Read Online Geekhood by Andy Robb - Free Book Online

nearly so inviting.My Grunt Detector TM does a quick sweep of the locale – so far, so good.  
    IM: Here’s a tricky one: your three best mates up ahead and Starshine on your arm; how’re you going to juggle this one?  
    But my Interior Monologue is falling on deaf inner ears at the moment. I’m currently reeling from the difference in the way Sarah looks. No wonder I didn’t recognize her: a) of course she’s new. There’s no way that even I wouldn’t have noticed her before, and b) being a Goth must be her weekend thing. Goth make-up has that slightly forbidden feel to it; will what’s underneath reveal a shining beauty, or will it unmask a Gorgon that would put Medusa up among the World’s One Hundred Sexiest Women? Thankfully, it’s the former; her skin is pale and flawless and her mouth curls up slightly more at one side so that when she smiles, it’s like she knows something you don’t. Which, in my case, is probably true.  
    Bolstered by the beauty on my arm, I raise the other and call manfully after my comrades.  
    IM: You’re a Geek! You’re not supposed to be doing this!  
    But recklessly, for the first time in my life, I cast the mantle aside and stride to my open-mouthed chums with more than a hint of swagger.  
    “Guys,” I begin in a commanding tone, assertingmyself as the Alpha Male of the group. “This is Sarah. Sarah – Beggsy, Ravi and Matt.” My mates shuffle and mutter a few “Heys” and “Hiyas” – no doubt in awe of her glowing beauty and possibly unsettled by the cloud of testosterone that has transformed me into a charming, yet not-to-be-trifled-with Man of the World. I briefly consider growing a moustache.  
    Sarah deals with the silent adulation like an absolute professional; she greets my friends in turn, making eye contact with each of them, which, for a Geek, is the equivalent of being eye to eye with Superman when he’s got his heat-vision on.  
    “I’m really looking forward to Friday,” she beams. “Let me know if you want me to bring anything.” Suddenly, she spots someone upstream. “Got to go; Caitlyn’s got some notes I need. Nice to meet you – see you Friday!”  
    And then she’s gone, taking my heart with her and leaving a puff of silence in her wake. Matt breaks it. “‘See you Friday’?” There’s a touch of horror in his mockery and I can feel my inner Robert Pattinson being exposed to the harsh light of Reality. But there’s no time to react; a lump of wall detaches itself from the rest and reveals itself to be Jason Humphries. My Grunt Detector TM needs an upgrade. He makes straight for me, ignoring my cowering cohorts, and pushes me gently with a yellowing finger.  
    “Friday. What’s happening Friday, then?”
    My inner Robert Pattinson is replaced by my inner Shaggy Rogers.  
    IM: Zoinks!  
    “It’s nothing really… Just me and my mates…” I wish I could keep the fear out of my voice.  
    “Just you and your mates what? You having a party?”  
    IM: Please – just make it painless…  
    “No… We’re… It’s just a… We’re playing a game. It’s a game.”  
    Humphries has a Worf moment, then all the sinews in his head constrict to form something like a smile.  
    “A game?” He flicks his head after Sarah and then back to me. “You wouldn’t know what to do with her!” The finger in my chest becomes the focus for a lot of untapped power and I find myself pushed to the floor, covered in precipitation from the North-East of England. “See you Friday, Geek-boy.” Then he too is gone. Beggsy and Ravi help me up and gather my notes. Matt is not quite so forgiving.  
    “What did she mean, ‘See you Friday’?”  
    I hadn’t realized that my friends were quite so insular. Trying to explain to them that a girl wants to come and game with us is a bit like trying to explain Facebook to medieval peasants. “Temper thy thoughts, good sir! Doth Satan himself conjure up such fantasies? Go! Speak of this