materialized in my eyes before turning back to Mark. “Mark, can you excuse us for a minute?”
I barely waited until Mark was out of earshot before confronting Roc again.
“Why would you agree to take a permanent assignment in the first place, with everything happening here? Ed’s been after you for years to do this and you’ve always refused before. Why now, Roc? And why wouldn’t you talk this over with me first? I’m your wife, for God’s sake. Do you even care?” It was then that it finally hit me. I forced myself to ask him, “You aren’t coming back, are you?”
“Rainie, don’t be ridiculous. Of course, I’m coming back. Look, this is for the best. This will give us time apart. You know as well as I do, that things have been…strained between us lately.” A single tear fell from my eye and he tried to comfort me by pulling me into his arms. But I stepped away. “Rainie, I am coming back. And when I do, we’ll talk about this. Maybe…”
Even before his eyes met mine, I knew the truth—that I would never see Roc again. I wanted to cry, which upset me even more. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. I was supposed to be heartless, unemotional…tough. I wasn’t supposed to show weakness.
I turned and walked to the door.
“You know what, Roc, do whatever you want. I no longer care. I don’t care if you ever come back.”
“Rainie,” he called after me, but even though I heard the despair in his voice, I never turned back. I couldn’t. I was crying and I couldn’t let Roc see those tears. I didn’t want to care this much.
When I got back to my apartment that night, I found I’d lost the will to go back out on the streets to search for my brother. I felt sad, broken, and alone. As if someone had kicked me in the gut. And there was no one to share that pain with anymore.
I was still sitting alone in the dark crying when Roc knocked on my door later that night.
The second Roc closed the door and we stood facing each other, I knew what was going to happen, and I wanted it—I needed it to end this way.
Roc lifted me up into his arms and carried me to my bedroom. Setting me on my feet, he stepped away.
“I’m sorry,” he said at last, turning to me once more. It wasn’t so much the words but the way he said them. My heart shattered into a thousand different pieces when I looked at him.
“Rainie, dear God, no! No tears. I can take anything but your tears.” Frustration and anger roughened his voice.
He took a single step closer.
I held up a hand to stop him. “No. Wait. Roc, just let me say this.” The words rushed out as I scrubbed at the tears. “I just need to say this right.” I stopped and drew another deep breath. “I’m sorry,” I said with more resolve than I felt. “I’m sorry for the way things have been between us lately. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry.”
My words died away. I swallowed hard. It sounded more like a sob. I turned away because I couldn’t look at him and tell him the things I needed him to hear from me.
“And thank you.”
“Rainie…” I’d never heard Roc sound so lost before.
“No, I mean it, Roc. Thank you. For everything. For loving me. For everything.”
“Damn it, Rainie, shut up!” He closed the final space between us and dragged me into his arms, his lips claiming mine.
God, I couldn’t get close enough to him. He tasted like forever. Familiar. Warm. Sexy.
I wrestled with my conscience even while he lifted me in his arms and carried me to bed.
So much for promises. I’d promised myself the last time would be the last time. But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough with Roc. I’d always want more.
Roc reached the bed, urging me gently back against it. And then we were racing, our impatient fingers fumbling to remove each other’s clothes.
The sheer pleasure of being as close to Roc as I would ever accomplish in this lifetime left me breathless.
I surrendered myself to the
I barely waited until Mark was out of earshot before confronting Roc again.
“Why would you agree to take a permanent assignment in the first place, with everything happening here? Ed’s been after you for years to do this and you’ve always refused before. Why now, Roc? And why wouldn’t you talk this over with me first? I’m your wife, for God’s sake. Do you even care?” It was then that it finally hit me. I forced myself to ask him, “You aren’t coming back, are you?”
“Rainie, don’t be ridiculous. Of course, I’m coming back. Look, this is for the best. This will give us time apart. You know as well as I do, that things have been…strained between us lately.” A single tear fell from my eye and he tried to comfort me by pulling me into his arms. But I stepped away. “Rainie, I am coming back. And when I do, we’ll talk about this. Maybe…”
Even before his eyes met mine, I knew the truth—that I would never see Roc again. I wanted to cry, which upset me even more. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. I was supposed to be heartless, unemotional…tough. I wasn’t supposed to show weakness.
I turned and walked to the door.
“You know what, Roc, do whatever you want. I no longer care. I don’t care if you ever come back.”
“Rainie,” he called after me, but even though I heard the despair in his voice, I never turned back. I couldn’t. I was crying and I couldn’t let Roc see those tears. I didn’t want to care this much.
When I got back to my apartment that night, I found I’d lost the will to go back out on the streets to search for my brother. I felt sad, broken, and alone. As if someone had kicked me in the gut. And there was no one to share that pain with anymore.
I was still sitting alone in the dark crying when Roc knocked on my door later that night.
The second Roc closed the door and we stood facing each other, I knew what was going to happen, and I wanted it—I needed it to end this way.
Roc lifted me up into his arms and carried me to my bedroom. Setting me on my feet, he stepped away.
“I’m sorry,” he said at last, turning to me once more. It wasn’t so much the words but the way he said them. My heart shattered into a thousand different pieces when I looked at him.
“Rainie, dear God, no! No tears. I can take anything but your tears.” Frustration and anger roughened his voice.
He took a single step closer.
I held up a hand to stop him. “No. Wait. Roc, just let me say this.” The words rushed out as I scrubbed at the tears. “I just need to say this right.” I stopped and drew another deep breath. “I’m sorry,” I said with more resolve than I felt. “I’m sorry for the way things have been between us lately. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry.”
My words died away. I swallowed hard. It sounded more like a sob. I turned away because I couldn’t look at him and tell him the things I needed him to hear from me.
“And thank you.”
“Rainie…” I’d never heard Roc sound so lost before.
“No, I mean it, Roc. Thank you. For everything. For loving me. For everything.”
“Damn it, Rainie, shut up!” He closed the final space between us and dragged me into his arms, his lips claiming mine.
God, I couldn’t get close enough to him. He tasted like forever. Familiar. Warm. Sexy.
I wrestled with my conscience even while he lifted me in his arms and carried me to bed.
So much for promises. I’d promised myself the last time would be the last time. But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough with Roc. I’d always want more.
Roc reached the bed, urging me gently back against it. And then we were racing, our impatient fingers fumbling to remove each other’s clothes.
The sheer pleasure of being as close to Roc as I would ever accomplish in this lifetime left me breathless.
I surrendered myself to the
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