in that, seeing his wavy auburn hair and wide shoulders, standing out in his bright keeper uniform. Now I was only some random student cheering from this cramped corner of the stadium. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
I got into the game though. Coborn was fast, but the other team was good at controlling the ball, trying to slow them down. Our keeper made three amazing saves. One of them made everyone in the stadium suck in their breath as he barely got his fingertips on a free kick and sent the ball over the net.
We were roaring when the team came back on for the second half of the scoreless match. I stood up to let Whitney and Makayla scoot by on their way to the girls’ room, why they couldn’t go during the half I have no idea. As Blake trotted to his place on the sidelines, our eyes met. He smiled and winked.
Or maybe he was winking at someone else. I turned and looked over my shoulder but no one else seemed to be suffering the fluttery stomach I was from that wink. When I looked back, he was shaking his head, still looking at me. Then the ball dropped and his attention was back on the field.
The happy feeling from Blake’s attention was quickly buried under an avalanche of guilt. I’d had another guy’s come on me that morning. And it was one thing to say yeah, we were guys and that sometimes might happen, but what had happened with Wyatt didn’t feel like just getting off. And if it had been Wyatt’s first time with a guy, I was a total shit to have been whispering how much I wanted to suck him off and then get excited about Blake winking at me not even twelve hours later.
With everything so tense in the match, I couldn’t tell if that quiver in my gut was because it was Blake or just that I liked being noticed by someone everyone was cheering for. Fuck, I’d lost track of the play.
The other team had a corner kick coming, our defense scrambling to get coverage as our keeper pointed and shouted. There was a slam of bodies on the line, the ball went sailing over the top of the net and our keeper went down and didn’t get up.
Trainers went running onto the field. I was torn between watching that and Blake doing high-knee sprints and jumps to warm up on the sideline. If our keeper was out, Blake would be going in. With the league championship and consecutive scoreless streak on the line. The senior keeper hadn’t let in a goal all season.
A stretcher cart came out, and I knew Blake was going in. My gut was in knots. I doubled over.
“What happened?” Makayla asked as she pushed back into our row. It sounded accusatory, like I’d dared to let all this happen while she was taking a piss.
“Concussion, I think.”
Blake joined the teammates gathered around the stretcher. As they started to wheel the guy off, everyone clapped. Blake looked up at me and gave me a tiny thumbs-up gesture. I made it back at him, and Makayla turned to stare at me.
“What the hell is that all about?”
I shrugged. She got on her phone. The girl was faster than a supercomputer when it came to accessing the information she wanted. I wasn’t surprised when a momentary search had her elbowing me.
“Blake St. Pierre. He’s from your hometown. Oh my God, he’s the one who dumped you and then—wait. Are you back together?”
“No.” At least I was pretty sure we weren’t. This morning I’d known that was what I wanted more than anything, even passing the damned calculus midterm. Then Wyatt had happened. And now I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. Though I still really did want to pass the calculus midterm.
Whitney leaned forward to look around Makayla. “That didn’t sound like a convincing no.”
“I don’t know what we are. That was just
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