to remind me that I didn’t have to be like Doris, and now Juliet didn’t even think I was good enough to be Doris. If she wasn’t going to promote me, at least she could have left me with my mug. I had visions of working here for the rest of my life and I couldn’t face another thirty years of only being allowed to get a cup of tea at ten-thirty. I didn’t want to have a drink at ten-thirty, I wanted to have a drink whenever I liked and I wanted to drink my tea out of my own mug instead of the prison cup I pretended was a camping mug. I felt all the pressure building up and then I temporarily lost my mind and went bat shit crazy. I stood up and pointed at Juliet.
‘Give that back. Now.’ I shouted.
She looked alarmed and pulled the mug closer towards her, wrapping her fingers round it protectively while I lost all sense of reason and lunged for the mug.
The jerky movement caused a splash of coffee to escape onto her white designer jacket.
‘Fiona. Sit down.’ She held the mug tighter and started edging her way back towards the door. Her eyes widened and she looked alarmed but still wouldn’t let go of the mug.
‘No, I won’t bloody sit down.’ I shouted. ‘You give me that back, you mug stealing bitch.’ I sprang forwards, attempting to wrestle the mug from her hand. When I say wrestle, what I actually mean is I pulled the mug sharply – but by now Juliet had loosened her grip. She started shouting for security, which was odd because we didn’t have security. As I tugged on the handle, Juliet’s hand released it and she fell back onto the floor. I now had the cup, but the remaining coffee had sloshed all over my dress. I stood for a moment, staring at the stain, watching the coffee drip down onto the carpet. Juliet was struggling to get back up onto her heels and was now yelling, ‘Fiona, you need to leave right NOW. You are suspended. Do you hear me? I am suspending you without pay with immediate effect!’
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her arms flapping, but I didn’t look up, I continued to stare at the stain. I became aware I was holding my mug, and then what Juliet was saying started to register. I had been suspended from my job. My five year plan was over.
I saw Phil from IT outside the office, who had clearly sensed a disturbance in the force – or maybe he’d heard Juliet shouting for the non- existent security. The alleged Activia yoghurt perpetrators were peering in too. And pretty much everyone who worked in the office had been watching everything. Doris opened the door – took one look at me, saw Juliet getting up and straightening herself out – and put her arm round me, ushering me out of the office. ‘Come on, pet.’
Juliet was still shouting.
Doris turned to the assembled beneficial bacteria ladies and Jurassic Bleach
et al.
and snapped ‘Stop gawping you rubber neckers.’
They all scurried back to their desks. Doris pried my fingers from my mug and put it on the desk. As I reached for it, she put her hand on mine and lowered it back down. ‘Now don’t you worry about any of this disciplinary action at all. You go home, enjoy your holiday and leave me to sort all of this out.’
Going on holiday was the last thing I wanted to do. There was no way Juliet would let me go back to work after this. Everything was ruined.
I took a few deep breaths to steady myself and told myself that it would all be fine.
‘I’ll make a new plan,’ I said to Doris. Doris narrowed her eyes as she tried to comprehend what I was saying. ‘I can make a new plan, can’t I Doris?’ I was rambling and babbling because of the shock and Doris started steering me towards the door.
‘I’ll go home and plan and this can all be sorted out. I can still salvage it. It will be fine, won’t it Doris?’
‘Yes, dear,’ said Doris, but I could tell, even in my shocked state, she didn’t know what I was talking about. ‘You go home and come up with your plan.’
So I went home, but
‘Give that back. Now.’ I shouted.
She looked alarmed and pulled the mug closer towards her, wrapping her fingers round it protectively while I lost all sense of reason and lunged for the mug.
The jerky movement caused a splash of coffee to escape onto her white designer jacket.
‘Fiona. Sit down.’ She held the mug tighter and started edging her way back towards the door. Her eyes widened and she looked alarmed but still wouldn’t let go of the mug.
‘No, I won’t bloody sit down.’ I shouted. ‘You give me that back, you mug stealing bitch.’ I sprang forwards, attempting to wrestle the mug from her hand. When I say wrestle, what I actually mean is I pulled the mug sharply – but by now Juliet had loosened her grip. She started shouting for security, which was odd because we didn’t have security. As I tugged on the handle, Juliet’s hand released it and she fell back onto the floor. I now had the cup, but the remaining coffee had sloshed all over my dress. I stood for a moment, staring at the stain, watching the coffee drip down onto the carpet. Juliet was struggling to get back up onto her heels and was now yelling, ‘Fiona, you need to leave right NOW. You are suspended. Do you hear me? I am suspending you without pay with immediate effect!’
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her arms flapping, but I didn’t look up, I continued to stare at the stain. I became aware I was holding my mug, and then what Juliet was saying started to register. I had been suspended from my job. My five year plan was over.
I saw Phil from IT outside the office, who had clearly sensed a disturbance in the force – or maybe he’d heard Juliet shouting for the non- existent security. The alleged Activia yoghurt perpetrators were peering in too. And pretty much everyone who worked in the office had been watching everything. Doris opened the door – took one look at me, saw Juliet getting up and straightening herself out – and put her arm round me, ushering me out of the office. ‘Come on, pet.’
Juliet was still shouting.
Doris turned to the assembled beneficial bacteria ladies and Jurassic Bleach
et al.
and snapped ‘Stop gawping you rubber neckers.’
They all scurried back to their desks. Doris pried my fingers from my mug and put it on the desk. As I reached for it, she put her hand on mine and lowered it back down. ‘Now don’t you worry about any of this disciplinary action at all. You go home, enjoy your holiday and leave me to sort all of this out.’
Going on holiday was the last thing I wanted to do. There was no way Juliet would let me go back to work after this. Everything was ruined.
I took a few deep breaths to steady myself and told myself that it would all be fine.
‘I’ll make a new plan,’ I said to Doris. Doris narrowed her eyes as she tried to comprehend what I was saying. ‘I can make a new plan, can’t I Doris?’ I was rambling and babbling because of the shock and Doris started steering me towards the door.
‘I’ll go home and plan and this can all be sorted out. I can still salvage it. It will be fine, won’t it Doris?’
‘Yes, dear,’ said Doris, but I could tell, even in my shocked state, she didn’t know what I was talking about. ‘You go home and come up with your plan.’
So I went home, but
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