that leaves them completely vulnerable
to dealers of anything—anything!—that claims to take one single, solitary stroke off their scores.
Which brings us, Jody and me, to a veritable Mecca of golf technology and other assorted claptrap: the PGA Golf Merchandise
Show in Orlando, Florida, to see what sort of breakthroughs the scientific community—physicists and engineers!—has made to
ease the pain of struggling duffers like ourselves.
This show—this lalapalooza of golf technology—is enough to make one wonder how any golfer could
possibly
be bad! Here before us, spreading way beyond the indoor horizon, are
sixteen hundred
booths purveying humongous zirconium-titanium drivers, possum-skin gloves, computer swing analyzers, laser putters, Hole-In-One
nutrition bars, neodymium and polybutadiene core balls, golf global positioning systems—you name it—each and every advanced
product claiming to take strokes off our games.
We spend two full days walking up and down the aisles, each step potentially lowering our golf scores, and each step adding
to our bedazzlement at the overwhelming resources brought to bear on this national priority: getting a ball in a hole.
“To play golf well, you need good socks. It’s as simple as that.” That is the considered opinion of the foot covering expert
at the Winning Greens & Fairways Performance Socks booth, a man who’s spent his whole life in socks. Not just any socks, golf
socks—
performance
golf socks. Crew, anklet, or lo-cut.
Now, how, exactly, will these socks
perform
for me? He explains how the special ribbing increases circulation: “It’s one-by-one stitching. Doesn’t pinch the foot. The
feet don’t get tired.”
How many strokes is a good pair of golf socks worth?
“Well,” he answers, “that varies with the individual, of course, but obviously if you have bad socks, your game suffers.”
Obviously. “On the back 9 your dogs start barkin’, you start thinking about your feet, and there you go. It’s a mental game
and your feet can become very mental.”
Mental feet. Umm-hmm. So … how many strokes?
“A couple of strokes.”
Performance Golf Socks: -2 strokes
Next booth. Shoes.
“If you think good socks can help your game, imagine what proper footwear will do,” says the shoe rep. “Our Cyclonic spikelets
golf shoes with premolded rubber bottoms provide a 25 percent larger platform with strategically placed cleats and treads
to increase traction and stability.”
Also at the show are new golf sandals, which I’m sure violate most country club dress codes, especially those highly provocative
open-toed models. Not for me. I have these new socks and only guys from Bulgaria and Boulder wear socks with sandals.
Staid, old Florsheim offers “biomagnetic” shoes. Another company sells every conceivable style and color of alligator golf
shoes, to include alligator cowboy golf boots. Just how big is golf these days? Well, they claim to have thirty thousand gators
on their farm just dying to become golf shoes. Thirty thousand! Little wonder that every once in a while a vindictive gator
takes revenge and eats a Florida golfer. But: What is lost?
How many strokes will good golf shoes take off my score?
“A few” is the consensus.
Better Shoes: -3 strokes
Not to mention cleats, which may seem like a small thing, but are not. (For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of
a shoe the horse was lost, for want of a horse the battle was lost, etc.)
“Cleats can be critical,” proclaims the Eagle Grip soft cleats salesman, and the Softspikes representative agrees: “Our Black
Widow model is the new standard, offering unparalleled traction, anti-clogging, and is available in four installation systems:
small thread, large thread, the new Champ-Q-Lok, fast twist. They can make an enormous difference.”
Proper Cleats: -1 stroke (we think “enormous” is hyperbolic)
“You know your problem?”
to dealers of anything—anything!—that claims to take one single, solitary stroke off their scores.
Which brings us, Jody and me, to a veritable Mecca of golf technology and other assorted claptrap: the PGA Golf Merchandise
Show in Orlando, Florida, to see what sort of breakthroughs the scientific community—physicists and engineers!—has made to
ease the pain of struggling duffers like ourselves.
This show—this lalapalooza of golf technology—is enough to make one wonder how any golfer could
possibly
be bad! Here before us, spreading way beyond the indoor horizon, are
sixteen hundred
booths purveying humongous zirconium-titanium drivers, possum-skin gloves, computer swing analyzers, laser putters, Hole-In-One
nutrition bars, neodymium and polybutadiene core balls, golf global positioning systems—you name it—each and every advanced
product claiming to take strokes off our games.
We spend two full days walking up and down the aisles, each step potentially lowering our golf scores, and each step adding
to our bedazzlement at the overwhelming resources brought to bear on this national priority: getting a ball in a hole.
“To play golf well, you need good socks. It’s as simple as that.” That is the considered opinion of the foot covering expert
at the Winning Greens & Fairways Performance Socks booth, a man who’s spent his whole life in socks. Not just any socks, golf
socks—
performance
golf socks. Crew, anklet, or lo-cut.
Now, how, exactly, will these socks
perform
for me? He explains how the special ribbing increases circulation: “It’s one-by-one stitching. Doesn’t pinch the foot. The
feet don’t get tired.”
How many strokes is a good pair of golf socks worth?
“Well,” he answers, “that varies with the individual, of course, but obviously if you have bad socks, your game suffers.”
Obviously. “On the back 9 your dogs start barkin’, you start thinking about your feet, and there you go. It’s a mental game
and your feet can become very mental.”
Mental feet. Umm-hmm. So … how many strokes?
“A couple of strokes.”
Performance Golf Socks: -2 strokes
Next booth. Shoes.
“If you think good socks can help your game, imagine what proper footwear will do,” says the shoe rep. “Our Cyclonic spikelets
golf shoes with premolded rubber bottoms provide a 25 percent larger platform with strategically placed cleats and treads
to increase traction and stability.”
Also at the show are new golf sandals, which I’m sure violate most country club dress codes, especially those highly provocative
open-toed models. Not for me. I have these new socks and only guys from Bulgaria and Boulder wear socks with sandals.
Staid, old Florsheim offers “biomagnetic” shoes. Another company sells every conceivable style and color of alligator golf
shoes, to include alligator cowboy golf boots. Just how big is golf these days? Well, they claim to have thirty thousand gators
on their farm just dying to become golf shoes. Thirty thousand! Little wonder that every once in a while a vindictive gator
takes revenge and eats a Florida golfer. But: What is lost?
How many strokes will good golf shoes take off my score?
“A few” is the consensus.
Better Shoes: -3 strokes
Not to mention cleats, which may seem like a small thing, but are not. (For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of
a shoe the horse was lost, for want of a horse the battle was lost, etc.)
“Cleats can be critical,” proclaims the Eagle Grip soft cleats salesman, and the Softspikes representative agrees: “Our Black
Widow model is the new standard, offering unparalleled traction, anti-clogging, and is available in four installation systems:
small thread, large thread, the new Champ-Q-Lok, fast twist. They can make an enormous difference.”
Proper Cleats: -1 stroke (we think “enormous” is hyperbolic)
“You know your problem?”
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