Read Online For The Death Of Me by Quintin Jardine - Free Book Online Page B

head in since I first clapped eyes on Tom. I didn’t believe it for a second but I found I couldn’t avoid it.
    â€˜Either way,’ I began, then drew a breath to calm me down, for I was in danger of exploding. ‘Either way, one thing’s for sure: Jan was my half-sister, wasn’t she? For me to father a child who’s her double, with someone else . . . there can be no other explanation.’ And then I found myself voicing the last inevitable question: ‘Or are you going to tell me that you didn’t know either?’
    The last twist, the one my mind hadn’t let me consider before, threatened to blow a few circuits in my brain. What if neither Mary nor my dad had known? What if Alex More and my mum . . .
    Her silence lasted another ten seconds or so. If I’d thought about it, that last question had offered her an escape route, but if she saw it, she didn’t choose to take it. ‘No,’ she whispered. ‘I knew. Alex was sterile. Jan had to be Mac’s daughter.’
    This is a terrible thing to admit but, although part of me was horrified, the greater part was relieved. I couldn’t have handled the discovery that My Dad wasn’t really.
    It didn’t blow away my anger, though: that fell on her, full force. ‘And you kept that from the two of us. You let us . . . Christ, Mary, Jan was pregnant when she died!’
    â€˜Yes, but . . . Oz, I couldn’t.’
    â€˜One more thing: does he know? Does my dad know?’
    â€˜No, I’m sure he doesn’t. It was a one-off: he and Flora had been at a Round Table party in someone’s house. Alex was away at a conference so I babysat for Ellen. There was a lot of drink at those Table dos, and that Flora, for the only time in her life, had a right few too many. She was pregnant with you, but I don’t think she knew it then. Mac brought her home, and carted her straight upstairs. Then he came back down. He’d had quite a few himself, and I’d sipped my way through the best part of a bottle of wine in the course of the evening. He said something about how nice I looked, I said something similar in return, we got close, there was kissing, and then there was more than kissing. We never mentioned it afterwards . . . I don’t know about him, but I was embarrassed, for it was completely untypical behaviour on my part . . . and I think both of us made sure that the same circumstances could never arise again. But I fell pregnant shortly afterwards.’
    â€˜So you must have known from the start.’
    â€˜No!’ Her protest was so spontaneous that I believed her. ‘I didn’t know about Alex’s condition then, neither did he. I didn’t know anything about peak fertility times either. We weren’t long married and we were trying for a family, trying quite hard if you must know. I admit that when I became pregnant the thought did cross my mind, but I discounted the possibility. Then when Jan was born, she didn’t look a bit like Ellen or you . . . You and Jan were babies at the same time, remember.’
    â€˜Yes, but Ellie and I both looked like our mum when we were infants; it never occurred to me till I saw Tom, but he’s very like my granny Blackstone. So was Jan in the picture I just showed you. When I looked at some older photos, I discovered that they were quite alike as young women too.’
    â€˜Mac’s never noticed that, I promise you; he certainly never mentioned it to me, and I don’t think he’d have been able to keep it to himself if he had noticed it.’
    â€˜When did you find out the truth?’
    â€˜Years later; when Jan was thirteen, I think. Alex and I had been trying in vain for another baby, and finally we went to see a specialist in Edinburgh. He checked us both out, then said he was very sorry but Alex’s sperm count was virtually zero. Alex asked what had brought this on, and the consultant told him