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Authors: Emma Fletcher
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you are released from the need to deal with the immediate problems. You may still be flooded with adrenalin, which you no longer need, and your mind will start to process what has happened and react to it.
You can’t do anything about point number 1. – in fact you need that ability to rise to the moment, it’s a very important human characteristic. The answer to point number 2. is to learn to look after yourself, to nurture yourself, after the stress is over.
For many people an Anxiety disorder is the price they pay for not caring for themselves properly. It’s as if a small voice inside you has been asking for your attention, and when you ignore that voice it eventually decides to yell and shout, by hitting youwith a panic attack, phobia or compulsion.
Despite this, many people feel guilty about taking care of themselves. They put their work, their family, their chores at home ahead of their own needs. Are you one of them? There is no need to feel guilty about looking after yourself – if you do this, you will be more able to look after others.
The same is true if your life is without challenges. If you don’t have money worries, or physical health worries, and if everything you want is right there for you, you could well feel guilty about acknowledging that you still aren’t happy. After all, so many other people have it much tougher than you. But knowing that doesn’t make you feel any better,does it? And it doesn’t make your Anxiety go away. Just like someone who has too much stress, you need to make changes so that you can get better. Feeling guilty is just a waste of energy.
Assessing your life balance
Use your notebook to keep a record of how you spend your time for a complete week. You will soon see if you are leaving any time for your own needs. Here is an example of a day from a working parent’s notebook:
07.30
get up, shower, breakfast, make packed lunches, drop kids at school
09.15
late to work again, better skip lunch
17.30
leave work, pick up shopping, take oldest child to activity
19.00
eat with partner and kids, my turn to wash up
20.00
my turn to put kids to bed, usual arguments
21.00
check emails, phone childminder re school holidays, organize Badminton Club fixture list, online banking, phone Mum, mend broken door in kitchen
23.00
bed
Not much time for self in there. Some days just are very busy of course, but if the whole diary was like this, then this person would need to think things through and make changes. How hard it would be if they were also struggling with an Anxiety disorder, and yet this is exactly what many people are having to do.
In the example above, the following changes might be possible even on this busy day:
• Show the children how to make their own lunch, under supervision, leaving more time for the journey to school and work. Then it won’t be necessary to skip lunch, and the lunch break can become a small window of rest in the busy day.
• Work out why bedtime causes arguments, and try to make it more enjoyable.
• Ask someone else to take over the fixture list.
You may still feel that you haven’t really got time for yourself, but as a part of your recovery from Anxiety you need to find some time every day for yourself. It can be something as simple as a relaxing bath, watching your favourite TV programme or reading a magazine. This is just as important as all the other aspects of recovery, so don’t skimp on it.
GROUP MEMBERS TALK ABOUT LIFE BALANCE
‘You only get one life and you have to get out and live it – you might surprise yourself.’
A NDREA
‘I don’t find boredom is too much of a problem. I have to ensure at those times I don’t get the “mischievous” bothersome thoughts.’
A NDREW
‘I do get bored quite a lot of the time – I need to be challenged. I get anxious when I haven’t enough to do.’
S ARAH
16
Review – Lifestyle Changes
By now you will have realized that recovery from Anxiety takes a deal of work. But there
You can’t do anything about point number 1. – in fact you need that ability to rise to the moment, it’s a very important human characteristic. The answer to point number 2. is to learn to look after yourself, to nurture yourself, after the stress is over.
For many people an Anxiety disorder is the price they pay for not caring for themselves properly. It’s as if a small voice inside you has been asking for your attention, and when you ignore that voice it eventually decides to yell and shout, by hitting youwith a panic attack, phobia or compulsion.
Despite this, many people feel guilty about taking care of themselves. They put their work, their family, their chores at home ahead of their own needs. Are you one of them? There is no need to feel guilty about looking after yourself – if you do this, you will be more able to look after others.
The same is true if your life is without challenges. If you don’t have money worries, or physical health worries, and if everything you want is right there for you, you could well feel guilty about acknowledging that you still aren’t happy. After all, so many other people have it much tougher than you. But knowing that doesn’t make you feel any better,does it? And it doesn’t make your Anxiety go away. Just like someone who has too much stress, you need to make changes so that you can get better. Feeling guilty is just a waste of energy.
Assessing your life balance
Use your notebook to keep a record of how you spend your time for a complete week. You will soon see if you are leaving any time for your own needs. Here is an example of a day from a working parent’s notebook:
07.30
get up, shower, breakfast, make packed lunches, drop kids at school
09.15
late to work again, better skip lunch
17.30
leave work, pick up shopping, take oldest child to activity
19.00
eat with partner and kids, my turn to wash up
20.00
my turn to put kids to bed, usual arguments
21.00
check emails, phone childminder re school holidays, organize Badminton Club fixture list, online banking, phone Mum, mend broken door in kitchen
23.00
bed
Not much time for self in there. Some days just are very busy of course, but if the whole diary was like this, then this person would need to think things through and make changes. How hard it would be if they were also struggling with an Anxiety disorder, and yet this is exactly what many people are having to do.
In the example above, the following changes might be possible even on this busy day:
• Show the children how to make their own lunch, under supervision, leaving more time for the journey to school and work. Then it won’t be necessary to skip lunch, and the lunch break can become a small window of rest in the busy day.
• Work out why bedtime causes arguments, and try to make it more enjoyable.
• Ask someone else to take over the fixture list.
You may still feel that you haven’t really got time for yourself, but as a part of your recovery from Anxiety you need to find some time every day for yourself. It can be something as simple as a relaxing bath, watching your favourite TV programme or reading a magazine. This is just as important as all the other aspects of recovery, so don’t skimp on it.
GROUP MEMBERS TALK ABOUT LIFE BALANCE
‘You only get one life and you have to get out and live it – you might surprise yourself.’
A NDREA
‘I don’t find boredom is too much of a problem. I have to ensure at those times I don’t get the “mischievous” bothersome thoughts.’
A NDREW
‘I do get bored quite a lot of the time – I need to be challenged. I get anxious when I haven’t enough to do.’
S ARAH
16
Review – Lifestyle Changes
By now you will have realized that recovery from Anxiety takes a deal of work. But there
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