Read Online Fossiloctopus by Forrest Aguirre - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Forrest Aguirre
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unlike home that we have seen or smelled. The Ottomans, contrary to Hollywood's condescending imaginings, were early adapters of technology, especially when it came to weapons of war. They were, in fact, the first nation to fire a torpedo underwater, from the submarine Abdülhamid , in 1886. The negotiations for the current lot of offerings were altogether too long, and I fear that our host, Ismael Omar, held my wife for an inordinately excessive period of time to bargain over the goods. Nevertheless, she returned with Omar in good spirits, both parties smiling, satisfied with the deal. I do not trust the man, for some reason, but my wife assures me that the items we received are genuine. They are a set of tassels from the fez caps worn by the crew of the Abdülhamid . Their tattered appearance speaks to their authenticity. This is the real deal, folks, and Aimee again bargained hard to get them.
July:
It's funny how we sometimes quarrel over the little things. Even Benito Mussolini, the pompous Italian fascist, realized that small things might be used to advantage in a fight. During World War II, the Italian navy, such as it was, used midget submarines to attack ships at Gibraltar. Now, while we wish we had something as large as a midget submarine to send to our subscribers, we find that their scarcity, along with shipping costs, would prove preventative to fulfilling our (and your, we presume) wishes. We might have the next best thing, though. This month we are sending out portions of a handwritten letter by Mussolini himself, all authentic, though only a lucky few will receive the portion of the letter mentioning the miniature submarines. Good luck!
August:
While some of our subscribers were lucky enough to receive a "submarine" portion of Mussolini's letter last month, some were not so fortunate. I understand about bad luck, believe me. I often seem to have the bad luck of being associated with the wrong people. My wife tries to make up for me in this regard. Those British sailors of the "K' class submarines understand your plight, my plight, as well. Their submarines, which saw combat during World War I, were known for bad luck. This month we will be sending out the lucky rabbit's feet straight from the helms of these "K" class subs. The feet were collected when the unfortunate vessels were decommissioned after the ignominious years of The Great War.
September:
Years after "The War to End All Wars," the Soviet nuclear submarine K19 was the first Soviet sub to make it to the North Pole. While this submarine was once the pride of the fleet and a barely-veiled symbol of masculinity and power in its prime, a series of radiation leaks led to its decommission in middle age. The hull was scuttled, and we herewith include a framed metal fragment from a former superpower's greatest underwater pioneer, long may she rest in peace.
October:
In 1944, the submarines USS Tang and USS Tullibee were hit by their own Mark 18 torpedoes, which came full-circle from their launch tubes and caught the boats amidships. There's nothing quite so harrowing as your own weapon turning and bearing down on you. Still, you, the faithful subscribers, become the beneficiaries by owning another piece of history, a symbol of betrayal abroad, the propeller blades of a Mark 18 torpedo, each etched with a silhouette representation of the submarines they hit.
November:
Back to the Middle East, this time alone, to retrieve a chest full of sea-worn glass shards that once constituted a glass diving-bell presumably used by Alexander the Great's forces to reconnoiter the enemy at the Siege of Tyre in 332 BC. This is the oldest artifact I have ever presented to my subscribers. I only wish that the pieces were better preserved, more whole, but things of such an age are so fragile that they are easily shattered, not unlike trust in a relationship.
December:
I wish I could pin this month's items to an
July:
It's funny how we sometimes quarrel over the little things. Even Benito Mussolini, the pompous Italian fascist, realized that small things might be used to advantage in a fight. During World War II, the Italian navy, such as it was, used midget submarines to attack ships at Gibraltar. Now, while we wish we had something as large as a midget submarine to send to our subscribers, we find that their scarcity, along with shipping costs, would prove preventative to fulfilling our (and your, we presume) wishes. We might have the next best thing, though. This month we are sending out portions of a handwritten letter by Mussolini himself, all authentic, though only a lucky few will receive the portion of the letter mentioning the miniature submarines. Good luck!
August:
While some of our subscribers were lucky enough to receive a "submarine" portion of Mussolini's letter last month, some were not so fortunate. I understand about bad luck, believe me. I often seem to have the bad luck of being associated with the wrong people. My wife tries to make up for me in this regard. Those British sailors of the "K' class submarines understand your plight, my plight, as well. Their submarines, which saw combat during World War I, were known for bad luck. This month we will be sending out the lucky rabbit's feet straight from the helms of these "K" class subs. The feet were collected when the unfortunate vessels were decommissioned after the ignominious years of The Great War.
September:
Years after "The War to End All Wars," the Soviet nuclear submarine K19 was the first Soviet sub to make it to the North Pole. While this submarine was once the pride of the fleet and a barely-veiled symbol of masculinity and power in its prime, a series of radiation leaks led to its decommission in middle age. The hull was scuttled, and we herewith include a framed metal fragment from a former superpower's greatest underwater pioneer, long may she rest in peace.
October:
In 1944, the submarines USS Tang and USS Tullibee were hit by their own Mark 18 torpedoes, which came full-circle from their launch tubes and caught the boats amidships. There's nothing quite so harrowing as your own weapon turning and bearing down on you. Still, you, the faithful subscribers, become the beneficiaries by owning another piece of history, a symbol of betrayal abroad, the propeller blades of a Mark 18 torpedo, each etched with a silhouette representation of the submarines they hit.
November:
Back to the Middle East, this time alone, to retrieve a chest full of sea-worn glass shards that once constituted a glass diving-bell presumably used by Alexander the Great's forces to reconnoiter the enemy at the Siege of Tyre in 332 BC. This is the oldest artifact I have ever presented to my subscribers. I only wish that the pieces were better preserved, more whole, but things of such an age are so fragile that they are easily shattered, not unlike trust in a relationship.
December:
I wish I could pin this month's items to an
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