tempting as it is, biting human heads off would probably be going a bit too far. Yes, it would be very entertaining with all that blood and guts, but the audience are mostly human and humans are a bit squeamish. I donât think theyâd enjoy it very much,â said Betty. âWhat usually happens in this sort of situation is that Mum casts a few spells to reverse everyoneâs roles.â
First of all some clowns came on and droveround the circus ring in their silly car with wheels that fell off. Then they threw water at each other and tripped over each otherâs great big clown shoes, usually landing face-down in custard pies. No animals were hurt or insulted during this bit.
But then the ringmaster stood in the centre of the ring and cracked a big whip as six beautiful white horses ran round and round, each one with a small poodle on its back.
Now, as anyone who owns a labrador knows, some animals actually like doing stupid things to make their humans happy. So before she did any circus magic, Mordonna looked inside each performing animalâs head to see if they were happy or sad. Then she made her adjustments.
âThey all hate the whip,â Mordonna whispered, âand the ringmasterâs wife doesnât give them enough to eat. Those poodles are quite a bit more intelligent than she is, too.â
So as the ringmaster flicked his whip back for another big crack, the three-metre braided leather thong wrapped itself round his body andslapped him across the face. At the same time the six poodles stood on their hind legs and clapped with their front paws.
What happened next:
The horses raced out of the ring, galloped across the paddock, through the gate and away into the vast forest behind the town, where they still live to this day, eating soft green grass and leaves, drinking crystal clear water from mountain streams, raising a new generation of beautiful wild foals and generally thinking to themselves, Life does not get any better than this.
As the horses had run away through the town, the poodles had leapt off their backs and all six of them had ended up living with a little old lady who fed them lightly poached chicken and cuddled them in a big soft armchair in front of a big log fire.
Like the horses, the poodles and the little old lady all thought, Life does not get any better than this.
And of course they were right.
The ringmaster had a nasty red weal across his face from his whip that never quite faded. Circus ringmasters are quite often incredibly vain and pompous people who even go to bed in their top hats. This one was like that and, after Mordonna had given him exactly what he deserved for cracking a big whip at defenceless animals for twenty-seven years, he left the circus and moved away as far as he could from everyone to a remote run-down property where he spent the rest of his life growing rhubarb that was so sour no amount of sugar could improve it. His wife, who was just as vain, decided she could not love a man with a red scar on his face because it would clash with her new lipstick, so she ran away with the rhubarb inspector from a large supermarket chain and lived miserably ever after.
It rained a lot on the rhubarb farm and the ringmaster sat on his verandah staring out at his fields of mud and rhubarb and thought, It canât get any worse than this. Then the verandah collapsed on his head and he realised it could.
The next act was some acrobats. There were no animals in the act, but the acrobats were not very good. The only highlight was when one of them fell off, and even that wasnât so great because there was a safety net, so the only thing that got broken was a fingernail.
But then three of the clowns came back and this time they had five chimpanzees with them. The apes were dressed in copies of what the clowns were wearing â baggy trousers with big red spots and orange braces and silly bow ties.
Mordonna concentrated.
âThe chimpanzees
First of all some clowns came on and droveround the circus ring in their silly car with wheels that fell off. Then they threw water at each other and tripped over each otherâs great big clown shoes, usually landing face-down in custard pies. No animals were hurt or insulted during this bit.
But then the ringmaster stood in the centre of the ring and cracked a big whip as six beautiful white horses ran round and round, each one with a small poodle on its back.
Now, as anyone who owns a labrador knows, some animals actually like doing stupid things to make their humans happy. So before she did any circus magic, Mordonna looked inside each performing animalâs head to see if they were happy or sad. Then she made her adjustments.
âThey all hate the whip,â Mordonna whispered, âand the ringmasterâs wife doesnât give them enough to eat. Those poodles are quite a bit more intelligent than she is, too.â
So as the ringmaster flicked his whip back for another big crack, the three-metre braided leather thong wrapped itself round his body andslapped him across the face. At the same time the six poodles stood on their hind legs and clapped with their front paws.
What happened next:
The horses raced out of the ring, galloped across the paddock, through the gate and away into the vast forest behind the town, where they still live to this day, eating soft green grass and leaves, drinking crystal clear water from mountain streams, raising a new generation of beautiful wild foals and generally thinking to themselves, Life does not get any better than this.
As the horses had run away through the town, the poodles had leapt off their backs and all six of them had ended up living with a little old lady who fed them lightly poached chicken and cuddled them in a big soft armchair in front of a big log fire.
Like the horses, the poodles and the little old lady all thought, Life does not get any better than this.
And of course they were right.
The ringmaster had a nasty red weal across his face from his whip that never quite faded. Circus ringmasters are quite often incredibly vain and pompous people who even go to bed in their top hats. This one was like that and, after Mordonna had given him exactly what he deserved for cracking a big whip at defenceless animals for twenty-seven years, he left the circus and moved away as far as he could from everyone to a remote run-down property where he spent the rest of his life growing rhubarb that was so sour no amount of sugar could improve it. His wife, who was just as vain, decided she could not love a man with a red scar on his face because it would clash with her new lipstick, so she ran away with the rhubarb inspector from a large supermarket chain and lived miserably ever after.
It rained a lot on the rhubarb farm and the ringmaster sat on his verandah staring out at his fields of mud and rhubarb and thought, It canât get any worse than this. Then the verandah collapsed on his head and he realised it could.
The next act was some acrobats. There were no animals in the act, but the acrobats were not very good. The only highlight was when one of them fell off, and even that wasnât so great because there was a safety net, so the only thing that got broken was a fingernail.
But then three of the clowns came back and this time they had five chimpanzees with them. The apes were dressed in copies of what the clowns were wearing â baggy trousers with big red spots and orange braces and silly bow ties.
Mordonna concentrated.
âThe chimpanzees
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