Read Online French Twist by Catherine Crawford - Free Book Online

Waiting does not hinder a child’s psychological development; rather, it contributes to its reinforcement.
Teach your child to respect your needs too . Even if it is true that children matter more than anything else, it is important to not lose your parental authority. (You are the chief!) A child must learn that you cannot constantly be at her side, cannot always play with her. It is important that she knows that you—the parents—are people and, as such, you need time for yourselves, for your life as a couple. Once again, it is common sense that must be applied.
    Before discovering the French way, I had come to accept that Daphne would launch into a full-on McEnroe at a moment’s notice because she knew that she could and that there was a good chance she’d get oodles of sympathy to boot. However, the chief (me, dammit!) has been devoted to rehabilitation. I kicked myself that we were in thisleaky boat to begin with, but
c’est la vie
—I resolved to fix it. My plan: I implemented the Dolto-inspired “Easy Tips” (although they have never sounded too easy to me); more on my results shortly.
    The truth is, kids are much tougher than we think. They aren’t going to wilt or have underdeveloped self-esteem if we say “no,” enforce a punishment, or turn up (in some cases, turn on) the Strict-o-Meter. Dolto uses the term “symbolic castration” to describe the vexation children experience when they are given restrictions. She maintains that this figurative snipping is necessary for them to learn to control their desires and impulses. Clearly, my Daphne hasn’t spent enough time with the scarily named theories of Dr. Dolto. I never thought I’d look fondly on anything involving castration, especially in relation to my children, but it is clear that we could use a dose of this metaphorical stuff. Dolto does not advocate being a tyrant just for the hell of it. She wrote (in French, so I’ve translated): “If being strict means forbidding what is dangerous, then, yes, be strict—but with compassion and always while respecting the child, who is an adult in progress. We must take the responsibility upon ourselves to restrict certain things because they are psychologically or physically dangerous. If we parents are not strict … our children will be forced to regress and censor themselves, or at least try to. There is nothing more debilitating for a child; he wastes all his energy in the effort.… If we are strict, our children may be furious, but they will conserve their energy.”
    Before I became the chief, I’d often think about how much energy my kids and I would burn up debating
everything
. I feel like I’ve had some version of the following argument with Oona at least 2,829 times:
            
Me: Honey, get your feet off the coffee table
.
            
Oona: But, Mom, they like it up there! Feet can feel, you know
.
            
Me: Not the right kind of feelings, but nice try
.
            
Oona: Okay, I’ll just keep my feet up there for one minute
.
            
Me: No, honey. Take your feet down now
.
            
Oona: But sometimes I see Daddy put his feet up on here. Daddy even lets me
.
            
Me: Take your feet down!
            
Oona: And at Sophie’s house they’re allowed to stand on the table. Can I do that, then?
            
Me: No. Put your feet down
.
            
Oona: I’ll put on my slippers. Then my feet won’t be on the table
.
            
Me: For God’s sake! Please take your feet down. I don’t like to see feet on the table!
            
Oona: But I do, Mom. I like them up there
.
            
Me: Take your feet off the table right now, or else I’m going to have to think of a consequence
.
            
Oona: You are a mean mom!
    I am
so
not a mean mom—by this point in our “conversation,” the kid’s feet have been stinking up my table for more than five minutes. A true chief would forbid