good.” After a few spoonfuls of cereal he said, “You told me once that I walked in my sleep after Grandpa died.”
“Yes.”
“You said that you asked me what I was doing and when I answered you, I told you that I was going to find him.”
“That’s right.”
“What happened then?”
“We led you back to your room and put you to bed.”
“Did I say anything else?”
“You said you were going to save him before they came.”
“To save him? But it was too late for that.”
“Yes. It was.”
“And before who came?”
“I don’t know. You were asleep, mumbling in your sleep. I’m not sure it meant anything at all.”
Daniel couldn’t figure out if that had anything to do with what was going on now or not. “Did you find out anything yesterday about the wolf poaching?”
“The ballistics came back. The same gun was used to fire all the shots that’ve killed the wolves so far. A .30 caliber; boat-tail hollow-point bullets.” His dad took a seat at the table. “So what are your plans for today?”
“I’m meeting up with Nicole, and then later this afternoon we were thinking about checking out a movie in Superior with Kyle and Mia.”
“Listen, I snapped at you last night. I’m sorry. It’s just that there’s a lot going on. I should’ve cut you some slack.”
“Yeah, no. It’s cool. It’s fine. Did they find another wolf?”
“No. But I’d say four is plenty.”
“Do you have to work today?”
He nodded. “I should be home by six.”
After breakfast, Daniel took the bottle of meds that his dad had gotten for him yesterday and went into the bathroom.
He shook two pills into his hand.
The y’ re going to help yo u, Daniel. The y’ re going to make things better, get things back to normal.
But then another voice: Things aren’t ever going to get back to normal. Not after last fall. Ever yt hing has changed and there’s no going back.
He nudged the pills around his palm.
No going back.
Take them, Daniel.
No. Get rid of them.
Daniel was aware that everyone hears voices in their heads. We all carry on imaginary conversations, reframing what happened and thinking of clever comebacks after the fact. And it’s not just that: our consciences dog us and afflict us and ghost-words from long dead insults and cheap shots haunt us. Sometimes for a lifetime.
But this was different. These weren’t just words whispering through his mind. It was almost like one of the voices was coming from outside his head, as if he were hearing it spoken from another person altogether.
I’m real, Daniel. I am. You can listen to me and I’ll tell yo u what yo u need to do.
Then the voice inside his head replied: No, yo u’re not. You’re just an illusion, one that I hear.
I’m just as real as yo ur conscience, as yo ur dreams, as yo ur memories. Ever yo ne hears voices, Daniel.
But yo u’re not real. I know yo u’re not.
You can hear me. You can talk to me. What makes me less real than someone yo u can see?
Because the y’ re reall y there.
If I wasn’t real, yo u wouldn’t be able to hear me. If I wasn’t real, wh y would yo u be arguing with me?
Conflicted, Daniel stared at the two pills.
His thoughts continued to go back and forth, shifting, tilting, turning into an argument with himself.
If it was going to be a week or two until the medication kicked in, even if he did take these now, it wasn’t going to change things for a while.
He walked over to the toilet, just as he’d done so many times in the past couple months, to flush the two pills—always two at a time, never the whole bottle, just in case his dad happened to check his meds.
However, taking them would at least start to help. That was the thing. Everything had been getting weirder and weirder since yesterday morning and he needed to reverse that trend as soon as possible before something serious happened.
You need them. You need whatever help yo u can get.
He poured himself a glass of water, took a
“Yes.”
“You said that you asked me what I was doing and when I answered you, I told you that I was going to find him.”
“That’s right.”
“What happened then?”
“We led you back to your room and put you to bed.”
“Did I say anything else?”
“You said you were going to save him before they came.”
“To save him? But it was too late for that.”
“Yes. It was.”
“And before who came?”
“I don’t know. You were asleep, mumbling in your sleep. I’m not sure it meant anything at all.”
Daniel couldn’t figure out if that had anything to do with what was going on now or not. “Did you find out anything yesterday about the wolf poaching?”
“The ballistics came back. The same gun was used to fire all the shots that’ve killed the wolves so far. A .30 caliber; boat-tail hollow-point bullets.” His dad took a seat at the table. “So what are your plans for today?”
“I’m meeting up with Nicole, and then later this afternoon we were thinking about checking out a movie in Superior with Kyle and Mia.”
“Listen, I snapped at you last night. I’m sorry. It’s just that there’s a lot going on. I should’ve cut you some slack.”
“Yeah, no. It’s cool. It’s fine. Did they find another wolf?”
“No. But I’d say four is plenty.”
“Do you have to work today?”
He nodded. “I should be home by six.”
After breakfast, Daniel took the bottle of meds that his dad had gotten for him yesterday and went into the bathroom.
He shook two pills into his hand.
The y’ re going to help yo u, Daniel. The y’ re going to make things better, get things back to normal.
But then another voice: Things aren’t ever going to get back to normal. Not after last fall. Ever yt hing has changed and there’s no going back.
He nudged the pills around his palm.
No going back.
Take them, Daniel.
No. Get rid of them.
Daniel was aware that everyone hears voices in their heads. We all carry on imaginary conversations, reframing what happened and thinking of clever comebacks after the fact. And it’s not just that: our consciences dog us and afflict us and ghost-words from long dead insults and cheap shots haunt us. Sometimes for a lifetime.
But this was different. These weren’t just words whispering through his mind. It was almost like one of the voices was coming from outside his head, as if he were hearing it spoken from another person altogether.
I’m real, Daniel. I am. You can listen to me and I’ll tell yo u what yo u need to do.
Then the voice inside his head replied: No, yo u’re not. You’re just an illusion, one that I hear.
I’m just as real as yo ur conscience, as yo ur dreams, as yo ur memories. Ever yo ne hears voices, Daniel.
But yo u’re not real. I know yo u’re not.
You can hear me. You can talk to me. What makes me less real than someone yo u can see?
Because the y’ re reall y there.
If I wasn’t real, yo u wouldn’t be able to hear me. If I wasn’t real, wh y would yo u be arguing with me?
Conflicted, Daniel stared at the two pills.
His thoughts continued to go back and forth, shifting, tilting, turning into an argument with himself.
If it was going to be a week or two until the medication kicked in, even if he did take these now, it wasn’t going to change things for a while.
He walked over to the toilet, just as he’d done so many times in the past couple months, to flush the two pills—always two at a time, never the whole bottle, just in case his dad happened to check his meds.
However, taking them would at least start to help. That was the thing. Everything had been getting weirder and weirder since yesterday morning and he needed to reverse that trend as soon as possible before something serious happened.
You need them. You need whatever help yo u can get.
He poured himself a glass of water, took a
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