Fish Out of Water

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Authors: Ros Baxter
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me, Doug.”
    He winked one of those swiss chocolate eyes. “I’m your go-to man, girlfriend. You ever need a rocket launcher, call me.”
    “Doug,” I exploded. “Please don’t tell me those things. I am enforcement, remember?”
    He looked at me pointedly, a smile playing around full lips. “Sorry, oh little-sister-of-mercy. I mistook you for a body-snatcher. Silly ole me.”
    “Hardy har har.” I guessed he had a point. I don’t need to read his mind to know he’s got secrets of his own. And he quite likes the stakes even.
    It’s weird, you know, that we can’t read human minds. All fish species, yep. Cows, check. Other mermaids, if they let you in, sure. But not humans. I’ve always found that strange. I mean, as far as I can tell, human minds are pretty basic. You’d think they’d be easily accessible. But no. Princess Lecanora used to say we were locked out of human minds because we’d cast them aside. Somehow in the process we’d lost some essentially human part of ourselves that meant we could never really get them, the straight land-dwellers. She said the Prophecy was all about the universe trying to find a way to reconcile the two parts of us, and maybe even the two parts of the world. Earth and Sea.
    Nice idea. Shame I won’t be around to see it all happen.
    As I stood by the van, I could smell Mexican anise and heat. Licorice and madness.
    Without being told, Doug had parked on a kind of meandering back road that snakes up behind the morgue, close to where I’d stashed Ma’s ride. It was out of the way, but still only a few hundred yards across the bramble and gooseberry patches to the morgue. I breathed in wild anise and made Blondie a silent promise.
    I will find out who you are. And I will get you home.
    I told Doug where we were going once I came back to the van with her, and passed the keys to the facility Larry organized.
    “You want me to help?” He was looking at me dead-on.
    “Nah,” I sighed. “I’ve got it.”
    “What about hefting?”
    “I can get her back here. Might need some help at the other end. Stairs.”
    I sighed again, and pulled the van door open in the thick, wild silence of frontier heat.
    I felt my heartbeat ratchet up as I turned back to the morgue. But Doug stopped me.
    “Sheriff. I gotta say something.” A deep frown dipped between those fudgey eyes.
    I didn’t need someone spooking me anymore than I already was. “It’ll be fine, D.”
    “No, Rania,” he caught my arm. He never called me that. “For some reason I feel like I gotta tell you this now.”
    Something in me fretted that he was going to choose now for some romantic declaration. Truth to tell, after I climbed out the window that night a year ago, I mostly felt relief (apart from the ego blow and despite how much I liked hanging with Doug). Then when he reappeared it was easier to play the injured party. You see, I knew then what I know now. I have no future. Even someone like Doug would eventually want more than three weeks. Even if sometimes it seems like falling back into those strong arms would be the easiest thing in the world.
    “Later, D,” I said it as gently as I could, pulling away from him.
    When I got back to the morgue, Larry was gone, like we’d agreed, and Blondie was waiting. I decided against a gurney, figuring it would make the two of us that much more noticeable as we headed to the van. Instead, I placed my hands under her armpits and pulled her upper torso up towards me, balancing the top half of her against my chest while I made sure I had purchase. And then I lifted her higher, bringing her into a fireman’s haul over my right shoulder, stepping back to adjust her weight and drape her legs down the front of my body.
    I jiggled a little. She felt stable. As stable as corpse on your shoulder can be, I guess.
    I relaxed a little, feeling confident, certain the expedition was almost over and happy to be making my way out knowing Blondie was going to be safe from prying

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