her, but then she pointed out that Father’s religion would never allow him to murder a child.’
‘Yes. Not surprising really. You couldn’t keep him because your father could hardly have you acknowledge the child’s existence. I suspect you would have, wouldn’t you?’
She nods. ‘Of course, Guila tried to reassure me that it was the best thing. She said that there would be something wrong with the baby. Modern science would probably hold to that anyway, that my relationship was too close to Caesare. Our child would likely be retarded or deformed. He didn’t though, he looked perfect, Gabi. He was beautiful. If I close my eyes I can still see him, wrapped in a white sheet. He had green eyes. Just like mine.’
I take her hand, stroke my thumb over her cold fingers and note with interest that her aura does not provoke the reaction in me that Lilly’s does. She feels like my sister, not a lover. I ache for her loss because it is so relative to my own. Yet Lilly’s love has helped me so much to come to terms with the past. Maybe I can help Lucrezia now.
‘Life returned to normal for a while,’ she begins again. ‘Of course, when my family refused to give me over to Giovanni a year later, he grew angry. His accusations of incest were so accurate. Even though he didn’t know for certain. He suspected Father, and then later, when he’d barged into St Peter’s and found me in the Library with both my brother and Father, he assumed we were a den of iniquity.’
I ask her to explain ‘found with’ and she laughs. They had merely been talking and planning to extricate her from the marriage. Constant refusal to bed Giovanni gave him just cause to insist on an annulment. This meant of course that he could also keep the ducats he received as dowry. The Pope and his family had failed to keep their part of the agreement. Therefore Giovanni Sforza’s grievance was justified. Naturally that was all part of Pope Alexander’s plan.
‘And Caesare?’
Lucrezia’s eyes are raw as she meets my gaze. Her hand reaches up, pushing back an invisible strand of hair from her face.
‘Caesare had changed beyond recognition. I had felt some loyalty to him after he defended me. I don’t know what punishment befell him in my absence. He became crueller; darker and more brooding. His expression was a continual sneer, especially when I was in the room. He came to my room the first night of my return to Rome to find himself locked out. He just couldn’t accept my refusal. Of course, Giovanni was right; he could see it in my brother’s eyes that day. Caesare was obsessed with me; it wasn’t love anymore. He believed I belonged to him, and he wouldn’t leave me alone.’
‘He stalked you?’
Lucrezia nods. ‘In a way. But my Father’s influence protected me from him and any further contact for several years. He married me off again as soon as possible. Of course that didn’t help, because Caesare’s fury grew and the love he had once borne for me became twisted and warped beyond all recognition.’
‘A futile flame,’ I say.
‘Yes. And it never burnt out.’
Chapter 12 – Lucrezia’s Story
The Fall Of The Borgias
There were further marriages of course. Further lives that I lived in my attempts to avoid Caesare. My brother became influential and feared. No one ever went against him. Those that did, disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Father used his madness to control him.
Soon after the death of my second husband, Father quickly arranged my re-marriage. I believe he feared for me alone, with Caesare constantly in the background, trying to gain access to me at every opportunity. Maybe he knew his own life was coming to an end and he wished for me to be safe. Away from the Vatican I tried to live a pious and respectable life with my final husband, Alfonso D’Este.
Alfonso was kind, though always unfaithful. It didn’t worry me. As his duchess, I had gained social acceptance and the
‘Yes. Not surprising really. You couldn’t keep him because your father could hardly have you acknowledge the child’s existence. I suspect you would have, wouldn’t you?’
She nods. ‘Of course, Guila tried to reassure me that it was the best thing. She said that there would be something wrong with the baby. Modern science would probably hold to that anyway, that my relationship was too close to Caesare. Our child would likely be retarded or deformed. He didn’t though, he looked perfect, Gabi. He was beautiful. If I close my eyes I can still see him, wrapped in a white sheet. He had green eyes. Just like mine.’
I take her hand, stroke my thumb over her cold fingers and note with interest that her aura does not provoke the reaction in me that Lilly’s does. She feels like my sister, not a lover. I ache for her loss because it is so relative to my own. Yet Lilly’s love has helped me so much to come to terms with the past. Maybe I can help Lucrezia now.
‘Life returned to normal for a while,’ she begins again. ‘Of course, when my family refused to give me over to Giovanni a year later, he grew angry. His accusations of incest were so accurate. Even though he didn’t know for certain. He suspected Father, and then later, when he’d barged into St Peter’s and found me in the Library with both my brother and Father, he assumed we were a den of iniquity.’
I ask her to explain ‘found with’ and she laughs. They had merely been talking and planning to extricate her from the marriage. Constant refusal to bed Giovanni gave him just cause to insist on an annulment. This meant of course that he could also keep the ducats he received as dowry. The Pope and his family had failed to keep their part of the agreement. Therefore Giovanni Sforza’s grievance was justified. Naturally that was all part of Pope Alexander’s plan.
‘And Caesare?’
Lucrezia’s eyes are raw as she meets my gaze. Her hand reaches up, pushing back an invisible strand of hair from her face.
‘Caesare had changed beyond recognition. I had felt some loyalty to him after he defended me. I don’t know what punishment befell him in my absence. He became crueller; darker and more brooding. His expression was a continual sneer, especially when I was in the room. He came to my room the first night of my return to Rome to find himself locked out. He just couldn’t accept my refusal. Of course, Giovanni was right; he could see it in my brother’s eyes that day. Caesare was obsessed with me; it wasn’t love anymore. He believed I belonged to him, and he wouldn’t leave me alone.’
‘He stalked you?’
Lucrezia nods. ‘In a way. But my Father’s influence protected me from him and any further contact for several years. He married me off again as soon as possible. Of course that didn’t help, because Caesare’s fury grew and the love he had once borne for me became twisted and warped beyond all recognition.’
‘A futile flame,’ I say.
‘Yes. And it never burnt out.’
Chapter 12 – Lucrezia’s Story
The Fall Of The Borgias
There were further marriages of course. Further lives that I lived in my attempts to avoid Caesare. My brother became influential and feared. No one ever went against him. Those that did, disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Father used his madness to control him.
Soon after the death of my second husband, Father quickly arranged my re-marriage. I believe he feared for me alone, with Caesare constantly in the background, trying to gain access to me at every opportunity. Maybe he knew his own life was coming to an end and he wished for me to be safe. Away from the Vatican I tried to live a pious and respectable life with my final husband, Alfonso D’Este.
Alfonso was kind, though always unfaithful. It didn’t worry me. As his duchess, I had gained social acceptance and the
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