Read Online From Where I Watch You by Shannon Grogan - Free Book Online Page A

way out into the night.
    Once outside I almost run into Jason. It figures. He’s just another loser out on the Ave. But I keep my head down so he doesn’t see me. I don’t want to say a word to him, even an insult, because he’s not worth my breath right now. I lean against a wall, deciding if I should go back in because I’ve been such a bitch and Charlie’s been nothing but kind to me. But really, what does he know about problems? I mean, his parents always had money, and if they can afford Kennedy then he definitely still has it. If I had his money I’d move far from here and find a way to get into La Patisserie. And even if I didn’t get in, I’d go to France and live cheap and clean bidets in exchange for pastry lessons and baguettes. I would forget about notes and my crazy mother, who only needs Jesus and her Jesus-loving customers. I’d get fat on café au lait and chocolate and French cheese, but I wouldn’t care. I’d be happy, and I’d find a French guy who likes curvy American girls.
    I’d forget about the guy who is watching me.
    I take the envelope out of my pocket.
what scares you?
    My breath forms an icy cloud as I exhale. Home is only a block away and I can see the light Mom always leaves on behind the counter. Above, in the apartment, it’s dark so she must be asleep.
    Passing the Moon Bar, muffled drunken laughter pours out into the air. A shiver ripples through me because I’m so cold. I look around. Jason is gone; everyone is gone. I can’t remember a time I’ve been out on the Ave and it’s been so deserted.
    A trolleybus rumbles by, sending sparks shooting off the power line, lighting the night. Shadows creep behind me and I think I hear footsteps, but I’m not sure. I walk faster, wanting to get home but not wanting to look like a paranoid idiot. I breathe icy puffs in front of my face. Maybe the pot is making my pulse go crazy.
    Every shadow, every noise is the one who wrote the notes waiting to get me. When I get to the café my hand trembles so badly, the key pokes and scratches and I can’t get it into the lock.
    The chalkboard outside the café lifts and bangs against the wall with the wind:
    meg’s soul soup café: our miraculous pea soup will answer your prayers and make all your dreams come true!
    Mom tricked me into painting clouds and stars and other heavenly things on her chalkboard. She fooled me into believing she’d post daily specials on it. She never told me she’d fill it with crazy.
    I use both my hands to steady the key. Finally I get the door unlocked, and then I’m inside and my breathing slows a bit and so does my heartbeat. I feel stupid to have been so scared, and then my foot slides across something on the floor.
    I can’t see the color, but I know the shapes of bloody droplets and the careful writing of my name. Two in one day.

June: Thirteen-Year-Old Carrot’s
Summer Fun Before High School
    We walk to the pizza parlor because it’s only a few blocks away. Kellen gets away from Tad. She slows down to grab my hand, which is weird for her. But she’s being nice to me so no complaints. Tad and Nick walk in front of us.
    The summer sun still burns, but a breeze blows up from Puget Sound every few minutes, giving a bit more relief. Everything’s going fine, we order pizza and eat outside, watching people walk by and enjoying the summer evening. Nick is pulling a slice from the second pizza when trouble starts.
    “Tad, you’re such a fucking pig,” Kellen says a little too loud.
    I look up from picking olives off my pizza to see what’s up. People stare at my sister. My face turns red even though I should be used to her embarrassing me. Nick hunches over his plate, suddenly very interested in chewing. Tad’s staring down the sidewalk. I see a girl walking with super high heel sandals and a sundress that barely covers her ass.
    “What?” Tad asks, still looking down the street.
    “I’m right here, you know.”
    “So.” Tad glares at her. “I